what the heck is wrong with my family ? especially my father!?

Question

I dunno whats wrong with my father he always been a problem ,yesterday some guest was in our house and my dad asked me to do something in a very mean way its like he was challenging me to say no so I was lil pissed off and I kinda said few words to him in front of the guest. Later, he came to me and said “ what the hell is wrong with you, you got no respect for anybody not even ur own father,I gave you everything car.cell phone.college etc, and u don’t even give me any respect I don’t want money from you I don’t want anything but atleast show some respect and he was yelling” I said “ not because you gave me few things doesn’t mean im ur slave you could have asked me nicely im 20 for gods sake u should respect me as man I aint a kid” he got really really pissed off and started saying alots of things its like he wanted to say it for long time and now he got the chance , so he said” you don’t come stay with us as family u don’t come sit with us when your uncles here you think ur uncles

you think ur uncles are losers you think your dad isn’t good enough, you don’t respect your mom, the college isn’t good enough for you , the weather isn’t good for you , the whole country isn’t good for you , who do u think you are ?!! son, YOU ARE NOTHING!!! You aint a lawyer you aint a prince you aint a writer , you aint even good at college, you have attitude problem, when u go to the real world people will never like you , you will go nowhere with that attitude, why would someone likes you , you don’t have money , u don’t look good(ur ugly),you don’t dress good, you don’t even smell good and you don’t have a good personality,you aint a people person, you need to grow up, all what on your mind is dating/ and having fun in life , this isn’t life that’s only part of it,look at your cousins how smart they are ,how flexable they are, you are nothing son don’t fool ur self”
I got really mad when I heard that but I didn’t say a word because no matter I say

he wont understand and he wont even believe me so I didn’t bother..but he kept going its like hes talking to himself he said” I don’t know why my only son is like that, is god punching me ? im not that kind of a father who comes drunk at nights I raised u well howcome u turned out like that” 15 mins later he came to me and said he was sorry and if he didn’t love he wouldn’t have said all those things blah blah blah.. I never ever hated someone in my whole life but I did yesterday. See my father has some problems but he aint willing to slove them hes expecting me to accept them!
Now in my defence I say that guy doesn’t know me at all first of all about he gave me everything he was the one who told me to NOT go study in Canada cause according to him im too young for that and I WAS 18 now im 20 I told him I want to get a job part-time because I don’t like taking money from him I even go 3 or 4 days with not even a single meal just cause I don’t want to take anything from him

And I am not A spoiled kid , trust me I have dreams I got ambitions I got goals I got a lots of planes in my life as I said I never count on my father on anything..
And I am a people person back in high school I was the most popular boy in school
See my father don’t understand that even if I tell him he wouldn’t listen and he wouldn’t believe me. I am just waiting for my college to send me to Canada or America maybe in 2008or9
And I am dying to leave this city !! I would even go if they send me to iraq lol
I told my mom listen when I go out for 3years don’t expect any calls from me any e-mails from me and ill marry the girl who I want not the one u pick , and be like “ aww my only son is being mean to me” because you know why .. !!and they think they are great parents , my parents are one of those couples who if you see them outside you will be like "wow what nice people"

Is it only my family or every family is the same ?!? and how to deal with mine ? what would u do if u were me ?! how would u deal with my uncles ?
I cant go sit down and talk to them that wont work ,, and please support ur answers with ur ages I don’t want advises from kids!!

Is it only my family or every family is the same ?!? and how to deal with mine ? what would u do if u were me ?! how would u deal with my uncles ?
I cant go sit down and talk to them that wont work ,, and please support ur answers with ur ages I don’t want advises from kids!!

why you people answering when im not done with the Q ,lmfao!!! wait till im done then judge , gosh!

Answer 1

thats a horrible way to try to motivate someone and a good way to get someone to hate you. I think hes the one no one likes, if he has the audacity to put you down and say those things that means hes got problems of his own so i wouldnt take those statments to heart.

But maybe he is partially correct in what he is saying, he may be trying to help you in a very in effective way.
But hes too dumb to do it the right way. Forgive him for being so dumb, its hilarious really that some so much older then you cant apply himself enough to communicate his feelings in a way that doesnt shatter his relationship with you.

Answer 2

I think you totally embarrassed your father in front of his guest. Which was not a good move. Even if your father wasn't exactly being nice, parents are that way. Your father is also probably doing what a lot of other parents do, is compare their life with their children's lives. Well, we all know there's a huge difference. They didn't even have cell phones or anything than, and money was scarce. So, now he looks at you, no job, and still at home, and his money still taking care of you! Think about it for a minute, put yourself in his shoes for a moment, it would sort of piss you off too. I am not saying it's all your fault, I just saying, he wishes he had it so good!! Dang, I sure wish I did!! But, life goes on, and you need to start helping yourself become independent. Be thankful you have such loving parents who have helped you. Seriously, are you aware of all the kids kicked out on their butt over nothing? PLENTY!! I'd also say your uncles have made some not so nice remarks about you to your father-so give him a break!!!! Being a parent is a non stop job, and it NEVER ends!!!! To get respect, you need to first show respect!! I wish you good luck, and I do think you'll find your way, you just need a little push, but that's OK too!!

Answer 3

Sorry but it sounds like you are a spoiled child. You throw a hissy fit because you didn't like the way your dad asked you to do something infront of a guest? You need to grow up.

Yep all fathers who provide for you in putting a roof over your head, putting clothes on your back, making sure there is food for you, etc will want to be respected.

When you go away to college and stop talking to your parents, do you still expect them to pay for your college?

Answer 4

If you are still living in your Dads house he may be angry and humiliated that you aren't out on your own by now. Two men trying to run the same house never works. If you are living in his house, you do have to follow his rules. And the sooner you can move on to your own place the better. If you don't live there, try staying away for awhile and then try to talk it out slowly in time. There are evidently some built up problems

Answer 5

Just try to disassociate yourself from it. He probably has been mad about some other things in life (work/ romance/ finances) for a long time and boiled over. He didn't mean it. Of course, your dad may have one point: you may want to try wearing a white t-shirt, dress shirt, casual pants, belt, and nice shoes once in a while. But, that's only if he buys it for you.

Answer 6

You gotta lighten up a little. Maybe if you move out of the house you won't have to listen to your Dad anymore. You can be your own man and support yourself. Then you won't have to worry about being asked "nicely" to do things.

Answer 7

I think your father has an anger problem. Does it make him feel important to speak to you in a demanding way when a guest is there? you cannot control how he acts but you can control how you respond to him. Don't buy into his anger act, just stay calm. Maybe this will show him how he should be acting.

Answer 8

Well, I am 59, and have kids twice your age. Is that old enough for you?
I personally, don't like your dad either from what I hear you saying on how he talks to you. He puts you down without letup. He really has no right to talk to you in a such a childlishly way. He sounds like a bully to me. My ex-husband, my kids father, sounds like yours. However,
You too have an attitude problem. You don't respect your father, and he knows it. You can only get respect from parents when you give it to them. That is backwards, and I know that, but the way your father is, he comes from the "old school." Kids respected their parents, no matter what their parents did or didn't do. I don't necassarily agree with this, and I certainly understand where you are coming from. But, please, don't make your Mom hurt because of the fight between you and your Dad. This is KILLING her! I KNOW! If you are the only son of your fathers, you are her only son as well. Its funny with us mothers, sons are pretty important to us. My oldest son didn't talk to me for 30 yrs., because of his father, and because of stupid things I done after I left his dad. He is talking to me now, and he is now a parent himself, and knows how it feels to have your kids disown you. I never quit thinking about my son, even though I had another son, and two daughters. But don't cut your Mom short because of a bad father.
If it is so bad at home with your father, get a job and move out! If you are 20, you should be out on your own any way! When you are out on your own, then you can make your own rules, and you won't have to listen to him putting you down all the time.
My heart does go out to you however, as your father isn't right either, and sometimes the kids have to be more adult then the parents are. What you have in your favor, is your age! AT least you can move out, start over, and do what you need to do for yourself! Hopefully one of these days, you two will at least be able to agree to disagree. But in the mean time, stay in touch with your Mom, it isn't her fault he is the way he is. She really has no control over how he acts towards you! He is probably a bully to her too. Does he drink or do drugs? He sounds like an alcoholic to me. If that is the case, you can tell him to go get help even if he doesn't, then you've said your two-cents. But also if he is, you go to Alan-non and learn how to live with him if you are going to stay living with them. Otherwise, you are loosing your sanity while he is loosing his. Then your Mom is caught in between the two of you. If you can't learn to live at home, peaceably, then move out! No one has to take verbal abuse! NO ONE! NOT EVEN YOU!

Answer 9

take you father to a doctor, just kidding. ask your mother see if your father is having serious stress, what he acted could be caused by his own problem, find out that and help him. if not, if your father really mean what he said about you then i think you should think about it and be subjective...are you always dating, have you shown repsect to your parents etc. sometimes what you think could be very much different with what your father thinks because of different values. if your father keeps on saying those things you got to learn to ignore them and avoid being affected by them. but afterall, i think he loves you that's why he say things to you like that.

Answer 10

It would appear that you think you think you're his equal in his home.
You're not. Show the man the respect he deserves, and act like a man that is a son. Age doesn't make you a man, behavior does.