School exclusion - my 14 1/2 year old has been put out for the14th time since last November?

Question

I am struggling to control a child who has no remorse when bad behaviour means exclusion. Refuses to do anything that is asked without being verbally aggressive. Blames everyone, lies constantly even when caught red handed. You name it we have done it.

Answer 1

He sounds to me like the kind of kid who needed a whomping eight years ago.

Well, first of all, I would restrict his access to his video games, computer and television. Then I would consult a behavioral therapist to discuss this problem. It could be that he needs boot camp for a while.

Answer 2

Consequences ie show him why he need the skills (discussion, school, rules) and what happens when he abuses them.
Example, he gets money to do work but nothing is he doesn't. Don’t give him money if he asks for it, let him earn it and learn the hard way to budget money and that money doesn't grow on trees.
Maybe showing that even the home he life in has to be paid for I.E. let him see how you budget your income and let him give it a try. It will make him feel grown up and learn all the things you do for him.
get him to do the shopping, if it back fires let him see the consequences
ie if all he buy is burgers, let him see what its like to eat burgers for a week, for breakfast, lunch and tea because there is nothing else. He’ll soon hate the site of them and learn a lesson.

But at this age he is testing his boundaries to see what he can and can not get away with.
Also it is the age they want to be treated like adults but haven’t the mentality for it yet, which is why I suggested teaching him skills.

Funny enough try writing him a letter explaining his actions, but make sure its not over negative. Write it on something he can’t get rid off to quickly, so your words gets a chance to sink in.

Maybe its time to show him the road that this behaviour is leading. I know that some jails do programs where long life or reformed prisoners tell children how their action has lead then to jail.

maybe he needs a vent for his anger, hormones do cause havoc at this age. A sport like ruby or marshal arts which encourage good behaviour in order to learn.

maybe he lies because he fear's telling the truth, if there is a lesser consequences for the truth maybe he will use it more often.

these of course are just suggestions, the other suggestions provided by everyone else, like boot camp ect are the last resort but may be necessary. But it better to stop this behaviour now as it will get worse if you don't.
I hope I have helped.
good luck

Answer 3

I sympathize, because I've been there, and it's an extremely difficult struggle. My son was bullying me continually, lying, stealing money from me, etc. - you name it, he did it. Being a single parent, I asked for help with the situation from his father, but that resulted in a fist fight, which obviously was not the answer. There were times when I had no choice but to involve law enforcement. He was court directed to go to a Wilderness Camp in the Utah mountains during winter for 6-8 weeks. Out of 52 kids attending, he was only one of four to graduate all four levels and was very glad to be home afterwards. But, as soon as he re-connected with old friends, the old behaviors returned. Their friends have a major influence in their lives, and one 'bad' friend can lead a potentially good kid far astray. I know it's tough to monitor their friends' behavior, but you have to do it, and deter them from those less desireable friends through other avenues and activities. Counseling may or may not work. If it's working, stick with it. And even on those days when you feel like just giving up, don't! It does get better.
The good news is.....He is now almost 23, has a darling wife and children which he loves dearly. He is turning out okay, though some of his old attitudes still rear their ugly heads. I think sometimes, some kids just have to go through these things, through no fault of the parents. Every kid is different and none of them are perfect. This kid was disciplined and loved his whole life. But as a child, when his father and I were still married, he was materially spoiled rotten. He has a younger brother who is a total opposite, perhaps by watching what the older brother did. But since we divorced when the younger one was 2, he didn't have the materialistic upbringing, and I think that made a huge difference.
Don't know if this was any help, but sometimes it just helps to know that you aren't the only one living in 'teenage hell'.

Answer 4

I sympathise with your plight, I really do. There's no telling why some kids go off the rails and it's usually very difficult to get them back on there.

I'd suggest involving a third party, like a family counsellor. Kids are often a lot less cocky when they have to talk to someone they're not familiar with and have to express themselves coherently and legitimately.

Try to focus on what your child actually wants. What are they hoping to achieve? Do they want to end up in prison / on benefits or do they have an ambition that you could help them achieve? These kinds of questions will often help jar a child into remembering you're on the same team as them.

All the best - good luck!

Answer 5

sounds like a normal teenager to me. Teens these days show little respect for anyone in authority. I believe its because they are taught from an early age that they actually have more rights than people in authority.
When I was at school I was afraid of my teachers when I did something as little as forget my homework. Its almost a shame that teachers have lost that control over their pupils.
There are many people out there with the same problem so hopefully you will get some good advice, good luck!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

When you say,'You name it,we have done it.'-I take it that means your child had a SENCO worker at the school,and counselling? Has your child seen a behavioural specialist to ensure it's not related to a health condition? (Chemical or hormonal imbalances.)
I can imagine that this is wearing you down to the point that you don't feel like trying anymore-so please make sure you get some help for yourself too.
I can only suggest the tough love approach,and if you've already gone through the doctors-go back again and demand tests-anything-to help your child get their behaviour under control and their life back on track.
Best of luck to you and your child.

Answer 7

you will get alsorts of answers for this one from blame the parents to beat him up.

HE needs to be responsible for his actions HE needs to know that actions provoke reactions and HE needs to know that HIS behaviour promotes negative reactions.

You need professional help. You cannot do this on your own. Daft suggestion but maybe call supernanny on channel 4????

don't give in. Bad behaviour, negative response, good behaviour good response.

I think the school has been more than patient for excluding him 14 times. Ask them for help, or see your doctor and get a referral to a psychologist for him.

good luck

Answer 8

My brother was like this. It got so bad that my dad ended up taking him into work with him and making him work for his company when he was excluded. He hated it, but could see that he wasn't going to be rewarded by anything except hard work (ie, wasn't going to get an easy ride when he was off school) Also, my parents made him have his hair cut shorter which seemed to help a lot.

I hope you find something that works for you, though. It sounds like a really difficult situation.

Answer 9

Look at the parents, kids arn't born naughty,they spend the first 5yrs at home,so their bound too pick bad habits,and if so a little bit of strong handedness probably wouldn't have gone a miss,since he's now 14 he's way past that,so get him committed

Answer 10

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