Is this fair?

Question

I love my step daughter like she's my own. It's her mother I don't love. She works part time. She gets WIC which pays for the childs food. She is also covered by him for medical. He pays for a full time baby sitter. But her grandmother watches her. She doesn't let him see his daughter on his scheduled time. She's very immature. When he calls to tell her he's picking up his daughter she wakes her up and leaves. She gives him the baby wearing nothing but a diaper in the snow. She's unfit to be a mother, and now he's paying her 750 a month so she can sit on her a$$ and do nothing. She lives at home with her mom so she doesn't need to pay rent or anything like that. We have a baby on the way. This is not fair to our child. Paying her that much doesn't give us much to live off of.

I am glad he's paying her child support but it should not be that much at all. After they ordered it to be 750 she said in the court room I got you by your balls now. All she wants is money. She was fine with what he was paying her before I got pregnant then all of a sudden she had to take him to court for more money.

Answer 1

It really isn't fair at all. America has too many social programs for those who claim to be needy and really aren't. If it were me I wouldn't put up with it, and if I were living in a stable situation I would fight for her custody. It's not like you'd be paying $750 a month to raise the kid, so you'd end up saving money and probably making a better life for her. Who knows? All you can do is be kind to everyone and try not to create more tension in the little one's life. Good luck!

Answer 2

What you really need to do is two things.
The first is to sit down and calculate, based upon state guidelines, how much you should be paying and how much you are paying. Include both his premiums and the baby sitter, which could be considered an extraordinary expense. If there is a difference of greater than 10 percent, I would file a modification. Also, make sure that her income is added in (if she is full-bodied it should be 40 hours a week, part time or no).
Keep in mind that the fact that she does or does not pay rent is not the courts concern. The courts do not look at expenses, only income and parenting time (government employees get confused if you use too many numbers). Also, make sure they are not adding in _your_ income. You were not a party to making the baby, it should be your husband's income and her income, real or imputed.
Your upcoming child should help a little bit. The courts do factor in whether or not a parent has other children into the mix, and that could be the change that will allow for a modification, even if the courts do not on the other circumstances.
And I agree with you, it is called child support, not spousal support or one night stand support.

Answer 3

The child is 1 1/2 year old according to your last question about child support. That's a baby and a baby has a lot of needs. Your fiancee should not have become a father if he wasn't willing to pay his share.

If the mother isn't living up to her agreement around visitation, your boyfriend can take her to court.

You stated in your last question that when you have your child together, you'll choose to stay at home because you don't trust other people with your child. Why should the mother of his other child be any different? The fact that she's a single parent now may be why she needs her mother.

This person was likely immature when your boyfriend decided to have a baby (or just the sex that made the baby) with her so really, he's equally responsible for the problems you're having now with the lack of money and the hassle with his former girlfriend.

It's fair.... when someone creates a child, they are responsible for that child until it's an adult. The baby girl's mother didn't get to walk away from her responsibility and, as you'll find out when your own baby is born, giving up $750 a month is much less difficult than taking care of a child 24 hours a day.

Answer 4

Vanessa,

I know you are worried about your child, but Why should her child suffer? Is your child more special because your marrying him?

Its hard work raising a kid with help, forget about if your alone and single so i Doubt she is sitting on he A-ss , lapping in the life of luxury. its only 187.50 per week.

Its a difficult thing to be apart of, but this is the life you have chosen,.

Its hard, but it is what it is.

As far as visitation, he needs to get a court appointed visitation schedule.

This way she can't just up and leave.

And as far as her being in just a diaper, if this is true why didn't he just prepare in advance and bring a snow suit with him, or make her put some clothes on the child before he leaves.
Wrap her in a blanket and buy her an outfit when they go out.

And if she says he is an unfit father, then let him go spend time with his child undersupervision.

they can evaluate him then, and she isn't involved.And decide if he is fit or not.

Its free to petition for his visitation rights.

Hopefully, you understand that, the money is for the care of the child, and thats expensive. Formula costs 30 buck a container, and diapers are 20 buck if youget the cheap ones, 10 buck for some wipes. thats 60 bucks right there. laundry 20 bucks and clothes allowance20 per week.it all costs money. thats 100 bucks right there. and i don't know about you but i can spend way more that that on groceries. plus gas.

my ex used to pay, medical, my car note, and insurance, daycare. and give me his child support. his family would still send me milk and food, and stuff for both my son and me.

And if i needed gas money, or something for myself he'd throw me a bone that way.too.

You'll have plenty of money for your child, since you work full time. And you can get WIC too,

Besides, now that he's paying so much she may not be eligible for WIC, Is $9,000 dollars a year below the poverty guidelines?
yes it probably is, but as you said she works part time, so that could bring her income level up $11,520 if she gets 7.50 an hour and works 32 hrs a week. 20,000 a year. for 2 people,

Yes she is still eligible and Below the poverty guidlines,

Hope things work out for you, and good luck.

Answer 5

I hate to play the devils advocate here, but here goes. You knew when you decided to have a child with this man that he had other responsibilities to another child. You should have thought about this before making the decision to have a child with him. You need to be able to support these two children without taking away from one to support the other. There is a reason for child support, and that is to SUPPORT THE CHILD. In the equation used to determine child support, the cost of rent, gas, electric, food, etc is determined. Do you pay your other bills? Would you not pay your electric bill because the phone bill just arrived? On the other issues, document the dates and times of missed visitation, and take her to court. Also, if she is truly only dressing her in a diaper in the middle of winter, get documentation and pictures on this. It is nothing short of abuse. Sorry, but I have to side with the mother of his child on this one. Oh, and just so you know, WIC does NOT cover all the expenses of a childs food per month, it is assistance. It is meant to assist, not fully pay for the cost that the mother should also be incurring. At this point, you can ask the court to lower his support, but good luck with that. He layed down, now he has a child to support until that child is 18. Would you still feel this way if the shoe was on the other foot? What if it was you that was receiving the support, and his girlfriend wanted it lowered because they decided to start another family? Oh, and one more thing. Just so you know, I do not receive any child support for my son. It is ordered, but I chose not to enforce it simply because the time his dad spends with him is more important to me than the money. And my son isn't cheap. After insurance pays it's portion, I spend about 500 per month on extra diabetes supplies. Count your blessings that he doesn't also have to pick up a tab like this one.

Also she cant just go to court to get it raised when ever she wants to. There are limits on the number of modifications brought before the court by the mother. In Michigan I believe it is once every 2 years, although I dont know for a fact because I don't enforce my child's case. There are much more important things than money. The time he spends with his father is MUCH more important to me.

Answer 6

well, it's time for your husband to retaliate. how does a man who touches his 4 yr old daughter get to still be with her? It's because he gets away with it. How did your husband lose his rights to his daughter? He should only be paying 300 a month for only one child. I would take her back to court, because there is something going on that you both don't know of. Why don't you take proof by pictures and have her videotaped when she drops the child off in diapers in the cold. The women is just jealous of you and your pregnancy, that she wants to make your husband pay for it. If she does not deliver the child on his scheduled visit he can take her to court and if she will not hand the child over that the right time she can face up to 16 to 30 days in jail. He needs to exercise his right to see his daughter and get joint custody and possibly full custody to help you both. She is an unfit mother, then you need to stand back, and not show the courts that you are leading your husband on. Stay out of it, it's between the mother and father of the child. The courts will see that you are in the life way too much and they will award the women. He needs to step up and be a man and fight for his daughter.

Answer 7

the truth is it being fair or not doesn't matter. i'm kinda in the same boat as you are. my husband and i have two children together, a 3 yr. old and a four month old. plus my two children from a previous relationship, which he has willingly and happily accepted responsibility. my husband pays to his ex a month for one kid that they had together, 825.00. what you can do is get a lawyer. in some states child support can be lowered if the paying parent has remarried and has an entirely new family to support. (i know cuz i checked it out) we are trying to make it work without having to get the childsupport lowered and it's working. face it, that money is for the child. what the mother does with it now doesn't matter. if she blows it all on bull, then later she will have alot of explaining to do to the child. you should try to make it work first. if worse comes to worse, you and your husband should talk about doing what's best for everyone. if it means going to court to get it lowered, then so be it. good luck with everything.

Answer 8

You need to get character witnesses for all of what you're saying, and be prepared to spend a lot of money in court to either get the child, or to get his amount of child support lowered.

i know that you're furious, and that you're probably scared because of the fact that you have a child on the way, but if you play your cards right, you can come out of this a winner.

Hire a private investigator to follow her around, for one. Two, make sure that he takes pictures of what she does and everything so that you have something to show to the courts. Three, hire a good lawyer that will make her look like sh1t to the courts.

It's hard to get a baby taken from it's mother. Most states are very sympathetic to the mother's cause, however, if you can prove that she's abusing the child support, abusing her right to be a parent, and that she's not raising and caring for the child the way she should be (sounds like neglect, from what you're saying), your husband has a fair chance of reclaiming custody of his daughter.

Answer 9

You could always call social services if you don't think your step daughter is being taken care of at home. That is a harsh step. You could file with the court. If there is court paper work she is unable to pull her away from her father, she would be breaking the court order and you can call the cops. If there is no court paper work try sueing for custody.

Answer 10

Perhaps you and your husband should try to get custody. It sounds like a horrible situation for your step daughter. Unfortunately, the child is the one who suffers in these situations. I would really try for physical custody.