there are some relatives who hurt me real bad, just after my father,s furrnal they came back to our place and started asking about my father's stuff, money, one of them ment to set in my father's favourite chair, another one sat with her daughter in his bed and asked for his clothes because some of them was new not to be wasted.
they didn't respect my sadness, i was you teenager, ineeded their help bt nothing i got from them so i kicked them out of our place and since then they bad things about me
infront of other people they act nice so people think that im the bad one
some people told me to forgive them if i wanna go on but i cant...it's to hard. it happened 6years ago and i still remembre it as it was yesterday.
Am i a bad person for not forgiving them?!
Please help
thank you
2006-12-04 21:59:36 · 16 answers · asked by Princess 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sweetheart, you are not a bad person at all.
You were feeling a lot of pain and distress when your father died and these people just shoved you to one side and came and took things away from you that belonged to your dad, just to satisfy themselves.
I am quite a forgiving person, and I would not forgive them, and even if I didn, I would certainly mever forget.
You are a good and hinest human being and these people hurt you. Take care xxx
2006-12-04 22:03:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You're not a bad person. Forgiveness of your relatives after any traumatic event isn't going to come with a "sorry" from you that you don't actually feel! Some people are a bit thick-skinned when grief is involved, just because they are related shouldn't make a difference. Forgive and forget is all very well to say when you hand out advice, unless YOU are really ready, then don't. You are not a lesser person for doing so.
2006-12-04 22:08:41 · answer #2 · answered by renclrk 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it certainly doesn't make you a bad person, but maybe an unhappy one? Forgiveness is not for the benefit of the 'other', but for the benefit of the forgiver because if you let go of the hatred and anger, your heart and memories become clearer, happier and less haunted.
I am not though suggesting that this is easy, you probably need the help of a good therapist to lok at these issues and resolve them to reach the peace on the other side. Good luck
2006-12-04 22:05:40 · answer #3 · answered by artistry 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your dad, and the way that your relatives behaved that day. About forgiveness, I too had some big resentments with some family members there are a couple of ways to deal with it (that I know of that worked). If you believe in prayer you should praying for them (even when you don't mean it)eventually you will mean it. The other thing is that you need to think about if you've done things that you'd like to be forgiven for? Surely you have....well, if you have and you can admit that then you also have to admit that in order for you to be forgiven for you mistakes you too have to forgive others for their mistakes. I hope you understand what I'm saying and one of these works for you...life is too short for resentments. You will be so much happier to be rid of the anger. Your father too wouldn't want to see you so unhappy over this. Think about that too, would he want you to hold this against them at the price of your happiness? Good luck!
2006-12-04 23:33:49 · answer #4 · answered by Theresa P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO I do not think that you are a bad person although forgiving someone is the first step in the healing process. If you are not ready than you are not ready. They should of had more respect for your feelings how rude of they to ask for things expecially on that day. I would be angry too. Take your time. You will know when the time is right for you. Best wishes
2006-12-04 22:07:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're definitely not a bad person! It's okay to not be able to forgive and forget. Sometimes, when you're hurt really badly by someone, it's just impossible to get past it. Maybe one day, years down the road, the pain will fade some, but it's not something that you can force yourself to do. Don't think you're a bad person because of your emotions! I'm sure all of us have some people in our lives that we just can't bring ourselves to forgive. I know I do! Hang in there.
2006-12-05 15:57:29 · answer #6 · answered by Megan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not bad......because until now you keep on thinkin' the thing that you did to your relatives(though they really deserved it)
but as what I can feel...not forgiving them is bothering you too much until this moment.So its better to forgive them to lessen the baggage in your heart...NOT because you had forgiven them for what they did before....There is a saying that "its easy to forgive but not to forget".....so,go ahead follow your heart, if you think it's time for you to forgive them......then go ahead,but try to keep a distance w/ them,as they maybe waiting for this chance to enter in your life again and do their unfinished business.
2006-12-04 22:56:52 · answer #7 · answered by msshy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your story is so similar it is almost scary! I have lived out some of the very things that you explained and am doing alot of soul searching my self. I have come to realize that greed takes people over no matter who's love or feeling it affects. The items that they wished to claim of your fathers are things that are a reminder of him and should be left where they are. I am not saying to be obsessed with these things but to let them remain as long as it brings comfort to those who need it (You) I had a horrible time when my father passed and it was 10 years ago. I was just thinking of him the other day and became sad because there are times when I need him here because of my family's behavior. Things had order when he was around. I have a some things i will tell you that i came to realize that I hope with all my heart will help you because the road you are on is hard to be on and at times it is very overwhelming. I questioned the love that some of my family had for my dad after he was gone to disreguard his things and his memory. He whould be shocked at the true colors of those he loved and taught. So quick are people to forget the ones before us, the very ones that share our history. When my sibling came in and tried to claim what they thought was theirs I over looked alot of it. What good is anything that was Daddy's to them if they didn't have the memory to go with it. If it was for the value and they could find it so easy to get rid of then pity should be felt because holding something and it being sentimenal is so much better then pricing it. You will be the bad guy because they have to justify all their feeling that they themselves can not handle. I myself can't seem to forget the things that happened after my daddy died. I can't look at them the same and I am completly hurt because what I thought was a solid family turned out to be a bunch of money hungry strangers that I don't know. So here is some advise that I hope will help. It is your choice to refuse not to allow them to hurt you anymore then they have already. It is your choice to remember your family in a way that a good memory or two will be in your thoughts. You have to search hard sometimes. Try at least. It is also your choice to be the person that your father whould be proud of. That was his job. Pray about your feeling toward those people that disappointed and hurt you. I know how it is to grieve and feel alone doing it. You are the only person that you have to ansewer to . Above all, in this life you were blessed with one dad. You could have had anybody for that position. God gave you HIM. I don't think he made a mistake at all. For the time you had him, be thankful. I miss my daddy and at times think i am selfish in my grieve. I had him as my father and I had a great one. I got to share my childhood with a man that was something to be proud of. i would not want to do anything over. about his things. they are just things. the real stuff is in you heart and money can't buy that. Forgive and feel sorry for them because of their inability to feel the way you do in your heart. It is their loss. It still hurts and until they can see that they are wrong then it is useless to explain or express what your feeling are. My prayers are with you just like they are with me. It is a hard thing to go through and at times being alone is all you know. Do the best you can and do nothing that you have to battle with later. Hang in there. It will make you a stronger person. Sorry so long winded, but I can relate.
2006-12-05 00:21:35 · answer #8 · answered by Bobbie M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be mad at your family. Them not respecting you is horrible. I totally understand what you are going through.
I had a similar situation when one of my uncles died. One part of the family, that never was around him, came and tried to take all of the valuables from the family that cared for him until the day he died. After that, we had to have an auction to sell his estate. We had to BUY things that belonged to our family. It was hard seeing things go that have been in our family for years. I have very bad feelings towards that side of the family now. They should have never done that.
2006-12-04 22:04:50 · answer #9 · answered by Funny Guy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some folks are just insenstive and that is sad. No it doesn't make you a bad person but you are allowing it to consume you. Hating does nothing but the destroy the person who hates... and another thing. If you don't forgive your father in heaven won't forgive you
2006-12-04 22:02:36 · answer #10 · answered by dumpllin 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋