Should I or shouldn't I?

Question

I have always known there was something odd about the way our relationship was unfolding, like some fundamental connection was lacking. At first, I discounted it as incompatability, just let us move on our seperate ways. But then there were still really good times when we went out too where we were really "together". We talked and she told me she has always been like this, scared to commit but scared to be alone. I am in a catch-22 and didn't know why. I think I have an answer now, but it is hard for me to consider let alone address w/ her, but after A LOT of reading, I am pretty sure she exhibits signs of a specific mental disorder. I am supposed to see her today (which, as always, is a tentative proposition) but assuming I do, I want to discuss what I have been reading b/c I think she is lost as to why she feels the way she does. I know I risk chasing her away if I suggest this, but I would rather that and she might see some truth in what I say and DO something about it.

So, assuming I do get to see her today and have the courage to discuss this, how do you reccommend that I approach this subject? I want her to know there are other people like this w/out feeling like I am mad or judgemental.

Answer 1

If she was coughing her lungs out, you'd tell her that her constant coughing was causing problems in the relationship and that you cared for her a great deal even with the cough. You'd go on to ask if she had considered the possibility that she may have a cold and ask if she had considered seeing a Dr. about it! Pretty much accurate so far?
Well guess what? Mental illness is not any different. I just don't understand the stigma that seems to accompany it, or the "let them figure it out themselves" approach. It's likely she'll have the same denial reactions that others project in their assessments of the situation, she won't thank you for bringing it up! If the people that care don't bring these issues up, who will?
Ever try to tell an alcoholic that they have problems with alcohol? No way, not them, just because you are such a wuss, etc. Denial! You may face the same here.
The best way to bring it up is the same way you would if she had the cough mentioned above. She says she's been that way for a long time? Point out what it does to the relationship, explain how the ACTIONS make you feel like a yo-yo. Don't blame her, she either isn't really aware, or is in denial. Blame the actions. Tell her how much fun you have, and how much you enjoy her company when the actions don't manifest themselves. Tell her how the actions take away from those feelings.
If you're honest, at that point there are two ways to go:
#1 You can tell her that you really care for her and that you will be supportive and understanding if she decides to do something to help remove the problem actions.
#2 You can tell her that you're a shallow SOB who doesn't have the guts to stick around, and that you have taken only her actions into account, even if they were only reactions to something you did, or said. Only you can answer the question of which way to go. By the way, does this make YOU think about anything?

Answer 2

perhaps you should look at your ownself before saying anything to her about her own problem? Looks like you are looking for an excuse and not sure how to approach it, but thats just the vibes i'm getting from you, other than it was way too much reading.

Answer 3

Are sure that is the case maybe she was hurt and just scared and remember she a person and she will crave for companionship. Just make sure before you confront her

try talking to a doctor about this

Answer 4

first ask her if she looked into it then tell her you did a bit of research cuz you care about her and want the best for her say you came up with some interesting things maybe she would want to hear but warn her she may get mad and if she doesn't want to hear then you will stop

Answer 5

unless you are a health care professional trained in diagnosis of illness --- dont say a word ---- and forget you read it --- because you are probably wrong

go out with her and enjoy her company and if she feels she needs professional help she will get it

Answer 6

if you are not too sure about what you see or notice about her it not your right to ask or do anything regarding her mental health, maybe you should ask a professional what is it you should do?

Answer 7

get her drunk and introduce it to conversation, i know a bloke like that, hes a right jerk, sometimes its just in their programming, we cant all blame our defficiancies on mental disorders yno.