How long is it normal to greive for your father that passed away.I feel very guilty.?

Question

My father died almost a year ago but I still cry tears over him every day.See he was very special He was super intelligent and I really loved him but he had diabetes and my mom used to fight with me and him because of sweets because I said Mom he is 88 and if he wants sweets let him have some.Well she told me if he doesnt watch his diet he will get an infected foot that wont heal up.well sometimes I would let him have stuff because I wanted him to be happy.Anyway what she said is exactly what happened.He ended up with gangrene and he died a really horrible death.I feel so guilty and I miss him so bad.At the time I felt so sorry for him because he wanted to eat sweets and I thought well this is no life but Now I feel like maybe I helped kill him.I mean maybe he would still be here if I had been real strict like mom.

Answer 1

He was 88? Great for him. He lived longer than all of my relatives. My mom was 50 when she died, my only sibling, my brother died at 45......Your dad died happy....Never feel guilty ever! He died happy.

Answer 2

I disagree with those who said you will grieve for the rest of your life. That's just not normal or necessary. It has only been 1 year since your father died, it will get better!

I used to work as a R.N. for many years. I doubt very much whether those few sweets you gave your father made any difference of when he got gangrene and died. You have to remember that he was 88 y/o when this happened!

It's normal to feel guilty when someone we loved died. If you didn't feel guilty about the sweets, you would feel guilty about something else! That's just the way the mind works. We go over all the things we said and did to see if we could have done something different and saved the loved one's life.

The reality is that your father lived a long life and you had a good loving relationship with him. I am 63 years old and my x-wife and I had no children. I would have loved to have had a daughter that was so loving to me as you were to your father.

It would probably help you to go to some grief classes and/or a grief support group. You could learn the different stages of grief and get support from other people who know what you're going through.

God bless you.

Answer 3

I don't think there is any limit on how long someone can grieve. Some people don't begin the process for many years. You shouldn't feel guilty. I'm sure your mother told him what might happen. It's not like you forced the sweets onto him. It's awful that he died a horrible death. I hope it wasn't too painful. But he lived a long life, and you have your memories. Some people don't have good relationships with their parents. I think that is worse.

Answer 4

You did the right thing. He was 88. He was not going to get better. We did the same with my grandfather. He ate sweets up until his death. I'm sorry he developed the problems before his death but I think you still did the right thing.

He is with the Lord now and is very happy.

As far as grieving it will get better over time. My dad died 30 years ago when I was 10 and I still sometimes cry because I miss him.

Answer 5

Please, don't feel guilty. Your father sounds like a great man, and your mom only worried about him (it's nice to see that she still cared!). But, diabetes is a difficult disease, and unfortunatley, most will succumb to it. Your father's life was his own, and if it made him happy to eat the sweets then at least he lived his life the way he wanted to while he had it. DO NOT blame your mother also. She only tried to help him. But, to help you, gangrene is very common in patients with diabetes, and is not related to eating sweets. It's a bacterial infection. Nothing to do with sweets. As for your question on how long is normal to greive for your father, I personally think it lasts forever. You only have one father and will always miss him. I lost my grandmother ten years ago and still get sad and cry when I think about her. It's normal. It just shows that you loved him and miss him. I hope this helps.

Answer 6

88 is a good long life, and you helped him feel a little bit better for all the problems he was having. You must remember that if not for the Diabetes it would have been something else. As for the grieving as long as you haven't locked your self in your room and stopped eating you should grieve for as long as it takes. Just don't let it consume your life. The pain of death is more powerful for some and less for others. I hope that helped a little bit

Answer 7

Sweetie..He was ready to go.. You did not help to kill him..He was ready to go and God came to take him. Don't worry...He's in a better place now, and you know, 88 is a long life, you should feel blessed to have had him as long as you did. Don't feel guilty. It's okay to miss him.. It's okay to cry, but if this is happening every day you should think about talking to a counselor, they could really help you sort out your feelings. Think about the good times together and cherish the treasurable memories. Know that he is forever and for always with you in your heart as long as you keep a special place for him there. He is always with you honey, don't ever forget that. It's always hard to move on when someone passes on, especially someone so special. You'll be all right. I wish you the best of luck and I know you'll make it through. Just remember that he would want you to move on, and moving on doesn't mean you should forget him, heaven knows that should never happen, but in moving on you accept things, and remember him for who he truely was. You'll be just fine. It's okay. :)

Answer 8

Grieve as long as you need to. There is no time line as to as long as you need to feel your pain. There is no time limit as to your loss. If it helps you remember the good times and the bad. Take as long as you need. My Dad is a diabetic and he love his candy. I can't stop him, no matter how much I ***** and complain. But I ask the powers that be to keep him well and healthy and as long as his is with me I thank God and let him know everyday that I Love Him. Sometimes, as a child we could only do so much. But know this, as we are borne the day of our death is Written in His book. You made your Dad happy on this Earth, he knew that sweets where not in his diet, but he knew the risks, and think about it, he didn't die from a drug overdose, he didn't die in streets alone,. He lived a long 88 years old, and he knew his time was coming to an end, and he lived his last as he wanted to. Wouldn't you want to. You'll see him again, when it is time to. Have comfort in that. You'll meet again.. Whatever your belief, sweetie, you'll meet again. Take Care.You did nothing wrong.

Answer 9

First, grief takes time and that time is different for different people. The guilt may be slowing you up a bit-but girlfriend, he was 88-it was his time to go. Also, unless you were force feeding him the sweets, it was his decision to eat them. Face it, he would be dead either way, but you have the added memories of smuggling him a little cookie every now and then rather than telling him no.

Answer 10

Don't feel bad about that..If your Dad wanted the sweets he would of ate some if you gave it to him or not..i feel if gave him a moment of happiness ...Its better to live and be happy ...Then to live a little longer and be sad..,,,,My mom is a diabetic and if she wants a piece of cake so be it..just not the whole cake.....I too would want her to be happy...and as far as the grieving....there are no time frame..You love your Father..just try to think of the good times you had..And keep him in your Heart..He Will Be with you there..

Answer 11

Cheer up. You were a great daughter. Your father would laugh if you told him that you feel guilty. He would say "Thanks for sneaking the sweets. I was 88 years old and I can do whatever I want." You were a really good daughter and you made your father very happy. You did good. You were just great. don't worry about it. Your father forgives you 100%. And so does God.