i'm a 35 year old man in the UK: everything i do is based on wanting to do it perfectly - for fear that someone else might do it better. It's been present since childhood, and is making me depressed and exhausted. Anyone kindly share any advice....thanks alot
2006-12-05 03:33:08 · 17 answers · asked by dublinboy 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Maybe you need some kind of therapy - depending to what extremes you go to reach perfection. It may be borderline OCD or something. Go and have a chat to your GP - he is the best one to cure it or at least point you on the right road to recovery. It may be that you need a course of anti-depressants and councilling - make an appointment before it gets worse. Good luck xxxx
2006-12-05 03:37:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The only guarantee is that you're going to lose this game. We are by nature beings that need to go through a learning process in order to perfect anything at all. It doesn't just "happen." And if you need to be perfect in everything you do, it just won't happen without a complete mental breakdown. We are simply not made for this.
I do have 2 suggestions for you. The first is that you work on changing your definition of perfection. Like, perhaps you could do "it" just a little better than the last time and recognize and celebrate progress instead of actual perfection. Seems to me this would be easier on the psyche.
The other suggestion is that you start taking a supplement called phosphatidyl choline. It changes anxious thinking and can stop intrusive thinking (that over which you seem to have not control) overnight in some people, takes longer for others. It is part of what is in lecithin in foods (in eggs and meat for example) but for some reason modern man seems unable to metabolize enough of it from food. Take 420 mg 3 times a day. You may be dealing with a simple nutritional deficiency here, and this would be the way to find out.
2006-12-05 11:41:53 · answer #2 · answered by Samslou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a fairly common OCD
Obsessional Compulsive Disorder type scenario.
u feel compelled to do things .......
u maybe need to get help from an Occupational Therapist. Do you have one in ur area? u can go through the gp and they may make a referral.
they can offer support and encouragement and sometimes a little Je ne sais quoi if u get the right one.
The ones i have known from years back were really quite marvellous. Friendly, supportive and very knowledgeable about what they are dealing with.
I think there are other issues which need to be dealt with and the only way u can do that is by talking.
good luck.
2006-12-05 11:44:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who are you trying to please? You, or someone else? You can never please others... you may have heard the phrase, you can please some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.
Look, think about what you want to accomplish by being perfect. Do you think that will make people like you better? Are you trying to please someone in particular? Or are you afraid that if you are not perfect, you will be penalized or attacked by someone in some way? If that is the case, then realize that you can't fend off what others think or say, you can only control yourself.
In terms of your personal standards, examine those, too. Resolve to do your best, strive for greatness. But greatness also includes grace, gracefully losing and resolving to do better next time, learning from your mistakes to do it better and gain skill, etc. Decide what values are most important to you, and then ensure that what you do and what your life is about is in relation to those things.
You probably know by now that perfection is an ideal, but not a reality. Relax, take a deep breath. Decide what you want out of life between now and the time that you die. What do you want out of life? Throw away all the petty uselessness of trying to do it better than everyone else. Breath, and go live YOUR LIFE.
You can also look up books and advice from Martha Beck. I have found them helpful.
2006-12-05 11:52:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just the fact that you have recognised it is half the battle won! Observe your actions if you can & if u catch urself, just say, "let it go, this is not a competition, it's about having fun...
(I know it's difficult as I'm kind of the same, I am always looking for the "best" & constantly compare everything as which one is the best).
I have also had this since childhood & sometimes if it's deeply embedded in us, we need some kind of therapy, maybe Hypnosis therapy to deal with it but maybe you don't need therapy as you really want to deal with this ,
When there's a will, there's a way!
2006-12-05 11:50:38 · answer #5 · answered by glgl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although you may not have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you may have Obsessive tendancies. The emotional and physical strain you are suffering can obviously not continue - otherwise you will get caught in a vicious cycle,where the more perfect you aspire to be, the more tired and depressed you will be-therefore the more lethargic,and more likely to fail you will become. I know it sounds like an unhelpful cliche, but I really do suggest you get some psychological help-your g.p can refer you, and perhaps help you with the direct physical issues at the same time.
2006-12-05 11:41:32 · answer #6 · answered by L.A.U.R.E.N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had this madness perfectionist when I first left my ex- horrible husband and it stayed with me for 2 yrs. Then I realised and try to find the self help books to read about it.
Before I realised I noticed that 'The same jobs that others do, it all finished on time,in time and they are not as tired as much as me...why I am so so tired...and many times in almost everything I do take time and energy more than the others and I still not happy of what I have done. This is crazy! some thing we do not need that much of neat and energy. we have many other things that need Priority and Quality.
*Because you mentioned about it happened since childhood..
Please do the search on 'Personality Disorder' about 'Perfectionist' *You may have it or may not but
Don't worry...'There's always the solutions for PROBLEMS' :-)
2006-12-05 17:19:20 · answer #7 · answered by SERENE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
As i have gotten older i have found this a problem too, however i am not at the point of depression yet!!
My advice is go see your GP it could be a form of OCD which can be a dibilatating disorder if left untreated!
Remember though, as long as u are happy with what u've done and tried ur best, thats all that counts !!
Rx
2006-12-05 11:43:32 · answer #8 · answered by Renee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will be more beneficial if you revert your energy from trying to be perfect to realizing and accepting that as impossible.
Nobody can nor is perfect at everything. Many people have various skills. You may be capable of performing one skill better than another, while another person can perform another skill better than you. This is life and the sooner you learn to deal with it, the better your chances are of a stress free future.
If you cannot nor care not to realize this, then I suggest a very good psychiatrist.
2006-12-05 11:38:34 · answer #9 · answered by S H 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The way you have described my friend, it looks like you suffer from Panic attacks and have Type A personality behaviour. You need some sessions with a good Psychiatrist and what is known a s Cognitive therapy. It will help you a lot
2006-12-08 08:22:20 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋