17. "I finished the Oreos"
16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."
15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!"
14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl"
12. "Darned if you ain't about 5 pounds away from a surprize visit from that Richard Simmons fella. '
11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt!"
10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
9. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?
8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
7. "Get your *own* ice cream."
6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today!"
5. "Got milk?"
4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
2. "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."
... and...
1. "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger..........."
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2006-12-04 12:02:30 · 14 answers · asked by al p 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
phil hartman shoulda read #1
2006-12-04 12:40:31 · update #1
ha ha ha ha ha...that is EXTREMELY funny! ive been faking laughter on the other jokes i read today but this one is ACTUALLY FUNNY!!
im impressed! :)
2006-12-04 12:22:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continuing this to things you don't say to a new mother:
- "Hey! Easy night last night!" (cuz if it wasn't, you must've slept through the kid crying).
- "Man, gonna be hard to lose that baby weight, eh?"
- "Can we put the kid outside the room? He's a turn off"
- "Can we go back to your "nesting" phase? This room's a mess!"
- "Hey, I worked ALL day!"
2006-12-04 20:07:53 · answer #2 · answered by TankAnswer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend got in trouble by telling his wife that she looked so cute, just like the "Heffalump" from Winne the Pooh. It really pissed her off.
2006-12-04 20:09:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
number 1 is good...and so true..never give a pregnant women a gun and dare her not to pull the trigger..lol
2006-12-04 23:29:09 · answer #4 · answered by chilover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good, especially the last one. Don't ever dare your pregnant wife with a gun. Haha
2006-12-04 20:33:27 · answer #5 · answered by Dumbguy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that was funny. have u heared the "things u shouldnt say to a cop"? its sooooo funny.
2006-12-04 20:06:39 · answer #6 · answered by secret luver 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cute lol lmao I liked numbers 3,7,8,and 13.
:-) loved it!
2006-12-04 20:10:26 · answer #7 · answered by astruempf00 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol those are some good ones
2006-12-04 20:16:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
haha some of those were pretty damn funny
2006-12-04 20:05:25 · answer #9 · answered by jake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, those are funny.
2006-12-04 20:15:39 · answer #10 · answered by auteur 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋