A rude joke?

Question

tell me a RUDE joke that will make me laugh and say yuck together

Answer 1

Ok, I got a few jokes that I hope you will like:

There is a tramp on a bus and he sees a nun that he is interested in, so he goes over and sits next to her. The nun gets all angry and storms off the bus. As the tramp is getting off a little bit later, the bus driver calls him over and whispers in his ear that he knows a way he could get what he wants from the nun. He tells him to go to the cemetery on a Tuesday night and wait for her because she usually comes to pray there then and all he has to do is act like G-d and he will tell her what he wants....
Anyway, Tuesday night comes and he dresses up like G-d and goes to the cemetery and sure enough the nun comes along a bit later and starts praying. All of a sudden he comes out from behind he tomb stone and says in a heavenly voice, 'I am G-d and I will answer your prayers, but first you must do something for me!', the nun replies by saying, 'oh yes G-d, what is it that you want...I'll do anything!'. The tramp then goes on to say,that she must have s*x with him, but the nun replies that she is married to the church and has to remain a virgin so could he rather do it up her asss. He says ok and they do the deed. As he finishes, he starts laughing and says, 'HAHAHAH, I'm the tramp from the bus yesterday!' to which the nun starts taking off her nun costume and replies, 'well I'm the bus driver!!!'

Ok, another one:

There are 2 guys and a woman stranded on an island. After a while of being there the woman agrees to having s*x with them because noone can live without it and in no time it becomes a daily thing. Then one day the woman eats something bad and she dies. One day later the guys are still ok....2 days later they are still managing......a week later things get a little bit more difficult for them.......2 weeks later things start getting quite hard for the 2 guys and a little bit unbearable........3 weeks later they are having a really hard time........eventually after a month when things are too unbearable to go on any longer, the one guy turns to the other and says, 'I really think it's time we stop having s*x with her and bury the body!'

My last joke:

There is a guy that becomes a sailor on a ship. As they head out to sea on the first day, he asks another sailor what they do for s*x on the boat seeing as there are no woman aboard. The sailor takes him below deck and points to a barrel there with a hole in it, he says, 'You see this hole? You stick your d*ck in there and do your thing!'. He tries it out and it's great, so he runs back to the same sailor and asks him if he could do this every day. He replies that he could do it every day except Tuesday. Curious, he asks why not on Tuesday....the sailor replies, 'Cos my friend....on Tuesdays, it's your turn inside the barrel!!!'

Haha, I hope you like my jokes! I'l be here all week excepting Friday! *Bow* ;)

Answer 2

Old one but here goes:-

Little girl goes to her mum in the bath. Looks down between her legs and asks 'what is that?'

'That's my sponge' replied her mother.

Couple of days later same girl goes to the bathroom and mum is in there again having just had a close shave. 'Where's your sponge' asks the little girl. 'I've lost it' replies her mum.

Next day the little girl runs into the house all flustered. 'Mummy, mummy come quickly. I've found your sponge'. 'Where is it?' asks her mother. 'Little girl says ' the lady next door is washing my dad's face with it!'

Answer 3

Mouthful..?
Little Johnny goes 2 school, and the teacher says,"Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words,class.D oes anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says,"Wow , little Johnny that's a mouthful."

Little Johnny says,"No miss Rogers, you're thinking of a bl--job."

Answer 4

A bloke went to the dentist to get his teeth checked.While he was sitting in the chair,the dentist asked him,"Have you performed oral sex recently?" Slightly uncomfortable.the bloke replied:"Yes,this morning.I suppose I've got a hair stuck in my teeth?"
"No.As a matter of fact,the tip of your nose is covered in sh-t."

Answer 5

There was a meeting of all the Sardar freedom fighters. They were planning for a free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave... "No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then we would become a State of USA and develop automatically." All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old surd was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL... WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"

Answer 6

Why dont lesbians have nails in their coffins?


They prefer Tongue andGroove....

Heard it yesterday. no offence to any lesbians intended

Answer 7

there were two nuns in the bath one asked the other "where's the soap" and the other replied " yes it does , doesn't it" !!!

Answer 8

There was a woman called Ann-wick, she was a plague to every mans' dick. Rich or poor, men of Honor, they all fought to get upon her. Now she's dead, she's not forgotten , they dig her up and shag her rotten.

*bows*

Answer 9

YO' MAMA'S A** IS SO FAT,WHENEVER SHE SITS SHE GETS TALLER........