Someone HeLP... is this a nervous breakdown???

Question

I'm so stressed out that I can't sleep right, I'm having nightmares everynight, waking up sweating.I cry cause I can't deal with the frustration,all the time.I'm young and the career I want is unrealistic to some,and they always tell me that I'm living in a fantasy world and to get a real job.Although I am SO passionate abotu my work,it doesn't make alot of money though,but I can't see myself doing anything else.My friends are rarely there,they all have a life with bfs/gfs.I have no bf,Ive had 2 dates in the last 2 yrs, but they all decide that they dont have the time to give me what i deserve?I know Im not ugly,its not a look factor.and suposably its not a personality factor either.But I feel like Im losing my mind,i have no one to talk to about anything because i dont want them to worry about me,they all have enough to worry about.I dont open up to anyone and i dont know how to.But all this frustration is killing me...what do i do to help myself ?without bothering others

I'm not depressed either, I've had depression and it's nothing like that

My job is a artist, I've been doing it for about 3 yrs professionally.And I love this job more then anything in the world, its something I know I can do successfully, but it takes time. Another job isn't possible, I tried that and I lost so much work with my art.I can't focus on two things, if i focus on a dead end job, my art loses, if i focus on my art the stable money goes away.
I don't confide in others because I have trust issues, everyone I have spoken to in the past has run away.(i don't pick good friends) and the friends that love me now, I don't want them to run away.

Answer 1

I'm not a "Trained counsellor" but I have some counselling training and some experience.

You are stressed (Can't sleep, nightmares, crying, frustration). so the first thing you need to do is ask yourself do you want things to continue this way. The reason we ask that question is that people usually only change when they are motivated to do so.

So do you want the situation to change, no matter what it takes?

Yes or no.

If yes- continue on...
If no, I hope you look good in white, but it's not a wedding dress you'll be wearing... ok?

Let's assume it's a yes...

What are the factors that are causing you to be stressed?

Judging solely by a short question on yahoo answers it may be the following...

1.Lack of support. Why would I put this first? Because we can do alot with the support of loved ones. People can survive emotionally in wars, refuge crises, natural disasters, extreme poverty if they have unconditional love and acceptance and relationships that lend themselves to mutual support. You say that you have no "significant other" ( which is good right now- don't get into or look for one until you are de-stressed!). You say that people do not support your career decisions (fantasy world...etc...). Your friends are rarely around for you; you don't want them to worry about you.
You have 2 choices....

bother others
or
pay someone to listen to you.

That's really what most counsellors are is paid listeners. Most people who shell out the big bucks to a counsellor are their because they have no one else to "bother". It's like a paid friend with good advice. Good counsellors can help you get on the right track in 3-6 visits but then it's up to the person to maintain real relationships so that they do not need to pay for a friend.

2. Your career goals may be too lofty and that is what is bothering you. You MAY have a passion for something that is beyond your ability, your friends and family know it and you are the last one to realize it. Your job may be driving you crazy, even if you love it. It's hard to say if this is the case because we can do an awful lot if we have the support issue cared for.

Life needs to change for you very soon or else you may be in such a state emotionally that you may alienate friends and family and further lose support, and your stress may cause you to hurt your performance at work- thus jeopardizing your career.

Couple more questions...

If you had to choose between one of the two- friends/family and career- which would you choose?
Which is more valuable to you? Now which one is consuming you more?

If you had to chose between what you have now and a saner reality which would you choose?
What if it meant bothering your friends and opening up, being vulnerable?
What if it meant giving up "the dream career" for now?

Everything is a question of values... everything! What do you value?

By looking at a brief question I can see 3 things you value highly.
1. Your sanity- otherwise you wouldn't be here asking this question
2. Your career- it's obviously a riff between you and loved ones, but you have chosen it.
3. Your privacy- that's why you prefer to be open and honest in anonymity.
4. Power. You enjoy what you do in your career, whatever it is, likely because you feel powerful doing it. You don't want others telling you what to do, and you will not sacrifice your reputation or your personal power to your friends by showing them you are in need and vulnerable.

Now you need to rank those things any the others I missed because I don;t know you, and decide if you can have all of them at once, and if not- which you are willing to give up.

Notice I didn't say that friendship was a value of yours? Personally, I think that is where this begins and ends... you have allowed yourself to drift alone without help and al alone in a sinking raft in the middle of the ocean, there is noone to call for help to.

First things first, get a counsellor to help you to shore- then do what it takes to build those levels of support around you- primarily by being support for others and by being progressively more vulnerable. We need 1 person in our life like this. Do what it takes to find her and cultivate that relationship.

I'll pray that all goes well for you, God bless!

pastrbuzz

Answer 2

Even though you are young, you can have menopausal symptome, which sound like what you are suffering from. So check it out with a woman physician if possible. But you can do other things for yourself, not easy maybe, but you need to make a decision that you are a valuable person and need to become more selfish for yourself with acquaintances. Right now it sounds like they think you are too needy. If you talk more positively, sound happy with your work, and not talk about its down side you might meet more considerate people. Forget about wanting bfs, etc. It will come at the right time. You could use chat lines, possibly, but be choosy about their subject styles. Keep your standards in place, value yourself, and have faith in God and he will give you strength each day to make changes in your lifestyle. Go where good people are. Churches have social times, classes that are beneficial. If you don't find it the first time you try to get out of your shell, try another til you get something really good from your efforts. Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened up for you.

Answer 3

It seems that by posting this request here, you seem to incite a contradiction in your own reasoning.
For any human capable of empathy will naturally worry about you after reading what you have written....

However, I think most people wont mind if you open up to them, that is you should do so at least sometimes, lest you fall back into an infinite cycle of worrying about others worrying about your worrying... etc...
If you are still unsure, consider a person who is in a similar situation to yourself, then consider what you would do if that person opened up to you, would it be such a bad thing?

And I should say that I (and I see some other posters) am also in a similar situation currently. So you arent alone.

Considering your career I think you should pursue your dream, regardless of the costs, if that is indeed what you want out of life.

Answer 4

you are not a bother to me and if you want to talk I am here. I am a nurse and a loving mother and I use to be a cop/gunsmith! I know if your passion is so strong ... you will make it! Ask God to help guide your ways and call upon the archangels to fight the demons who have entered your life! You are have what one refers to as night terrors and they are real! You need to meditate clearing your mind of all things listening to your favorite music! You need to focus! You are a special person and you are here for a reason.... god has a plan for everyone! Go to church and involve yourself in church functions ... there god will send someone your way to befriend you and help you find your sanity
All you have to do is love yourself and love others the rest comes!Please don't give up on your dream! Remember... to hope gives you faith and faith leads you to love and love comes from deep within! It is magical and it is real! E-mail me if you need to talk!

Answer 5

Ok so it looks like you do have a job. In that case, stick to it. These things take time you know. The money will come after you get some recognition for your work. Ditto the love thing.

Hang in there! :)

Patience is a virtue you could use right now. :)

Answer 6

Honey, the frustration is building up in you, because YOU AREN"T talking to anyone. Usually when we go to the extreme you are in not talking to others about your problems, it's either pride, shame, or not liking ourselves, or think we don't deserve to have help and happiness.
The frustration is what leads to depression, because it is never resolved inside of you. It just builds, builds, and builds. That is why you feel like you are loosing your mind, you are trying to GO IT ALONE! No man is an island. We ALL need others to help us through the tough spots.
If this problem with the b/f thing is an on-going problem, get a life and grow up! Boyfriends are not the answer to a happy life!
You say you have no one to talk to, it sounds like you don't allow yourself to have any one. If you won't talk to anyone because you don't want to bother them, or for them to worry, you aren't giving anyone a chance to listen to you. You are pre-judging them and ASSUMING they don't want to be bothered! You know what ASSUMING does to you and me!!!! It sounds like you are cutting your friends, the people that really care about you, SHORT! TRY TALKING TO THEM, instead of saying you have no one to talk to. How do you know you don't ? if you don't try?! By the way, what kind of work do you do? Is it with the care of others, is someone's life in your hands, in fact is it a life or death situation? If not, then I'd say you are too passionate about your work! Work is just WORK! It's an end to a means, rent, gas, food, e.t.c. I work too, and do take care of others in a hospital, and I too love my job, and get paid very little, but it's just a job. I have a life outside of work. If I don't, I can't take care of those that I get paid to take care of. We have to take care of ourselves first before we can do a good job with others.
If you are having the problems you say you are having with sleep, then get professional help. There are things that can do to help, like talk therapy. They can give you things to do with your own mind that will help you let go of the things that is causing you so much frustation. Life is too short to be so full of frustration that it is causing you nightmares, and the sweats. Is there any thing physically wrong? Diabetics have night sweats, and those of us that have gone through menopause, I had night sweats. So there is many different avenues that you need to go to find the answer to your problem. We can give you advice, but the bottom line, only you can find the answer.
About the work thing, I have known of people that has used their work as an excuse to run away from them selves with. As long as they were very involved with their work, they didn't have to worry about what was going on in themselves, emotionally. (I was one of those for a while)

Answer 7

me being serious. you need someone to talk to. keeping things in aren't good for you. true friends will listen and try to help. if you want to chat online in a chatroom...that's the same. i'll lend a ear if you want. try writing your career goals down, and plan how you are going to obtain them. you will not get your dream job overnight...but consider taking something related to what you like. once you plan your career goals and feel happy then worry about dating. you can't be happy dating or share yourself with someone if you don't love yourself. best of luck.!!

Answer 8

It sounds like you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown! SEEK COUNSELING ASAP!!! You will get the help that you so desperately need, without impinging on your friends, and therefore be a better friend to them, which will hopefully cause them to be better friends to you...

It's an anti-vicious cycle!

Answer 9

Hon, first off, calm down. And take a deep breath..........Now exhale.Doesnt that feel better already! Love you will find as you do get older, you need to go with what is in your gut. Understand your freinds are just concerned for you, thats all. Maybe they couldnt handle doing what your doing. And that's fine. We each do our own thing, whatever it is that makes us happy. Capise?Just do yourself a favor, though,and dont forget to take time out with your freinds,ok.Hope this helps. Maybe you do need to take out time for yourself"me time". No career things allowed!just make some "you time" for yourself!

Answer 10

I don't think it is a nervous breakdown but you have issues you need to work out nonetheless. You could also have a medical cause for your stress (like thyroid issues) so maybe you should start by seeing your doctor.