She comes back home when outside is already dark?

Question

I'm 21.I have a daughter age 7.We live without her father.She is very independent and mature for her age.She is a happy child and always plays or anything and along with that she is mature.When she comes back from school,I'm at work and she eats sandwiches(I've made in the morning) and after writing her homework,she goes out with friends.She comes back after 4-5 hours(they play in far neighbourhood and she uses the bus).When she comes,it's sometimes dark outside.I'm afraid a little if something bad happens.I've talked with her if she would be able to come earlier but she refuses and says they have a great time and nothing bad will happen.I don't want to break the relationship between us(we are close as friends and I won't let anything to change that).What should I say or do,to explain that dark is danger sometimes?

Answer 1

So what you mean to tell me is that you had her when you were 14. I doubt if a 7 yr-old is "mature". If she is, expect to be a grandmother in a few years.

Answer 2

Are you serious?

First off, if social services ever got wind of this they'd take the child into protective services. Maturity has nothing to do with this case. A 7 year old is not mentally or emotionally able to rationalize things like a teenager or an adult. One simply mistake and she's in the back seat of some strangers car, setting the house on fire, or worse, choking to death on her sandwich.

Why on EARTH would you leave a child alone that young? Its illegal for starters, and not good for a child to be that responsible for herself.

Second off, a 7 year old has no business on public transportation alone. 60 pounds is nothing to pick up, and cart off, and sicko's do it every day. Not to mention that no one pays attention to the back of the bus. AND besides that, her friends will always be able to sway her on issues such as going into unsafe situations. This isnt the happy go lucky 50s where everyone just loved all the precious children. This is 2006 where pedifiles, killers, rapests and child molesters roam our streets like stray dogs. You can look it up on line, even in the boonies where I live there are 3 child molesters and 2 rapists within 5 miles of me.

Lastly, why on EARTH would you let a 7 YEAR OLD CHILD decide what she can and wont do? Are you insane? You're a parent, not a friend. Grow the hell up. What an idiodic way to raise a child.

Ugh. I seriously hope this is one of those prank questions to irk us into mean responses. I seriously wish i had your information to report to child protective services.

Answer 3

"I don't want to break the relationship between us(we are close as friends and I won't let anything to change that)"

Hate to say it, but that is where you're going wrong...You are her MOTHER, not her friend! Ok, so you were a child yourself when you had her, but that's no reason for you to continue acting like one now...She needs to listen to you when you say you want her to come home earlier, and there need to be consequences for her if she continues to ingore or disobey you! You need to act like her mother and she needs to see you as just this...not saying you have to be mean or not let her have fun with you, but you need to be the authoritative figure, not her. If she doesn't see you this way now, imagine how she will be acting in a few years! She's only 7, for goodness sakes, and in this day and age, no matter where you live, being out after dark unaccompanied can be very dangerous, even for a lot of adults. Does she know about paedophiles and the like? What about the regular "stranger danger?" Perhaps learning about these, if she hasn't already, could heighten her awareness and teach her why it's not safe for her to be out so late.

You really need to take control of her, though...there's just no other way around it! You're her mother and it's your job to keep her safe to the best of your ability!!

I've somehow missed the fact she is staying at home ALONE until she goes out like this...This also needs to be stopped. A friend, neighbor, your mother/father, SOMEONE needs to be with her or you need to find a job that will allow you to be at home when she gets back..Some kind of arrangement needs to be made. She is too young to be there alone! You need to either hire a babysitter (if you can't afford one, you can get assistance, I'm sure...check with your local welfare office/council/authority and they will tell you what can be done) or be home when she comes back from school. After that, ground rules need to laid out AND FOLLOWED by both of you! If you say she can go play with her friends for an hour and she comes back late, she shouldn't be allowed to on the following day (or something like this...)....You need to take a stand, otherwise she may well walk all over you as she grows older.

Answer 4

Okay you answered your own question. You are her mother NOT her friend.

When she is an adult herself then you can be her friend. You don't ASK your 7 year old to come home at a certain time you TELL her end of story. She is not an adult therefor stop treating her like she is. As her mother it is your job to protect her and letting a 7 year old take the bus as night is not only follish but it is dangerous. I think you may need to grow up a bit yourself and start thinking as a mother and not a little girl...

For your daughters safety I hope you do

Answer 5

It may not be the answer you want to hear but you are first her mother and second her friend. It is your job to protect her from danger and if that means your going to make her mad for a few days because at her age she cant understand why she has to be home before it is dark, then you have to except that. She will not stay mad forever. If you keep letting her come and go whenever she wants, there is a chance that someone is going to rape or kill her. If you are a good, protective, supportive mother the friendship part of your relationship will come natural

Answer 6

Point out to her that, at her age, if she gets into trouble, it is YOUR fault, not hers. The authorities will assume she is not old enough to be responsible, and they will blame YOU. So even though you trust her, you do not trust the universe to keep her out of trouble, and you don't want to be blamed. If you cannot be where she is to protect her, it isn't fair to blame you. So she needs to consider how much trouble she would be causing YOU if she ran into any trouble.

No need to go on about weird men who might grab her and all that, but you can point out that not everyone is to be trusted, and the cover of darkness is a big deal for someone doing something illegal. So if she is home before dark, she's a whole lot safer.

She knows you love her, and worry about her. She may not know that she is putting you at risk, or that she might be taken away from you if the authorities conclude you have not protected her adequately. If necessary, make it an iron rule, and start taking away privileges. Start with the privilege of playing with her friends outside after homework. If they want to hang out together, it must be somewhere safe.

Even at age seven, kids have a sense of responsibility, or at least they are ready to learn it. Not getting Mom in trouble, and not risking the authorities taking her away from Mom, is part of her responsibility.

Answer 7

She refuses to follow your instructions? That's a bunch of nonsence! Are you forgetting you are the parent, she is the child.
Your first responsibility to your daughter is to be a good parent NOT a friend. The situation you describe is dangerous; put a stop to it immediately!
A 7 yo should not be left unsupervised and uncared for for a long period of time during the day much less after dark.
You should have a sitter or find an after school program for her.

Answer 8

I have this problem with my daughter as well. I am home when she is suppose to be back. My rule is if the street lights have come on you should be in your yard. No matter how much I have grounded her, she still comes lated. Sometimes by a few minutes and sometimes by 15-20. It drives me nuts. So I purchased a 2nd cell phone and when she goes to play she must take it with her. I call her 15 minutes before it gets dark to remind her. If it is dark I talk to her till she makes it home. She has no sense of time. She will be late for her own funeral..........

Answer 9

You let your 7 year old take off for hours when you dont know where or what she's doing? Thats irresponsible. She should not be traveling by bus alone after dark thats for sure. You need to make this stop. She's not old enough to be doing what you are letting her do. If anything should happen you will be in court on charges and could lose her.And frankly maybe they would be in the right this time.

Answer 10

You are not her friend, you are her parent. STart acting like it or your daughter is headed for huge trouble. What she needs is supervision - either get a new job where you can be with her at night or find someone who can. I don't care how mature you think she is, 7 is too young for her to be on her own and is illegal. She has no idea of the consequences of her actions yet so you have to think this through for her.

Answer 11

Let her watch some of the news, where little girls are kidnapped or rapped or killed.. . a horrible thought! But, you need to do whatever it takes to protect her. And, shes only 7, she shouldn't be coming home after dark! Your friendship with her isn't going to change. She may be mad for a few days or even a week, but she'll get over it. Explain to her how much you love her and that it would kill you if anything happend to her.