My friend had been dating this guy for 3 months. Over winter break (we're 20 and in college) she had planned to visit him about 400 miles away (she lives near school; he lives 400 miles from here). She was going to stay in his parents' house for a few days/a week until she talked to her parents who told her that doing so would be "classless". Her brother agreed with them saying it would make everyone (the boyfriend, his family, her family) think less of her and she would come off as a slutty girl with no morals. Is that true?? We thought it was fine! Are we way off base?! Please explain your reasoning in as much detail as possible. Also, his family invited her.
2006-12-04 18:33:54 · 10 answers · asked by G. 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Live in the SF bay area... one of the more liberal areas of the United States. We go to UC Berkeley. And it's 2006.
2006-12-04 18:48:10 · update #1
Her parents know they'd be sleeping in sep rooms.
2006-12-04 18:49:22 · update #2
The only people whose opinion matters in this situation are the boyfriend and his family. Did they all ask her to come stay? Why she would even consider doing this without the family's blessing is beyond me. She needs to find out how all of them feel about it and take it from there. Her family's opinion isn't worth a damn in this situation. If this is causing any problems at all, why not just cover her bases and get a hotel close by? She'll get more alone time with him that way anyways. If it were my son, I would welcome his girlfriend into my home for as long as she needed. I wouldn't feel right having it any other way. Maybe her family is too uptight or something.
2006-12-04 18:39:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In what society and what time period do you live in?!?!?
If you live in a "developed" country, this should be no problem at all. I can see how it might taint a girl's repuatation in many societies around the world, but if you live in USA/Europe, etc it really should not be an issue.
They're in their 20s... probably sleeping together anyway.
The family invited her, so it's not like they're going to think less of her for accepting.
If she really wants to go, tell her to offer her family a compromise: she'll go to visit, as long as she promises to sleep in a different room than her boyfriend (perhaps his sister's room, or a guest room, or the living room couch will do). Have her parents call the bf's parents on the phone, and express their concerns about them sleeping in the same room, and they should understand and respect that.
2006-12-04 18:40:29 · answer #2 · answered by catwomanmeeeeow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see both sides of the story. On the one hand, they are respecting their parents' wishes by agreeing to sleep in separate rooms. However, an outside observer might say that staying in the same house looks like they are sleeping together, even if they aren't. With his family around, it's unlikely that any hanky-panky would go on, but it would appear bad to some people.
2006-12-04 19:07:44 · answer #3 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His family invited her. If her boyfriend, she, and I assume his family since they invited her have no problem, I don't see any reason why she shouldn't. At 20 they are both adults, and by agreeing to separate rooms I think they are showing an extra level of respect to his family.
This makes me wonder if her family is miffed because they are going to spend holidays there instead of with them. Is this disapproval thier way of "punishing" her or a way to change her plans so she will come home instead?
If she just has a controlling family, this may be her time to assert herself as an adult.
2006-12-04 19:02:08 · answer #4 · answered by J 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes liberality doesn't mean freedom for no dignity. Girlfriend, when you live with your boyfriend's parents, they will be assessing you all the way because every parent (no matter how liberal) want the best for their child. The fact that they invited you doesn't mean you have to jump at it. My opinion is - you already are a young woman of class/ dignity for thinking about this. Don't go for it.
2006-12-04 19:25:10 · answer #5 · answered by peter phantom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they invited you and you will be sleeping in different rooms. I don't see a problem. Just make sure that you do stay respectful while in their home. Wait until you go back to school to have "fun".
2006-12-05 02:38:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fine,
I am a Mom and had to deal with the exact situation. I am a Berkeley girl.
Is this one of our Califronia Values? LOL
2006-12-04 19:28:59 · answer #7 · answered by Bobyns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see nothing wrong with that. She may become family someday, and if she has respect for the guy and family she wouldnt try sneaking up to his room or he in hers. the family must have trust in her, and its their home. Her parents have a trust issue!!!!!
2006-12-04 19:34:08 · answer #8 · answered by jlchristy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's only classless if she shares the same room with him.
2006-12-05 02:37:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jackass.
2006-12-04 18:41:13 · answer #10 · answered by Tyrone 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋