Am I a selfish superficial brat?

Question

I'm 14 and just want to go hang out with my friends once and awhile. I have always been a 4.0 student, I have never gotten detention or anything like that, I spend every night with my family. All I want to do is go to a sleepover for once in my life or be allowed to talk to my friends on the phone for 5 minutes without my parents listening on the other end. My parents constantly make me feel superficial if I wear lip gloss while there are other girls who look like clowns with all that makeup. I think my parents are way too overprotective and they don't know how good they've got it. Am I wrong? Should I push for more freedom or will it ruin my relationship with my parents forever? Why do they do what they do?

Answer 1

r u an asian? well then talking to them wont help, i was in ur situ till i got married and that was at 30, so till then ALLLLLL wat u saying being happening to me too, there nothing u can do to change them but u CAN change ur self, do things in the sly. many will they say thats bad advice but they havent being where we are in! when i was in law college i did all wat i can do with my friends and all the time they thought it was college stuff! just dont do anything stupid though, PLEASE. but at 14 wat can u do? when u are not in their view wear ur make up. get a freind to carry a stash for u! BUT PLEASE PLEASE KNOW UR LIMIT. i havent spent a night over at any place either. to get freedom i joined lots of school activity like guiding, and sport and social groups. they legitimate and they cant say no.... if u wanna talk jus email me. at 30 years, a professional lawyer AND architect i stil have to deal with it, but now i know how

Answer 2

I don't think you're a selfish, superficial brat. You sound like you have a level head on your shoulders and I don't think you are asking too much from your parents. I think the issue here is the privacy issue with the phone, and of course, the freedom issue. What I'm not seeing here though is whether or not you've tried to communitate with your parents about the problem. You've probably noticed by now that parents and teenagers don't seem to talk much, simply because parents don't understand the kids and the kids definitely don't understand the parents. I'd suggest you ask your mum and dad if you can sit down and talk with them face to face and have a discussion regarding the things you would like to do, and find out if there can be some restructuring of the rules (whatever they may be). You can explain to them that you only want a little bit of freedom and privacy, and make sure you make the point that you can be trusted to follow those rules. If they set a curfew, follow it. If you are going to be a bit late, tell them you will call them - and make sure you do. If you have a problem, talk to them, if you need your phone calls to be personal then try to explain that to your parents. They do love you, you know, I think they just don't know how to approach the teenager thing, and it's always good to have your mother on your side. Dads tend to be a little more hyper than moms, because their biggest fear is their little girl is growing up, and he know exactly how it works with the boy issues (he used to be a boy, so he knows) Perhaps when you go out on that sleep over if they allow you once a month, you can promise them that it IS a sleepover and there are no boys coming over. It's a girls thing. Talk to them logically and intelligently and hopefully they'll bend a little. Make sure you make them understand that you will never do anything that will embarrass them or yourself. And remember if you don't get everything the way you want it, don't argue or fight back. Even if they bend a little it shows that they are willing to try. If they are even willing to do that, then you have won a victory for yourself, and things can only get better. The communication is the most important thing, and you'll find that when you communicate with your parents, you'll find that they are not only parents, but they can be your best friends too.
Good Luck

Answer 3

They are doing what they are doing cos they love ya but sometimes us chicks just need a bit of rooom to run! I would express your concerns with them and explain that other girls at school wear way more make up than you do and that you would like to invite a friend over for tea and a sleep over on the weekend or ask if you could go over there! I am in Australia and we do things so different! Can i tell you without getting upset, that it sounds like they baby you too much. My sister is 14 and she has a mobile phone, a boyfriend who sleeps in the same bed as her and has been having sleep overs since she was about 5! I can see why your parents are the way they are cos my parents were like that with me! I wasnt allowed to do anything but now my sister is! I was the guinee pig and you may be too! Dont let yourself get too out of hand like my sister - she really is feral!! :-) But i do think you need some sleep overs and abit of chatting on the phone! Gee, I was allowed to talk on the phone and gee, did i stay there for hours! So when your parents do let ya finally do these things dont abuse there trust and make your phone calls short - like maybe 15 minutes! Good Luck and let us know how ya go!

Answer 4

It doesn't sound like you are brat at all. Your parents love you, and believe me, not everyone who has parents who love them. I wouldn't push for more freedoms, but perhaps you could gently nudge them into trusting you more. If you remain trustworthy then they will trust you. Don't fight, it just becomes a big power struggle that you can't win, but rather, negotiate with them, make is non threatening as possible, they will appreciate that and you will be able to find some common ground. And don't worry about ruining your relationship with your parents "forever", its sounds like they will love you no matter what, but you also have it pretty good =) and there is room for it to get even better =)

Answer 5

Because you are 14, perhaps they feel they know what is best for you. My gosh they are not hurting you they are just concerned that you will become a victim too early to all of the millions of traps out there for young people to fall into. There will be plenty of time to experience life when you are older and better prepared to protect yourself. Meanwhile, cherish the ideals they have established in your life. You will be a much better person for it. You seem to be on the right track as it is. Your grades ARE appreciated. Perhaps a sleep over at your home with your parents nearby would be a good first step. You actually have freedom under your parents protection, believe me there are many more persons out there just waiting to control you and steal your innocence at 14. Just wait. You are very sensible for your age.

Answer 6

I commend you for not being rebellious against your parents. When I was 14, I lied to them, I did everything they told me NOT to do, and I failed my classes in school. I regret disrespecting them.

All I can say is do not push for it. Try to make them SEE that you are a responsible kid. Ask them if they need any help with anything before they ask you. Then, over the weekend, say, "hey mom, since I helped you out with ... can I go by ...'s house for a lil bit?" or why don't you try to get them to agree to having your friends come over to YOUR house. Maybe if they get to know your friends, they'll feel more comfortable.

My mom always made me give her the phone number of where I was going to be, so she could call to speak with the mother, to try to get to know them, or she would have them come over first. Be patient. Parents are tricky and need a way of seeing things in the light.

By the way, you are NOT being a brat. :)

Answer 7

They simply care a lot for you. Better than the kids who are allowed to do whatever they please and end up in prison later in life. Try telling your parents how you feel and ask them if you can have a compromise. Be prepared... remind them of the things that you are doing right and tell them that they can trust you. Make up a compromise that you both can agree on: perhaps tell them that you will call them from a party etc.
good luck and congratulations on the great grades.

Answer 8

Depends who you want to go to a sleepover with... And as to the parents listening on the othre line, tell them to stop, its an invasion of privacy. You could try doing it back to them, although that would make them mad at you... That is sort of restricting for a fourteen year old however, so I would try to push for some more freedoms; you're parents will understand completely, or not at all...

Answer 9

they do what they do because they are probally all caught up in the "every kid 10 and older is a drug addict" it could also be that when they were growing up their parents could have done the same thing to them and it rubbed off or that they were neglectfull and one or the other or both dont want their kid to end up in the same situations that they were once in themselvs. know that no parent ever wants to let go. no matter how horible or untrustfull they can be. anxiety comes from fear, fear comes from pain, pain comes from having been their. if a sleepover is what you want, take your parents to meet your friends parents, if bot parties are sane, i would belive that they would come to an agreement on the issue of sleepovers

Answer 10

Trust is needed for any healthy relationship to work! Like everyone else you will get into "risky settings and situations" and your parents need to trust you in order for you to develop a self confidence and ability to function well with others. Locking you up in the house is not really a solution! I think it will be a higher risk to "ruin the relationship with your parents" if they don't learn to adapt to the fact that you are growing up. Maybe talk with them about this? Try to be specific and share what you wrote in your question?

Answer 11

Parents being parents will always have the children's welfare at heart. They are doing what most parents in the world would do. You need to work on them trusting you to allow you that little freedom. Ask them what will it take for them to have trust and confidence in you, e.g. come home at certain hours, wear certain clothes, etc.. provide them with your friends' contact details in case you're not home by XX hours.