My bf and I for the last four years have been off and on, more on for the last year though. In the beginning, all the bad stuff that happened fell on my shoulders and I understand that. My attitude was horrible and I had a huge wall built around me.
Now I have changed not only for him, but for myself also, my attitude has taken a total 180 and I have let down my guard completely from being a total hard ***, mean and cold. However he tends to be selfish in his emotions. Everything has to be about him now. If he doesn't want to talk about something and deal with an issue between me and him he will completely ignore me and refuse to speak to me at all.
My questions are: is this childish behavior or do you men get like this occasionally? How do I get him to open up to me and quit being a selfish jerk? And what could possibly be his reasoning behind his behavior?
Now I am moving b/c I just got a job out of college and now I doubt if we will survive if we cant communicate. Help!
2006-12-04 21:41:39 · 8 answers · asked by mzagge06 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The only reason why he's acting like that is because he loves you and he obviously doesn't want you to leave. His actions may be immature but I can guarantee that he's doing it because he's having a hard time imagining what its going to be like when you leave for your new job. I believe that if its really meant to be, some way some how, you guys will find yourselves together down the line. Love sucks at times, but thats how life is. Nothing is perfect. I hope this advice helped.
2006-12-06 07:28:27 · answer #1 · answered by EARNEYW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you think you could do for the answers are within you. Communication is the key to a successful relationship especially when talking about feelings etc. if you cannot discuss the important stuff in a mature manner then there is no hope for you both together. No one will be able to tell you why he is behaving this way and men are not all the same. but our feelings create our thoughts and cause certain behaviours that often do not truely reflect our real feelings. I think just move ahead to your new job and if the communication fails and you break up then in time once the hurt and pain disappears you will find someone whom you will be able to talk more openly with. you need changes in your lives in order to grow within and become a better version of yourself. In life at the end of the day we need to find someone we can communicte with in an honest loving way for when you are older its the talking (communication) that matters the most. You will find that out in time as you age. I wish you well in your future with or with out him.
2006-12-04 22:02:30 · answer #2 · answered by clarissa l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to explain to him how you feel. even if he doesn't communicate in the conversation, trust me he's listening. Do it face to face that way he can't hang up the phone. Let him know that it hurts you when he does this. If he truly loves you then he will be willing to change. Explain the situation of you leaving and the fear that you may not be able to stay together if he doesn't open up his line of communication with you. After all, how can you continue in a long distance relationship if he can't open up and be honest. If he decides to continue his shelfish way then sadly to say, you must cut off ties with this guy. With you moving and everything you're gonna have enough to deal with without the added stress and tension he brings to your life. It's time to start living life, and if that means without him then that's his loss.
2006-12-04 22:01:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, kudos on taking life into your own hands and making changes for the better.
Yes, that is childish behavior. Or at least, it's not masculine adult behavior. When we were kids we were allowed to hide behind mommy and daddy when we didn't want to deal with things. Some of us learn that life doesn't give a rat's *** if you WANT to deal with things or not, if there's something to deal with, you just deal with it. Life doesn't wait on when you're ready. Others, however, never learned to grow up in that respect. They are still looking for ways to hide or avoid things. They make jokes constantly, or they get pissed off so others are afraid to deal with them, or they shut down. This is not the behavior of a grown, matured adult. It's the behavior of someone who is still looking for mommy and daddy to come and protect them.
Granted, certain people do get like this occasionally. But that doesn't excuse it. Ignoring someone completely is, besides being rude, self-centered and discourteous, is childish and it blocks growth.
There are two ways I can think of to deal with this issue.
One, ultimatum. Tell him he's either going to open up to you or you're leaving. My girlfriend basically did that with me, and it worked.
If that's too risky, or if you don't want to be that harsh, then calm, patient persistence might work. Be sure your questions are open ended, this gets him to develop his responses more. Look him in the eye, don't let him off the hook, but do it in a passive, friendly way. Being aggressive just gives him more reason to shut down. Patience comes in not filling the space for him. Allow for silences. Don't let him off the hook. If the silence grows too long, allow yourself to repeat your question, and wait again. However, give yourself a time limit. After that, make an excuse to leave the conversation, but DON'T LET HIM OFF THE HOOK. Tell him, don't ask him, that you're going to talk about this again at some point.
In all honesty, that's a lot of work for me, and I wouldn't bother, I'd just go with the ultimatum. But if you think he's worth it, that might be worth a shot.
2006-12-04 22:04:38 · answer #4 · answered by JudasHero 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
time to pull the plug on this guy. He may be just still butt-hurt from the early part of the relationship when you were cold and hasn't been able to actually forgive and forget or he could just be acting like an idiot. Either way the sound of this relationship isn't going to live as a long distance relationship.
2006-12-04 21:45:58 · answer #5 · answered by massure4hire 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
his Attitude is obvious to U, Coz when he loved u and gave u respect u ignored him and treat him like an animal , but now the time changed .. u change ur self .. but now he is on the height .. Hmm intersting aan .. :) hey listen ... just Love him .. as much as u can.. Once he ignred U.. kiss him, He left U hug him on the next meeting, gave him respect listen to him ... gain his trust so he love to share all his things to U :) the only medicine for WAR and HATE is LOVe .. always remember this . so give ur 100% love to him.. and he will be completey yours .. :)i knew its a difficult task but u have to do this to call him back towards U :) Good luck
2006-12-04 21:49:47 · answer #6 · answered by Mr XXX 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way a relationship will work is if both people are selfless. From what it sounds like, you both have a bit of selfishness in you. Neither of you are redy for a relationship. If I was either of you, I would do my best to stay out of relationships. If you ever feel like a relationship is one-sided, it probably is. Good luck to you.
2006-12-04 21:51:06 · answer #7 · answered by cygnusx1 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do what you didn't do last year: Be patient and understanding...exactly what he was forced to do to stay with you! Now it's your turn.
2006-12-04 21:48:27 · answer #8 · answered by wetdreamdiver 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋