I have always known there was something odd about the way our relationship was unfolding, like some fundamental connection was lacking. At first, I discounted it as incompatability, just let us move on our seperate ways. But then there were still really good times when we went out too where we were really "together". We talked and she told me she has always been like this, scared to commit but scared to be alone. I am in a catch-22 and didn't know why. I think I have an answer now, but it is hard for me to consider let alone address w/ her, but after A LOT of reading, I am pretty sure she exhibits signs of a specific mental disorder. I am supposed to see her today (which, as always, is a tentative proposition) but assuming I do, I want to discuss what I have been reading b/c I think she is lost as to why she feels the way she does. I know I risk chasing her away if I suggest this, but I would rather that and she might see some truth in what I say and DO something about it.
2006-12-05 01:30:56 · 7 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Health ➔ Mental Health
So, assuming I do get to see her today and have the courage to discuss this, how do you reccommend that I approach this subject? I want her to know there are other people like this w/out feeling like I am mad or judgemental.
2006-12-05 01:31:11 · update #1
This isn't something you should be approaching her about by yourself. If she has family near by then maybe you can make your case to them first and see if they agree. Or first talk to other friends of hers to see if they see the same things you do.
She may not be too happy about this either way because no one likes hearing they have something wrong with them but at least you now have other support in telling her what you've found.
2006-12-05 01:35:21 · answer #1 · answered by HomSupLo75 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think, honestly, if she has been this way for a long time, and if you are willing to be there for her through thick and thin, her trusting you she might open up to you and you might be lucky and find she is just cautious and does not want to share too much at first. dont give up unless you just dont want to deal with it anymore, but if you have feelings, be there for her and love her. let her trust and she might get better and communicate with you. p.s. i have depression, and i am kinda the same way, trust is big, and if you are a good man, you should ask yourself, can you be there for her, can you hold her if she needs you to, if you cant, dont egg her on, and let her be on her way. if you care for her, do the right thing and let her trust. it is a good thing, it just takes some time for certain people... experienced person here.. scared to committ but scared to be alone, we all are like that, in our own way... she might have been hurt before, try to talk to her in a nice way, about how you can better the relationship, not mentioning the fact that you suspect that she might have a mental disorder...
2006-12-05 02:49:17 · answer #2 · answered by darkshadow300200 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my experience, letting others know about a diagnosis you have made of them never turns out well. The best thing you can do is suggest that she go to someone who is qualified to diagnose.
You could say something like:
"maybe you should see someone; maybe there is really a real problem here, like with your brain chemistry"
i would not suggest you let her know that you have figured out she is bipolar, borderline, whatever.
let a neutral 3rd party give her the diagnosis.
but encourage her to get treatment for her problems.
(she admits she has problems, right?)
2006-12-05 01:39:25 · answer #3 · answered by Sufi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to go back and re-read what you just posted. No, you shouldn't talk to her about it and you need to let her go completely. You don't have a relationship--come on now. Think about it. Just because you think you want one doesn't mean there is anything there. She obviously doesn't want to be in a relationship. She doesn't want to see you. And you cannot fix her. Move on.
2006-12-05 01:36:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe she truly doesnt want to be in a commited relationship. tell her to seek help for her mental disorders; there are medication out there that can help. why would you want to deal with a nut case?
2006-12-05 01:35:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't go diagnosing her...she will feel resentful and hurt..don't even suggest it..she just might not be aware of her feelings for you...she will know when she is ready to commit..it sounds like she likes you, but doesn't really love you yet...don't go ruining things for yourself, by being a doctor instead of her lover...just continue to be kind, loving, and if it is meant to be, she will surrender..
2006-12-05 02:49:50 · answer #6 · answered by MotherKittyKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love this person and you feel it in their best interest be gentle but firm. even if it means loosing them as long as you help them. don't be afraid do what you need to do and everything will fall into place
2006-12-05 01:36:15 · answer #7 · answered by nykkiel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋