I recently discover my girlfriend aged 27 (me 25) has had 13 partners. I on the other hand could count them on one hand. I am some what surprised with her numbers... should i feel guilty for the way i feel... I can't get it out of my head.
2006-12-05 02:13:02 · 39 answers · asked by lon24m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow... let it go man. Worrying and fretting over something so small will just cause problems and isnt worth all the effort. Its not like she can change it, even tho Im sure she wishes she could change some of them. But... Let it go. It shouldnt make any difference to you how many people she has slept with.
2006-12-05 02:14:33 · answer #1 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ever heard of the Sexual Revolution? Believe it or not, people tend to have more and more sexual partners as time goes. It would be a good idea (with any partner, no matter the number of sexual partners) to get yourself checked before doing anything. As for you feeling uncomfortable, that is normal. Maybe because as a guy, its kind of challenging to you that someone is more sexually experienced than you are. Not true. 13 flings don't count as "experience", only insecurity, fear of commitment, or many other things. Just don't worry about it. Its actually better for you to have less partners, because at least you are a little more serious in relationships.
2006-12-05 02:19:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not being ridiculous, maybe. If you believe that she is now and will continue to be faithful, it shouldn't bother you. Who she is (and isn't) sleeping with now is vastly more important than who she slept with before. The past is the past, and that's where it belongs. But history does tend to repeat itself, so you'd be an idiot not to at least think about that. You're right to realize that she could backslide (as could you) any time without warning, so it is something that should be talked about. Ignoring a very real possibility won't make it go away. I would suggest some professional help in talking about this matter. You need someone to sort of referee the discussion, just to make sure it doesn't become unintentionally accusatory or judgemental. Perhaps a sobriety counsellor can either provide or recommend such a service to you, because it is something that needs to be addressed before either of you commit to something like a marriage. There is no shame in asking for help.
2016-03-13 03:39:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a great scene in the movie "Clerks" about this very common male insecurity. I advise you let it go. My wife totally out played half the planet before I met her. And that is the key - it happened before I came along. She is the most wonderful person in the world. I wouldn't trade her for anything and she makes me feel more number one than number 4,999,999. Well obviously the number wasn't so high - but it was more than 13 - i can tell ya that. I got over it and our relationship blossomed. I suggest you do the same.
2006-12-05 02:17:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings aren't so unusual -- I've been there, too. In a relationship, we want to feel like we're as special to our partners as they are to us. If we dwell on them too much, our partners' past lovers can seem like "competition" and make us insecure about our status of being wanted. In my case, there was also a jealousy component -- I envied her for having been so much more successful (in my mind) than me.
Try to turn it around. She's been with 13 guys who either disappointed her or didn't value her -- and that experience has led her to you. How many of them really count for anything anyway? If you've ever had a one-night stand, they really don't add much to your life.
Anyway, I think you'll get over your feelings once the surprise wears off. Try not to worry about it.
2006-12-05 02:44:30 · answer #5 · answered by Blenderhead 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off men are wired that way alot of studies point to men being able to tell alot about a girl and evaluate pretty quickly her ability to have kids and such. so what you are feeling is normal. but the guts of it are why do you care. do you think that you are compared against those guys or do you question her loyalty. but here is the deal if she had one relationship each year at age 16 and two flings that brings you up to 13 so if you are in a relationship with her and it has been less than a year and you have had sex then i dont see how you can say that she has done anything wrong.
basically if it gets to you that bad you have to break up or find a way to get past it.
2006-12-05 02:18:29 · answer #6 · answered by gsschulte 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its understandable... yes. but its surprising how people tend to expect each other to have a clean slate. she probably had to kiss a few frogs before she could get to you. women have such a deep urge for love and at times we keep falling into the same trap over and over, hoping the next one will work out better than the last. if some men (and women too)...were honest and sincere... no woman would have to have such a long record of past lovers. my boyfriend has accepted... and the best thing he has done for me is protect me from this mad cycle. he believes we shouldnt expect people to have come from packed boxes, clean new and naive... every experience builds you and once you've found the right one, like she's found you... you appreciate and love with all your heart. she had a life before you... accept that. women are thrown into a cacophony of emotions early coz we mature quick...its no walk in the park. and there is no way she can undo it...
2006-12-05 02:24:41 · answer #7 · answered by Reb Da Rebel 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
For me, it would depend on whether they were relationships or casual sex, and same with your count; that is what should determine how you feel about it. Did she have one night stands or did she have sex when she felt she was in love? Did she feel pressured by any of them and gave in? It is how you yourself perceive the number. To someone else, 13 may be normal or low, and to someone else, 5 might be high. If you want to stay with her, you have to find a way to deal with it within yourself, either accept it or not, because you certainly can't change it!
2006-12-05 02:19:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What she did in her past is in the past. Forget about it. She's with you now and as long as she's only with you, then you have nothing to worry about.
If we scrutinized everyone we dated based on their past, we may or may not be with the person we are currently with, even though they are the most amazing person we've ever met. People change, it's called growing up.
Everyone makes mistakes, but you can't hold something that she did before she met you against her. That's not fair. Her past has made her into the person she is today, the person you want to be with. She's still the same person you dated before you knew about it. Accept her for who she is.
2006-12-05 02:18:48 · answer #9 · answered by tipper 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
We all have past lives - get over it. If she has had 13 partners at age 27, that is not a bad number.
2006-12-05 02:32:18 · answer #10 · answered by NAN G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋