How do I get over being cheated on?

Question

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little more than two years and we are seriously considering marraige within the next few years. Last year around this time, my best friend was having problems with his girlfriend at the time and they broke up. My girlfriend felt sorry for him and went to comfort him (I had been drinking, so I decided to go to sleep, it was late). Later that night, she tells me that she let him touch and fondle her (it didn't go all the way according to her). About a month later, he comes over and we invite him to stay the night in another room as he didn't want to drive home in the dark (for some reason he has had problems driving at night, even before this night). The next morning, I discover that my girlfriend isn't in bed next to me, so I get up and walk towards the other room and discover that she is laying next to him. I remember going back to our bedroom and I was so shocked that I couldn't say a word for what seemed like an hour, and she insists...

...that it wasn't what I had thought it was. Now, I haven't had any problems since then, except I get nervous any time the two of them are alone together. She has done a lot lately to show me that she is loyal to me, and I still really love her and do not want to leave her. What should I do to get over this, as we want to get married within the next few years?

Also, would it be unreasonable or a bad idea to ask her not to be around him unless I'm there? I have already decided to give both of them another chance, so please don't tell me to kick him/her to the curb.

I have also thought about talking to my girlfriend later today about it, cause this situation caused some problems Sunday night, and I am beginning to think that talking to her and asking her truthfully what happened those two nights and how she was feeling at the time might help me overcome my anxiety, as well as make her feel a little bit better about what she had done (she feels awful about it and keeps telling me that she doesn't deserve me and doesn't understand why I am still with her). Is this a good idea?

Answer 1

getting over something like this is hard. i have been through simlar situations. it's not easy. but as the old saying goes..."there's no use crying over spilled milk" ecause what's done is done and there's nothing you can do about it. now i don't want to sound harsh or too much of a realist, but this happens. how i managed to get over it, was it took time. being around that person caused me to think of that(as it will you), and as a result brought up heart-ache. not altogether, but cut off visual communication ( spending time with them) verbal or elctronic communication is ok. after a year or so(if your lucky just a few months), the pain of this will slowly die down. now it won't always go away, but as you move on and look for other leads in life, other joys will arise that will make you be almost happy that this happened, so that you could come to where you are then. mainly it takes patience. but just as a deep wound may never hea; completely, it will heal to where you can operate normally and don't know it's there save for when you happen to see it. with a relationship, it won't heal completely(always) but it will heal to where you are able to go on with life and operate normally save for times of remeniscing(think i spelled that worng). hope this helps! any other q's on this or anything [e-mail]

Answer 2

I've cheated on persons earlier than,and I've additionally been cheated on.That's why I feel that open relationships are tips on how to pass.Not that persons will have to take talents in their courting being open frequently,however a complete lot of persons in long run relationships do have a tendency to stray at a few factor,it is simply human nature.So it is regularly well to have the dishonest finish of a courting a little open,in order that if/whilst it occurs it may not destroy the whole thing all in combination.I'd as an alternative forgive any individual I love for his or her errors than to run away on the grounds that of them and vice versa.

Answer 3

Listen honey, obviously your best friend and your girl friend are having something. A women doesn't let another man touch her unless she wants something to do with him. And she is not going to be sleeping next to him unless she had sex with him. What you need to do is let them be together and continue with your life. Ones a cheater always a cheater and you can't change that. Trust me if she likes the way his f****** her she is not going to live him alone. OPEN your eyes and continue your life alone or with some new. Because that girl is going to play with your feelings. My advise to you is DO NOT marry her unless you can trust her.

Answer 4

All I can say is that it will take time. It took me almost a year and a half to get over a girl I was with for almost two years. Whatever you do, don't sit around and mope, you have to surround yourself with the ones you love (not the cheater) and be able to go and have a good time.

{I am assuming that you have dumped the girl and don't speak to the guy anymore. }

Answer 5

Wow, that's a really hard situation, I feel for you.

Have you spoken to your girlfriend about how this makes you feel? Has she spoken about it to you?

If you have, is she willing to make any kind of commitment to stay faithful to you? If not, then perhaps (however painful separation might be) she is not worthy of being with you.

Even if she does promise never to cheat on you again, it takes time for trust to be rebuilt, and she shouldn't expect to return to the same level of trust with you until she has proven her loyalty over time.

I hope this helps.

Answer 6

Do you feel you can trust them? How will you deal with the fact of every time the two of them are together you think about what has happened in the past? Think about this marriage real hard.

Answer 7

well the question is do u want to stay with her if not then leave her if u diodnt already but dont go out and drink to much that only makes it worsh trust me it has happened to me alot then go out go to some strip clubs get over her and then go out and find your self a better girl friend treate her with the best of respect do any thing she wants and then if it happens to u again then do the same thing

*i highly recumend the strip clubs so u get over her*

Answer 8

Dump her!!! She let him touch her and then ended up in his bed. Why would she not do the same for another guy that she felt sorry for?

There is no use in marrying a girl that you do not trust.

Relationships are built on trust. If there is no trust, there is no relationship.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 9

By not considering your feelings, she has definitely cheated on you even if she claims that no sex was involved. She would do it again if you forgive this, and believe me, she would sleep with him over and over knowing that you'd pardon her. I know its a painful decision having to let a girl you love and want to marry go, but this is the best decision in my opinion. You'll heal in time. Take heart.

Answer 10

oh please..if your girlfriend cheated on u with ur friend..any man in ur shoes will beat the crap out of her and him..if this is true I would let her go..because it seems as though she knows exactly what she is doing..she probably has been feeling your friend for a long time and now is her chance to get him..move n with your life and find someone that will love you for you.