I ask this because I saw a woman lighting up a cigarette for her teenage daughter, and they were hanging out like old pals.
I say this because of the women I see who baby talk their two-year olds or bribe them to be good...
Is it really that important to some parents that their kids like them when they get older than trying to shape a child or teenager into a respectable adult?
Listening to your kids is one thing, but actually going out of your way to FIT IN with them is something else, in my opinion (the lady smoking with her 16 year old daughter INFURIATED me).
What are your views on this?
2006-12-05 01:05:58 · 13 answers · asked by <3 The Pest <3 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I seriously wanted to choke that lady... I wanted to march right up to her and ask her if she let her daughter have sex in the house, too.
2006-12-05 01:21:02 · update #1
I have to agree with you 100% -- I worry about a lot of these children that are being raised by their "friends". I talked to one Mom similar to the one you described. Not only did she let her 13 year old smoke in the home, in front of her -- but she went on to tell me that she would let him and his friends drink alcohol at home with alcohol that she provided. She felt that it was ok because the kids would either be sleeping over or walking home.
Shocking! I asked her if she realized it was against the law and her answer was that he was her child and it was in her own home, etc. She said she was teaching him how to drink responsibly. It's a form of child abuse if you ask me.
I heard another person talk to their young (10 yr old) daughter and friends -- saying "remember this girls - 'No money, no honey'"....what values does that teach....a guy can treat a girl like sh*t, beat her, etc and it's ok if he's rich?! It'd be one thing to say that joking around with another adult -- but to say that to an impressionable child....ARRRGH!!
OK....I'll step off my soapbox now. It's just so frustrating.
2006-12-05 01:22:34 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ dreamweaver ♥ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with you.....however, two year olds won't be ruined because parents baby talk once in awhile and well there's briberyand then there's reward for good behavior.....or as we teacher's call it, behavior modification. Anyway, I think giving in to your kids is what does most parents in....when they cross the line there needs to be a consequence and/or a conversation (not a lecture).......kids like knowing where the boundaries are and enforcing the boundaries is another way to say 'I love you.' I don't get along with my new husband's second daughter because of her lack of respect for me and the rules of my house (boyfriend sleeping over, and basic disregard for anyone else but herself and the fact that she is known as a b***ch is her excuse for her bad behavior). She was raised to expect things should always go her way or else she has a hissy fit.....she is poorly equipped to handle the real world as an adult and she's 21. She doesn't live here anymore and tries to upset my household especially since her grandmother moved in and the holidays are coming....
2006-12-05 09:29:53 · answer #2 · answered by miatalise12560 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm parent first, then friend. Age plays an important role though. When kids are younger they need more parenting than friendship, as they get into the teenage years they need more friendship than parenting. We still have rules for my 13 year old but he's gaining freedom. It's during the friendship times of riding in the car or going out for dinner that he opens up and talks about what's going on in life and the decisions he needs to make. He knows he isn't allowed to do certain things, but through our friendship I know that he is making the right choices when asked to smoke, drink, sneak out, etc. He makes the right choices because we've taught him right from wrong and why it's right or wrong.
I doubt the lady smoking started up for her daughters sake. I also doubt she's sat her down and told her why she shouldn't. We need to pay attention to the bad habits we have in our lives. It's hard to tell your kids not to do it if you do. We don't allow anyone to smoke in our home and our children know WHY we choose not to.
2006-12-05 09:33:28 · answer #3 · answered by ruby 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My daughter is 2 1/2 and in a lot of ways we're good friends. We like to read together, play together, walk together, and go shopping together. As long as she is behaving appropriately, we are just having fun and being friends. But I know when it's time to be mom. I also try to be understanding of her feelings and needs like I would for a friend and not dismiss her feelings thinking "she's just a kid". I do think it's important we treat kids like human beings.
I hope when my daughter is a teenager we can hang out and have fun together, and I will try to be understanding of her feelings but even then if she tries to swear, wear inappropriate clothing, or certainly if she wants to smoke I will know it's time to put my foot down.
2006-12-05 09:20:40 · answer #4 · answered by AerynneC 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
GOD NO!! I don't care if my boys think I'm the means, weirdest, worst PARENT in the world, as long as they know I'm there PARENT FIRST!! I put there NEEDS in front of there wants. I want them to grow up knowing I was the best parent that I could be, not the best friend I could be.
Now that's not to say that I'm not there friend to cause I do enjoy hanging out with my boys (hay there 3 and 8, why wouldn't I?) but that doesn't mean I'm going to let them do what ever they want just so that they will think of me as a friend.
OK I'm not sure if any of that made sense cause I'm tired, so good night tell my 3 year old wakes up.
2006-12-05 09:42:38 · answer #5 · answered by Danielle 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm a friend and a parent at the same time. Children have to know that you as a parent are in charge at all times. A parent should never try to fit in with their kids friends because then the children will not know will the boundaries for right and wrong are.
2006-12-05 09:40:32 · answer #6 · answered by rebecca v 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel I'm more a parent then friend. At this point (my kids are 2 and 6) they need a parent. When they are adults I will still be a parent but can also become a friend as well. My husband tries to be the friend because my son has behavior problems and from what I hear from my mother-in-law it is like father like son. So I think my husband feels sorry and can relate to our son so he tries to cut him more slack than I do. Kids need parents not friends to guide them through life.
2006-12-05 10:56:33 · answer #7 · answered by party_pam 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am my child's best friend and parent, but never teach him bad habits, one thing is to show good values and taking proper care of their body and another is being a BAD parent for allowing such a disrespectful behavior to our children, so that lady and her teenage daughter is just going to bring harsh consequences when she reaches adulthood, parents are suppose to be good
role models, apparently that lady wasn't. I agree with you 100%!.
2006-12-05 12:16:26 · answer #8 · answered by Sabine 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree 100%. While I love having a good relationship with my children it doesn't bother me that my son tells me "you hurt my feelings". My children know that I am the mom and that it isn't my job to be their friends it is my job to be their mom. It infuriates me too that some people think being friends with their kids is more important then raising them to be productive members of society.
2006-12-05 09:10:59 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs. Always Right 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think I mixture of both is good. You want to be a good role model for your child and you also want them to be able to tell you anything. Lighting your teenagers cigarette for them isn't ok but to each their own. I started smoking in 10th grade and my mom knew. She told me I should quit but she knew I would not listen so in a way she put up with it. She is also a smoker so i guess she knew deep inside she couldn't.
2006-12-05 12:06:47 · answer #10 · answered by irish20 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋