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I'm 27 years old, only child, not raised by my mother, and now she wants to be "mommy".

She's mean, and selfish. I understand that my father has a mind of his own, but the way she treated me growing up, i can only imagine how she did him and I understand why my dad disappeared. He tried when I was little, i do remember that. Now my relationship with him is better than with my mom.

I was raised by other family members while my mom partied and had her boyfriends. My family who raised me, now deceased, paid for everything while my mom collected child support from my dad. I had loans for college b/c eventhough my mom was in a position to help, she refused.

I don't disrespect her, but I don't bother with her too much either.

I could go on, but I guess that's enough background info to get the idea. So my question is...How could a mother be like that? Am I wrong now for not wanting to be bothered with her? How can I make her understand? She thinks I should forvige and forget.

2006-12-04 10:52:55 · 8 answers · asked by Alishia 2 in Family & Relationships Family

My mother had me when she was 28.

2006-12-04 11:44:15 · update #1

8 answers

How old was your mother when she got pregnant with you? It sounds like your mother was immature, selfish, and didn't accept her responsibilities. However, she may have changed by now. If your mother collected child support for you and someone else raised you, she wasn't entitled to keep the funds. She now owes you that money. I'm sure it's hard for you to accept her in your life now. I'm sure she's the sorry one now. She now realizes what all she missed out on by not being your mother. Take things one step at a time forgiving her. God does tells us to honor our parents. There are no stipulations applied to this commandment. Parents are the one people we have to respect whether they deserve it or not, whether they've earned it or not, or whether we want to or not. We have no choice. I'm not saying forget what she's done to you because that's being unrealistic at this time. But do not let your childhood haunt you. Talk to her in a non-argumentive, non-confrontational way letting her know how she's hurt you. Don't be sarcastic or ridiculing. This may be hard to do, but be kind to her. It takes time to build a relationship, so let her know on what terms you two can start. Ask her the question you've asked us, "How can a mother be like that". Remember to forgive. I wish you both the well.

2006-12-04 11:34:55 · answer #1 · answered by merry59 5 · 1 0

Be respectful towards her, but you don't have to forgive and forget. Some mothers are more immature than their children. Just because you give birth to a child doesn't mean that you are ready to be a parent, and it seems that your mother was one of those irresponsible, selfish people who wanted to continue being a carefree teenager instead of a mature adult with a child. I think you should keep a safe distance from her, just see her now and then, until she proves to you that she has finally grown up. Then you can allow her to get closer, if you want to. But don't feel guilty if you don't want her in your life. It was her decision to abandon you.

2006-12-04 19:08:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anniesgran 4 · 1 0

There is too much history there to forgive and forget easily. Sit her down and tell her what growing up without a mother felt like. She wasn't your mom then so she can't be one now. How ever you can have a friendship relationship if you choose to.

2006-12-04 19:00:10 · answer #3 · answered by Hebrews 11 4 · 2 0

Forgive and forget is the mantra of the guilty.

You follow your heart. Your heart will ALWAYS tell you what to do. Just hope that your head listens. If you do decide to develop a relationship, go slow, don't invest yourself emotionally, this woman could flake any moment and leave you with another more devestating broken heart.

Good luck.

2006-12-04 19:10:35 · answer #4 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 0 1

too bad that things were like that, but I think maybe you should allow her to love you now. Get to know her. People change. You don't have to give her the credit of being a good mother, but maybe she has become a good person. Give it a chance!

2006-12-04 18:58:01 · answer #5 · answered by love2utam 2 · 2 0

This is hard because you have a lot of mix emotions shes you're mother in one way or a mother you have love for her but she let you down. i think you should sit her down and let her know that you don't need her now you're grown every thing that you got and did in life was because of you no thanks to her let her now how you feel it might be cruel and it might hurt you and her,good luck and you should be proud of you're self

2006-12-04 19:08:37 · answer #6 · answered by baby_ girl 2 · 1 0

Since she's mother in name only, why bother. You're not wrong at all. Perhaps you need to be up front with her, and let her know how you feel........which is nothing.

2006-12-04 19:03:34 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1 1

say NO she should have been with u since the very begining! now she needs ure help thats why she wants to be ure mom.

2006-12-04 18:58:44 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 1 1

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