why ex smokers look down at you more than non smokers??

Question

my friend next door has been stopped for about three weeks..
some mornings we have a cuppa before schooll run and work and she came to mine this morning.. i gets my cigs out and she goes tut tut do you have to smoke??
i lit one and she starts coughing and saying oh its disgusting, i cant stand it and goes and stands by the back door..
now dont get me wrong im very proud of her for stopping but she smoked far more than me before, never opened the windows or emptied the ashtrays and she was being so snobby and acting like she was it that i just felt like saying fcukoff you hypocrite..
ooh i was fuming!!

Answer 1

Ok, this will prove most effective to make her get the message:

1) Lift up your hand, making a fist...the back of your hand should be facing her.
2) Slowly lift your middle finger until it is extended all the way out
3) Say the following words clearly: "Either shut the F*&k up or grab a cig and smoke. Deal with it"

Cigarette smoke never makes people cough...I hate when people fake it.

Answer 2

Well, of course you can smoke in your own home! Your "friend" is being really selfish to try bullying you like this. Why not ask
"Do you still have a problem with that?" And when she complains, maybe say "Well, OK, and I have a problem with someone who calls and accepts my hospitality and stands in my door abusing how I do things around here. Let's just do the run & get it over with?" That way you get to be proud of yourself for a change : )

Sure, it's hard to give up. The fact that the world doesn't stop with you is part of how hard it is. Lots of people have to change their habits to quit. She can't deal with that by taking it out on you, so don't let her. This is one more bad habit she needs to stop now!

If you have to share the school run, could you exchange with someone else on the rota? Until then, next time she calls, put your coat on to answer the door and walk right out & get in the car. Keep chatting about something or someone else, the school program, or your kids, until she gets the message.

The smoking is nothing to do with her behaviour to you. Everything is going to get on her nerves anyway! Good luck. Maybe she'll buy you a new lighter for Christmas if you stand up for yourself!

Answer 3

Well, that's just ONE ex-smoker. Her problem could be:

1) an obnoxious superiority complex
2) she's trying to affirm her own success by putting you down as weak-willed
3) she's hoping to discourage you but obviously doesn't know the right way to do it

You know, for someone who smoked that much, 3 weeks isn't a long time to have quit and she doesn't have that much to brag about. Just let her know that this is your choice and you're adult enough to weigh your own pros and cons. If she can't be encouraging in a more tactful manner, she can take her judgemental attitude and sod off. She'll get the hint when you stop going with her to school.

Answer 4

To be fair, if she's only been off for three weeks, it may be her way of avoiding temptation by stopping you from smoking around her. I was talking to my wife about this the other day - she's never smoked and I smoked for years but gave up nearly two years ago - and I think I find it more unpleasant now than she does, but then she lived with me as a smoker and got used to it whereas I didn't have to. I try not to be all holier-than-thou about it though.

Answer 5

I found this... seems bit hypocritical. They were in the same situation surely they should know why you do smoke and understand it.Maybe because they have stopped they feel higher than you i dunno drove me mad anyway.

If she has a problem then she could be polite. I always ask people im with if they mind me smoking anyway and when i know they don't i wont ask anymore. I don't know why people have such a problem with asking these things. If someone approached me and said sorry could you smoke over there i wouldnt mind at all as long as people are polite and dont talk about it to the person they are with in that snidy way that just makes me want to do it more.

Answer 6

No I think that the amount of effort required to stop is quite great, and you also sacrifice all that pleasure in the name of your health.

So for an EX smoker (I gave up in 1995) after all these efforts, the last thing you want to do is breathe in someone elses smoke. As this defeats the object of stopping in the firstplace.

To be frank about this I think you are very much in the wrong, and this is because you are not even showing the smallest amount of respect to this person.

For a start you are calling this 'friend' names, and you are jeopardising their health with your cancerous smoke, after all the efforts they have made to improve their lives.

You on the other hand have been too weak to give up, and couldn't be bothered to make the same effort or sacrifice that your friend has!

If I had to visit your house I would do the same. Like many smokers, you would love to give up the habit but are in denial. But it requires strength and the willingness to succeed and you too could give up.

Give your friend some respect, it doesnt matter if it's a six week old baby or a 40 year old father of 3, neither would want to breathe in 3000 chemicals from your disgusting habit!

I have to work in smokers homes and If they dont put their cancer sticks away I walk out, my life is more important than the job.

I'm sorry I don't mean to be harsh at all, these are my views. And I am surprised that you have had so much support on this. CANCER??? HELLO! Why are smokers smoking inside at all? It completely ruins your house and everything is yellow and dirty and your curtains will fall apart! Everything in your house is cancerus!

You are ruining you own health and shortening your life by 20 years, that's your decision, you know the risks, but dont inflict the poisonous smoke on others!
It's disgusting, smoke outside in the rain!

Who would want a selfish friend like you?

Think it over you selfish person!

Look at yourself! And good luck giving up for the new year, I hope you manage it, it's hard work, but well worth it!

x x

Answer 7

I agree with Levian (apologies for spelling). The converted either want others to be freed from the tyranny of tobacco, or they are simply arrogant prats wanting to enforce their new "values" on everyone else.
I admit that it was the hardest thing I ever did to quit smoking cigarettes, but before you applaud me.... to the purist I am not yet set free because I still have a small cigar here and there.
Chuckie "That Cheeky Lad"

Answer 8

She probably got mad because she asked you not to smoke (not in those words, but when she says "do you have to smoke?"), and you lit up anyways. She's probably still sensitive to it, and when she smells it she gets a craving, and has to act a certain way (in your perception, snobby) to get past the craving. Just let her know how you feel. Just because she quit 3 weeks ago doesn't mean that she has the right to make you feel like crap.

Answer 9

I think its because they have been to hell and back stopping but secretly wish they still smoked.
Your friend is a good example of this, standing at the back door while you smoke in an attempt to get away from the temptation.

Answer 10

I know, its weird. My husband went all like that. I've given up for 2 years now, but the only time I really get annoyed with people is if they smoke around children, otherwise I feel a bit sad that I can't be enjoying a smoke too. Maybe they just wish they could be but don't want you to enjoy it so they get so annoying.