I need to know at what age do kids really get consequences to there actions?

Question

My child is being punished at school severly. He usually can not tell me what happened. He does remember the punishment for whatever it was though. I have asked the teacher and she will tell me something like, " He wouldn't sit still." He is only five, do any five year old boys sit perfectly still all the time? The teacher says kids memory doesn't process things that happened a few hours ago. My child is no angel, but if he can't recall what he done, how is punishing him for it going to help. I am not a parent tahe believes every word my child says. I started the school year out with an open mind, but I am having a hard time keeping things that way. Since the second week of school he has been sitting by him self at a table. He has to walk in the front of the line anywhere they go. She has even made him sit with her at lunch a NUMBER of times. I just want so SERIOUS insight on childhood develoment. Please excuse Spelling.

Answer 1

It would seem that the teacher has a problem with your child. The reasons she's telling you don't seem right to me. "he wouldn't sit still" seems rediculous to me, especially since she is an elementary school teacher. I am assuming he is in kindergarten, a grade when quite a bit of fidgeting and moving around and even talking and other disruptive behaviours are seen as normal and teachers usually deal with them by asking the child to stop and if the behaviour continues, writing a note home to the parents, and some other punishments are used too such as corner sitting or the like, although you can ask that certain punishments not be applied to your child(do it in writing). The parent is then supposed to curb the behaviour by explaining to the child why it is not ok. Severe punishments that the child remembers over the reason for them will only serve to make the child either afraid of going to school because he doesn't want punishments when he's done nothing, or angry because he is forced to go to this place. Also I don't think the teacher has finished up her reading on child memory. My four year old remembers if he did something worth a punishment and what the punishment was. Of course if i punish him I do tend to belabor what it is for, but at least a couple of statements about what it is for should be made and the parent should be given a note every time there is an incident. I would recommend that you go to either the principal or vice principal, whoever handles discipline in the school. You'll want to speak of your concerns regarding both the conduct of the teacher, and the discipline policies of the school. Definitely go there with a list of occurances as you know them and a duplicate to give them as they will probably want to investigate. Also have a list of ways you would like things to change, for example a note every time there is a problem, or a call or whatever you think will improve the situation. Perhaps moving him to another classroom would help. Do not be afraid of the school system, they are there to serve you and if you feel that your child is not getting the education and treatment the other children receive you need to say something. My oldest son was great when we were in a rural school with only 12 kids in his class. When we moved to the city and his class size was over 30 all of a sudden the teacher was reporting all these behaviour problems. The child hadn't changed, but the new teacher was less tolerant. It was also discovered shortly after the move that my son learns differently than other kids, he's faster to grasp the concept, but also faster to forget how to do it. This was enough of a burden on the teacher that she decided he needed to be recommended for remedial and special education classes. At that time, I took him out of the public school system and started homeschooling him. I couldn't let them stupify my child like that. I knew kids in remedial classes in high school that were normal except for their behaviour and they couldn't even read. My son is now 8 (third grade) and he reads on a fifth grade level. He still has some trouble with math, but it's getting easier for him to remember. Remember, you know your child best. Do not let jaded public officials tell you how to think or feel about your kid. If you feel he is being punished unfairly for whatever reason even if you can't come up with one, you need to say something to someone who can do something about it. If they refuse, the next bigger guy is the one to go to. If you find no relief at the school itself, perhaps you should consider a different school or homeschooliong. Good Luck

Answer 2

I have been a mom for 27 years and a licensed daycare provider for 20 years. I also have an early elementary education degree. Kindergarten can be a rough adjustment for some children. A good kindergarten teacher, who enjoys this age, understands the difficulties that arise. It sounds as though your son and his teacher have really started off the year on the wrong foot. I suggest that you request a conference with the teacher and ask that the principal be there as well. No child, regardless of their age, deserves to always be isolated from their classmates. Being in front of the line does have some merit if he is a child that has some trouble staying focused and is easily distracted. For whatever reason he is not acclimating well to the classroom environment. There are many reasons for this including not understanding what is expected of him, personality conflict between student and teacher, developmental delay, and numerous other reasons or a combination of several. From a teacher viewpoint, if I had a student who had multiple incidences of behavior issues, I would be in daily contact with the parents to arrange a suitable, consistent plan to ensure the student has a successful learning experience. Constant punishment with no attempt at modifying the behavior is like beating your head against a wall. I would also suggest that you attempt to make all your contact with your son's teacher with the attitude of wanting to be in partnership with her and not be defensive or accusatory in your dealings with her. It will take numerous reminders, but most children who are 5 will have a remedial understanding of the rules and their consequences IF they have been consistently enforced. It is helpful to go over the rules and there consequences at home as well for reinforcement. Your son needs you to be his advocate, yet you need to do what you can to help him adjust to his school enviornment.

Answer 3

Wow. Your poor kiddo and poor you at that. Sweetie you need to make an appointment with your child's guidance counselor and perhaps the principal as well. Discuss with them what has been going on and see what they say. Also, you should keep a log at home on your child's behavior for a short time and see how it does or doesn't compare to his school behavior. To me it sounds as if the teacher has something personal against your child. unfortunately teachers don't always like the kids they work with. whatever you do, don't allow the school to label your child as having adhd unless you see the same behavior at home. Also, I would ask if your child could be moved into a different class and see how that teacher reacts to your child. By the way, your son being isolated at a table is NOT something you should accept since kids this age already have so much social pressure and self esteem issues already. Be proactive and get to the school. Find out more. Good luck. Perhaps you want to speak with your son's dr too.

Answer 4

Actually you need to speak with the principle. If he is being punished for not sitting still that is unreasonable punishment for a behavior that can be worked on. He is 5. Gimme a break. I have taught that age group and boys especially seem to have ants in their pants.

It seems as though your teacher has singled him out as a problem. I would find out how long she has been teaching and also what grade she actually wanted to teach. Alot of the time, teacher's take jobs to get a JOB, not necessarily because it fits where they want to be or the age group they feel most comfortable with.

At 5, your child will be able to recall their entire day, and also tell it to you. If he cannot remember what he did, then there is something wrong or he doesn't want to say. However if the best she can come up with is "He won't sit still." then you need to sit and talk with her and the principle. But, if upon repeated attempts he won't sit still, keep his hands to himself, and continues to disrupt the class I can see why EVENTUALLY she would move him. Moving him should not be a preemptive strike.

With kids who have alot of energy, patience is the key that alot of teachers lack. They have alot of other kidds, and they feel their time is better spent working with them than the one kid who won't sit still. However if she took the time to work with him a little versus just punishing she would see a lot of result versus a child that fears her and is slowly starting to hate the school experience. This I take it is his first year in a School. She needs to give him a chance everyday, not move him away and single him out.

When you speak with the Principle inquire about how long she has been teaching, is there a possibility of moving your child to a different room (sometimes a change of personality works wonders!), or if their is another school that will work with your child versus punishing and segregating.

This type of behavior breaks my heart in teachers. Being a teacher candidate myself, I work with kids (my own included) tutor etc every day. I can understand the stress, however you cannot make these mistakes and expect a child to appreciate school and the greatness of learning.

I Hope This Helps,
Amy

Answer 5

At the age of 2 I started teaching my kids about consequences and all actions have a reaction. But I would go to your son's principle the teacher seem way way out of line. Even though a child's ability to process info in less than ours if he did a bad thing he would remember. Having a child's mind and short term memory loss is two different things. It sounds to me like the teacher is singling him out and alienating him from the others. Go to her boss. Good luck :)

Answer 6

when a young child misbehaves - punishment needs to come straght after so they can link that behavor with being bad and something to not do.


the reason for this is they dont remember all the little things they do, i mean you think back to when your 5, do you remember much of it at all? no you proberly dont.

but 5 years old is now old enough to learn right from wrong and a good time to start.

though i will agree no 5 year old can sit still - its a bit harsh to punish a child for that

Answer 7

It sounds as if there is more going on here than just not "sitting still". It sounds as if he is distruping the class, if I were you I'd INSIST That the teacher tell me everything that is going on in the classroom concerning your son and if she isn't being forthright, go to the principal and if that doesn't help the superintendent. Something is not right here, the punishments do not fit the "crimes".

Answer 8

ask if you can sit in one day, or ask how much he disrupts the class compared to other children. maybe all he needs is more attention from other students or the teacher, but making him sit at lunch with her is unacceptable. i always heard the responsibility age was between 8 and 10.

Answer 9

Preschool