I have a 9 month old son...?

Question

Who, i know is partly my fault, can not sleeep in his bed but sleeps in mine, with me. I cant sleep with him in bed with me and everytime i try to get him to sleep in his bed, he throws a fit and crys and screams. I have a problem with letting a baby sit in a room and cry its self to sleep, but that is what my mother told me to do.
Can any other parent help me with my problem. Cause i have no clue as to what to do.

I have tried to put him to bed as soon as he falls a sleep, it works till about 11 or 1 pm, he go's to bed about 830 or 930, then he gets back up and will not go back to sleep till hes right next to me. After i get him back to sleep next to me, i try to put him back in his bed, it dont work, he wakes up and crys till i put him back in bed with me... Im so lost..

Ok let me make this clear, i live in a 3 bedroom house. With my 2 brothers and my dad, his room is my room.

Answer 1

I had a similar problem with my daughter, and I had a hard time listening to her cry. Since his crib/bed is in your room, that's a good start. Here's what I did...

1. I rocked her to sleep in a rocking chair (a GREAT investment...I found mine at Goodwill for 10 bucks), if you don't have a rocking chair, just use some other repetitive motion, like swaying, walking, or patting him on the back... I did this while reading a bedtime story....remember, Dr. Seuss is your friend.

2. When those little eyes closed, I laid her down in her crib with a soft blanket...and I left my clock radio on (very quiet) for a little background noise.

3. She would sleep until about midnight, so I picked her up, comforted her and put her back in her own bed... She cried a lot the first few days, but I put her back in her own bed every time...be consistent... he's not going to like that you put him in his own bed, but after a few days of sleepless nights(...it's not appealing to anyone, but that's part of being a parent) he'll get the idea.

4. Eventually, the midnight wailing came to an end, and she learned to self-soothe herself back to sleep. The key is to do the same thing every night (my daugher is now 8 and her brothers are 6 and 2... I did the same things with them) I still read my kids bedtime stories...it's a great way to spend some quality time, plus my daughter and son are reading on their own faster than other kids their age. Create a positive bedtime pattern, and he'll adopt that, even at his young age.

But, you MUST be consistant. It's going to be hard, but it will work out sooner than you expect.

Answer 2

The crying out theory works sometimes but a baby can only cry for so long. Try staying in his room with him until he falls asleep. Maybe start out by being right next to his crib and every night inch your way further to the door until he can do it on his own. It may just take some time for him to get used to be in his own bed and bedroom. I bet once he gets used to it he will sleep so much better by himself. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 3

Your just going to have to let him sit and cry. its hard but if you keep letting this happen he will keep doing it till he is three or four. Its just not healthy. Stay strong and remember you are doing this for his own good. your not being mean. Oh and once you put him down to sleep everytime leave the room. if he does not hear or see you he won't really want you. also take one of your tops. a small one and place it in the bed with him. one that has your scent on it. that will make it easier for him and it will help him to sleep better with out you. good luck and don't give up.

Answer 4

Put him to bed in his own bed when he falls asleep. When he wakes but quiet and quick and change his diaper, feed him, etc. If he continues to cry after about 10 min. go over and put your hand on him to comfort him and tell him everything is ok. Then leave him. Still crying comfort him every 15 min. It's gonna be hard and may take a long while to break him of the habit but you have to do it or he will be 12 years old still sleeping with Mommy.

Answer 5

We had the same problem with out first child and we had to for two weeks listen to her cry and be upset which was heartbreaking but resulted in a much better sleep for our daughter and a much better sleep for us. If it really is to hard maybe give your child a nice warm bath and a story. Other things you could try are ...weird as it might seem, put one of his favorite Teddy's in your top for the day while your at home and let the teddy get your scent and this may be more comforting to your son as it will remind him of you when he is in his own bed. another idea could be to make his room an exciting place that he loves to be, have his favorite TV character in it or let him decorate it...bit messy but will be worth the Zzz

Answer 6

I know it seem very hard at first but eventually he will stop crying.I,too had the same problem with my son who's now 3 1/2 when he was almost 1 I tried that technique,first I let him sleep in his bed with me sitting on a chair in the room with him then after a couple of days I left him there but I see to it that I peeped in his room once in awhile.After couple of weeks he started sleeping on his own.It is really a trial and error you just have to be patient and firm ,if you start picking him up when he cries he knows he got you.Assure him with kisses and hugs before sleeping and talk to him.If he has a favor item put it in bed with him.Hope these suggestions will help.Goodluck!

Answer 7

Letting a baby cry himself to sleep is cruel. Your Mama instincts are right on that one.

Your son is totally normal. It's the age. There's no reason he can't sleep with you if you're okay with it- my daughter slept with me and my husband until she was 2 and then transitioned easily to her own bed when she was ready. It's normal for a 9-month-old to wake up in the night. He's just checking in with you and wanting to connect with you. I found sleeping with my daughter to be the best solution. She would also wake up all the time if she wasn't next to me (and sometimes if she was). There is nothing wrong with a child wanting to be near you and wake up sometimes to reconnect as long as you are getting enough sleep. You'll know when he needs his own space. With my daughter we realized she needed her own space when she was 2 so we got her her own room and bed and she did beautifully with it. If she needs us in the night she can still come in but she usually doesn't. Sometimes she'll come in in the morning to snuggle with us.

Since you're having trouble sleeping with your son and he's having trouble sleeping without you, just figure out what works better for the moment- which way do you get more sleep? Also if his bed is a crib, those mattresses are so hard and not at all like an adult mattress. It's in order to avoid SID but at 9 months unless your bed is super soft he's fine in it. Would you sleep better if you put a body pillow between you guys? How about if you pushed his bed right up to yours so he could have his own surface and you could have yours but he would sense you were close?

Answer 8

My last baby slept with me until he was 13 months old. I just couldn't bear to let him cry in his crib (which was next to my bed because of the bedroom situation as well). There was a book I read (which I can't remember the title) which said the best thing to do is start the baby in his bed and let him cry for 5 minutes, then rescue him. After two nights of this set the timer for 10 minutes, then 15, etc. It was excruciating for me to listen and watch him cry, but it worked.

It also works in reverse--when you let him sleep with you again. You have to be consistent. Babies aren't easy!

He's now 10 years old, in 5th grade, is well adjusted, smart, sweet and loves his mom like crazy.

Answer 9

We did the same thing! It's really, really hard to break. The key is to not put him to bed asleep. Otherwise, he wakes up and is no longer with you and he's upset. Crying it out is absolutely heartbreaking, but you can do it slowly. Go in every few minutes and reassure him without picking him up.

The routine will help - books, singing songs etc. Soon he'll associate the routine with being sleepy. Hang in there!

Answer 10

Your mum's right, but there are ways to do this that you might find a little less upsetting :)
I don't know what country you live in, but here in Australia we have Community Health Nurses who can teach you the settling techniques for babies that are just refusing to do what you want.
Wherever you are, there must be some similar program. Try talking to your GP, or a paediatrician. They should be able to point you in the right direction.
Oh, and if you're interested in trying it, there is also this: if you go to a health food shop (or at least that's where they're sold here in Oz) and look for something called Bach Flower Essences. The one called Walnut is made specifically to help people adjust to change. They are a completely natural product, perfectly safe to use with babies (I use them with both of my children), formulated in the same way that homeopathic products are. Some Rescue Remedy, from the same range of products, probably wouldn't go astray, either.
Best of luck, and hugs to bub :)