I was in a relationship was serious but both knew was going to end due to circumstances but pledged friendship. The last few times together I sensed I was being told stories about a week coming up what was going on. I questioned and said I knew it was a story orstories and why did he not just tell me. He became agressive and defensive and said there was no one else in his life. I now know he spend that week with anohter woman visiting from America. (as a friend ??) He still will say nothing of it and the whole relationship is different between us no closeness not the man I knew. Thing is he is now telling any new possible partners he has been very badly hurt recently.......I am bits at the loss of a man I thought I knew and loved and he it sems feels like because I said I felt he was lying is going around saying I hurt him. He will not communicate properly in spite of my best efforts to talk as two adults...says I go on. How can he take the moral tone with me?
2006-12-04 21:05:04 · 11 answers · asked by evergreen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Clearly, the man you thought you knew is not what / who you thought you knew ...though, a little understanding of human psychology would help you.
For whatever reason/s, he is being defencive, protecting his vulnerabilities ~ which like a card player, he's holding close to his chest so that no one else can see his cards.
And, if he chooses this stance, then (as a stupid or as hurtful as it might seem) that's his choice.
Unfortunately, he can take any moral tone he wants to take ~ with all the silliness that might entail (in the eyes of another), and so can you.
If he is spreading words saying that 'he has been hurt,' then again, he's like the card player, putting out mis-information in order to hide / bluff others as to what he holds in his hand. Which is of course, bloody tiring and probably deeply frustrating for you.
Just 'make your statements' as to how you feel - and avoid accusations (thus avoiding him becoming defencive) or aggression, and leave him knowing what you feel about him as a human being.
Best of luck.
Sash.
2006-12-04 22:40:45 · answer #1 · answered by sashtou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think its a case of who is the injured party. The relationship no matter for what reason has broken down, and if he does not wish for the relationship to continue and you are just friends, then you really should except this and move on with your life.
So if you want to still see him as a friend then cross questioning him on who he has seen and who he hasn't is not really going to make him want to continue this friendship.
Take a good look at your situation and give it a great deal of thought. If you realise you won't more from this relationship than he does and you don't feel you can just be friends, then end it now before you get more hurt. Shiela.
2006-12-04 21:26:35 · answer #2 · answered by she shaw sea shore 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure the woman he said that he was hurt by, was you?
It could be the woman from the USA.
I think he could just be a Walter Mitty and the only thing you can do is walk away and keep your dignity!
To other people this is a five second wonder and they won't even rember what he has said about you tomorrow.
Build a life without him and should he want to rebuild the freindship, be wary.
2006-12-04 22:15:18 · answer #3 · answered by kiku 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe his pride and fear are making him act this way, and honestly, we cannot force anyone to tell the truth or to change if they just don't want to. Its a complicated thing cause you have the right to know the truth but he has the choice wether to tell you or not. Its either you go to counselling, or take a little break. Think it over if you can live with someone who treats you this way. Give him one last chance to tell the truth and make ammends, if he does not take this chance...the relationship should probably end.
2006-12-04 21:23:55 · answer #4 · answered by stormsandblues 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a wimp
He didnt have the guts to tell you the truth.
I know your hurting right now but hun i personally think it was a good thing that you found out his true colours.
Dont try and talk to him is my advice, you dont need idiots like that in your life, if you did get him to talk could you really believe anything he said ?
Just put this one down to experience and find yourself someone who's honest and true.
Good luck
2006-12-04 21:12:51 · answer #5 · answered by sonia h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two have trust and communication issues. If you feel he is not open with you how can you really know him? In order to have a relationship the two of you need to communicate. You both need to share how you feel and in a non attacking way.
If you feel he is cheating on you, you need to check yourself as to why you feel that way. He may feel you do not trust him is an attack on his character. Especially if he is someone of integrity. If you know the facts that he did see someone else, he is not worth the relationship. I would then drop him. It will not matter what he thinks or what he says. Just do not care.
If he refuses to communicate, move on!
2006-12-04 21:23:27 · answer #6 · answered by frank 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is acting like a wounded animal it is because he is shocked that you didnt trust him and because trust is everything. You ruined it.... and then you have been hounding him for information.... If he has done nothing wrong then he has every right to take the moral high ground on the basis that you dont trust him..... You have shattered his world....
He is right and you are wrong....
2006-12-04 22:17:35 · answer #7 · answered by Fox Hunter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think about it Mary what have you lost? its hard if you thought your love was deep but it wasn't was it so the usual thing to say get on with your life and out there is the right guy just waiting for you Good Luck
2006-12-04 21:12:00 · answer #8 · answered by srracvuee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's hardly likely to stick his hand up and admit to being a cad... Forget him and move on - you deserve better!
2006-12-04 21:10:59 · answer #9 · answered by bovie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he wasn't ready to make commitment with you.
better off if you let him go.
2006-12-04 21:09:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋