what happens when you can't control your 4 year old?

Question

My 4 yr old son just won't listen when it comes to following directions such as go to sleep, pick your clothes up off the floor and stop actinh up in school, I've talked with him and taken toys away and no TV for 3 days ..It's not working I don't know what to do

Answer 1

4 yr olds! Gotta luv 'em...but sometimes, you really want to tan their little behinds...which is what they might need from time to time.

This is a battle of WILLS! He thinks that he can outlast you and sometimes, he probably can. But guess what. You can put his little self in his room with a book and leave him there to "read" it. Tell him when he can read the book, he can come out. That will get you a little time, of course, he will need your help to read it. He also may have to come ask for your help...making him a bit humble.

You know... "Big Boys do things a bit more differently than throwing temper tantrums". And "Big Boys clean up their own rooms." "Big boys who act up in school may not get to have that special treat that they like so much."

Establish a reward system for good behavior and strip down to the bare essentials before you implement the system. TV, computer games, etc. are all privileges, not entitlements. Some things need to be earned. If he is taught earn some things, he will learn to respect you and himself a little bit more.

It is bad to say but if you don't get him in control now as a 4 yr old, he will most likely turn into a spoiled out of control teen. That's not an attacking statement. It is a truth factor. I've seen it happen.

You as a mom also deserve a little bit of peace. A 4 yr old needs to understand that MOM is MOM and she is not putting up with is lack of respect nor is she going to let him get away with his tyraids any longer!

I've been through it with my boys and they are fine. Yes, I had to spank them a few times. It really did hurt me more than it hurt them. But their feelings were very hurt that "Mommy had to spank them". Daddy maybe, but not MOMMY!

Good luck!

Answer 2

What about a point system and rewards to go along with that?

I would really think about this software:

www.easychild.com

Even the basic package ($29) is great. Or you can do a chart like this and use stickers and rewards. Kids will act up - their reward is you getting frustrated! I know it's frustrating at this age - but bite your tongue for a few days and remain extremely positive. When he does something good, reward that. Let him see that it's to his benefit.

To be honest, I "tried" that before a LONG time ago but when it didn't work instantly, I stopped.

When he escalates, don't go along with him. After a while, he'll realize that it just doesn't benefit him.

Ear plugs help for the first couple days...LOL.

Take care, know you aren't alone.

There's also a good book you can buy/check out called "How to behave so your children will too". It's really funny and very insightful.


http://www.easychild.com/chore-chart-age-4.htm

This system has totally changed the way our house works with 3 children. I can't tell you the number of times I hear "yes and no maam". I can't tell you how cool it is to have the beds made without saying a word...or the homework done. My 5 year old has really enjoyed it.

Answer 3

Gee he's acting just like a 4 year old! Taking AWAY things doesn't work at this age. Tomorrow he won't understand WHY television was taken away since he has been watching it before. He doesn't have the mental capacity at four to understand that what you told him yesterday applies today, and tomorrow. He doesn't understand yesterday, today and tomorrow even. All he understands is Now. He knows that you won't let him watch television now...he doesn't know why and that is confusing to him. Small children don't think like adults as they are not mineatureized adults, they are small children. So of courset it's not working.
A better method is the behavior and reward system. The child starts out with no television, no videos, no games, etc. When he shows good behavior all day he gets a certain amount of time doing something he enjoys (television, videos, games, etc, my daughter got an hour each evening). Weekends limit those times to not more than 6 hours for both days, the rest of the time should be spent doing something other than vegetating in front of a box. (going to a playground/park, imaginitive play, reading...etc)
I never took anything away from my daugther, never had many problems with her behavior either. So it worked very well in our home.

Answer 4

Stick with the basics. Now, all kids are different, but the one thing that is consistant is that they will test you. If he is 4 and behaving this way it's because he has gotten away with it for this long. My son is now 11. I have been popping his knuckles since he could pull up and reach stuff (about 6 months). Before all you folks out there get all hysterical, I didn't spank him...then. I popped his knuckles when he reached for something he wasn't supposed to have. I would tell him no twice and then 'thump!' Worked like a charm. He has had his butt whooped several times in his life, but in most cases 'the look' worked. There is nothing wrong with spanking your child. They have to have a 'fear' or their parents. This is not to say they are scared of mommy or daddy, but they respect your authority b/c their sore butt reminds them there are consequences if they don't. He won't resent you or be afraid of you provided you maintain quality time with him, doing fun stuff together. Does he watch TV right up to bed time? Someone here suggested reading to him at night. That is an excellent idea. Or, what about a half hour or so before bedtime, tell him it's time for you guys to talk about how school was, lay on the floor with him and color and talk. This will wind him down, and make sure he understands that when the picture is finished it's time to get ready for bed. Promise that you guys will do it again the next night if he goes to sleep like he's supposed to. That way he knows he has a 'date' with mommy. If that goes well, you can even extend it and let him know that if he acts up in school he will have to go to bed w/o his story or coloring. Good luck with him!

Answer 5

A 4 year old should not be running your life. You need to stand up and be the parent. A good swat on the rump might be in order. I'm not talking about a beating, I'm talking about one good swat to get his attention and then go from there. You need to make him do the things you tell him to do. He is at that age when he will test you to the end of your limits. If he wins, you lose. You will have a spoiled, irresponsible child if you let him continue. Tell him to pick up his toys and make him do it. It he won't, time out is in order. Talking with a child that age is like talking with the wall. They understand some of what you say, but not all, besides, the listening switch gets turned off about one or two sentences into the talk. You have to enforce it with stern orders, time out and a swat on the fanny if need be. Taking things away right now may not have the effect that you are looking for, making him sit in a chair for a few minutes to think about what he did will have more of an affect. I wish you luck.

Answer 6

You need to look at the child, a blessed and lovely,
handsome baby in miniature clothing. This is the age from
3-6 when children form their trust. They are mini-everyway at
the mercy of the larger kids. This is their world. Perhaps you
should consider the ideal, perfect day that would be healthful
for a child, yours. Just make a note, make some events with
taking time to add intelligent actions to their day. They would
like every chance of growing the way God made them, perfect.
A child is a soul, a person, a love, a faith, a kid, a listener, a
many sided human. I see four in the nursery and place over
31,000 college graduates, my team is actually over 90%. I
just follow the guidelines, the women that love to teach, the
men that love to provide are all the world that is around them.
Try to use your confidence in sweet, sharing, loving ways. A
colorful theme to their lives like blue or pink is a traditional help.

Answer 7

If he doesnt listen, Designate a "naughty corner" and put him in this corner for a certain amount of time. If he resists, don't yell or cuss at him, calmly pick him up ignoring everything he says and walk away. If he continues to act up, and you can't get him to be reasonable take away all of his things except his bed, and explian to him why this is happening. Tell him that when he can show he is a good boy he can have his toys back. Always works, whipping and grounding isn't the anwser, because this just caused retailation from the child. I wish you the best.

Answer 8

Only 3 days??? LOL. Sometimes with kids its not what they lose but what they have to gain. Life for a child should be structured. Not just when they misbehave but at all times. Children learn limits because we teach them that limits are part of life. Don't argue with your child. You are the boss not him. Structure means a lot of love and consistency on your part. Look at your own life first and see if there is structure there. If there isn't a 4 year old will see it. For me bedtime is bedtime. Does not necessarily mean sleep but bedtime and lights out. Just try it that way they will finally fall asleep. Let him play hard during the day. He will finally be ready to sleep. Keep life as scheduled as possible and follow through probably for the next 20 years by then their own kids will be doing to them what he did to you and they will finally understand. Happy Holidays

Answer 9

That just goes to show that spankings need to be performed on some kids. Taking toys away and things like that don't work all of the time. But oh nooo. Spanking might ruin his self esteem!

Please give your kid up for adoption, if you can't even handle him at four years old. At a teenager, he's going to be a lot worse, if you don't get control of him now. And you probably won't be able to handle that.

Answer 10

If his dad is around then team up with him on the discipline. If not, then maybe you need to spank him. Of course I'm not saying to beat him, however, there are some things that can only be fixed with a swat. And, if you've never done it before then it'll be all the more effective.
Think about it this way...your son has only been on the Earth for 4 years. He's got a long way to go, and if you don't get him under control now, the next 15 years or so are going to feel like 50.