My ex and her daughter.?

Question

My ex and i recently borke up due to my stupidity and immaturity. Before we when started dating, i found out she had a 16 month old daughter. She was raped by someone and her daughter was the result. I fell in love with my ex and i hit it off with her duaghter to the point where i consider her to be my own. I am only 17, but i cared for her like she was my own. I still love my ex and there is a possibility that we may get back together. I just need some advice on how to be a better boyfriend and father.

Answer 1

It is my opinion that you may be being hard on #1...You. Immaturity is one thing. Stupidity is another. Depending on the level of immaturity, you may need to grow up a bit more before you entertain the thought of a family. Stupidity is something that comes in many degrees.1. Be faithful 2. Be gentle
3. Be proficient in providing for those you love. 4. Any and all aspect of your youth that hinder your ability to bewho you wish to be(father/boyfriend)need to be left behind. If you truly Love Her..Then this will come naturally. No partyin' is gonna assist you in your quest. Just be sure it's whats right for you, as well as the woman and child. Best wishes.

Answer 2

Age is just a number, I have seen 12 year olds wiser than 50 or 60 year olds, I've also seen kids in their late teens and early 20s have more of a clue than their own parents. You can't judge someone purely because of their age. The first thing you learn when (if) you go to the university is not to generalize. Imagine if everything people say about "those mexicans" were true? House on Mango Street would never have been written. Dude, if you want to pursue a chance with her again, just talk to her, be up front, honest, apologetic...but above all just be completely honest. The only thing that would make me think twice here is (though I am not condoning immature behaviour) if she can not tolerate little bits of immature behaviour here and there from you, despite your other good qualities and heartfelt emotions for her, she may not be the one for you. I know I do not know this girl or her daughter, but people who have been through rape and other testing circumstances like that are usually quite a handful and offer more grief than solace in the overall picture. Best of luck

Answer 3

borke?

that's a great artist and a foodie.

but that's not important right now... growing up is the key... it doesn't takea rocket scientist to figure out what it takes to make this trio work.

just get serious.. get down to business and find a career.. prove to the both of them that your love is unconditional and never ever sway for another.

make sure you got the job in line (a better one) with better pay before you drop on your knee and beg for forgiveness.

no fooling around.. no hard drinking... no late nights with questionable friends who could cause damage to your relationship... being a good listener and provider are the two major elements. being there for the kid is another. being honest.. yourself and a upright citizen will be a major plus too.

no anger.... no blaming and no acting like a brat... if you got annoying habits or bad ones... and a temper.. drop them. be creative... find proactive hobbies that don't inundate people... be inventive.. find ways to help with the whole 'creative' approach instead of the anti creative and anti productive.

be happy. be warm... be enthusiastic.

and be honest with yourself.. if you can't do these things.. don't lie to yourself about this it will just make things worse.

you must be ready.

you must be ready to be open.. plyable, ready for change and a change that will last a life time.

patience is a real big must also.

if you got any issues... that you know will make things harder for all of you... get them out of the way first.... before you decide to make your life more complex and go back to them.

and of course they must be willing also.

being a father... is a hard job.. being a husband is a hard job.... not only is it a responsibility but you must be able to find happiness and fulfillment with this also... and be sociable.. remember being a dad means you probably have to deal with other families.... be a neighbor.. be a friend.

it's very complex... and new things will always come your way.. new challenges.. remember to be mature about it and think... common sense and a open mind must dictate.

:D

Answer 4

I have to say that just because someone is a certain age doesn't mean that they can't handle responsibility when i had my baby at 17 my now ex-husband was 21 he was in and out of jail all the time I knew i had to raise my daughter alone I didn't ask for help I worked constantly for everything we had and she is now 13 yes you are young but I feel if you want to be a good boyfriend and father is to show that you care, if you truly love and want to be this little girls father you'll have to help support her, give her unconditional love and always be there for them both good luck to you and your family.

Answer 5

Dude your still a kid

Kids make different decisions then men.
A choice you make now will not be what you choose when you are a man.
Do you have a job ?
Can you support a family now with that job?
Food, clothes, sheltar, car, health insurance etc
Are you going to go to School?
Getting with someone without haveing it planned out will just end in disaster not only for you but for each other as well.
If you love them you will wait till you have your own affairs in order. That way you can do the right thing when the time is right.
Thinking you know and knowing are two different things.

Answer 6

First of all... wow... you sound like a very mature person, one she should be happy to have in her life. I think you should tell her what you just told us. That you know you're stupidity and immaturity is why it ended, and that you want to know from her what you can do to become a better boyfriend and father. No matter what she tells you go along with it. Ask her how you can do these things. Then do them. Show her all of the effort and sacrifice you're making. Do it happily. I'm sure she'll appreciate the help, and all of your effort.

Answer 7

At 17 you are supposed to make stupid mistakes, live, learn and improve. Being a parent is a lot of responsibility and not one that many children should take on.

I respect the fact that you love her, but before making such a commitment, you should know all the pros and cons.

It would be unfair to the little girl to come in and out of her life at will. She will be the one hurt in the end.

Think about it!!!

Answer 8

I'm sorry about your situation. I am sure that it is really killing you to be separated from that little girl. I would love to be able to help you, but you gave very little information about why you broke up other than your stupidity and immaturity.

Your best bet would be to listen to your ex and find out from her what she feels would make you a better boyfriend. I think a great boyfriend would be someone who is supportive, caring, and understanding of my needs. Hope this helps!!!

Answer 9

Look at what you said 'I am only 17' - that's the issue right here. I find it admirable that you love this person and her daughter, but you are really too young to grasp the responsbilities of being a boyfriend/husband/father. By all means be friends with your ex but don't jump into this role, is may be more than you can handle at this point.

Answer 10

Only you know what things in your life need work. Think about the things that you do that could potentially hurt a child, and her mother for that fact. Also, you are young, so be sure that you would never find yourself resenting the responsibility. That's a hard spot to be in when you love someone.