Potty Traning issues with 9 year old boy.............?

Question

My husband and I are married for about one year and he has a son from a previous marriage that is almost 9 years old. Unfortunately, his son is still not as of yet potty trained at night time. His son does live with his mother full time and she insists on him wearing pull ups at night. When we have him on weekends though he does not wear pull ups with us. We had tried to convince her to not have her son wear pull ups but it has been a loosing battle. It has been a year at this point and she believes that he will outgrow the pull ups eventually. Our thoughts are different, how can he outgrow pull ups if he has never been out of diapers. He rarely has a dry night and I he talks about it openly with us. I just wish I knew a way that we can all agree and get him out of pull ups. The goal is that and I am afraid that the bigger picture is just not clear to her. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Is he only having troubles getting through the night without wetting the bed? If so, the problem isn't about being potty trained but that his bladder hasn't developed as fast as the rest of his body. You should talk to a doctor about it.

Answer 2

I have a son older than 9 and he still has the occassional mishap. He's never had pull ups, so I dont think wearing them or not may make the difference. All kids are different though I guess. My son was born very early at 27 weeks and he has had other problems. Im not totally sure if this can attribute to his prematurity- but its all I can imagine. I have heard that some kids- especially boys who suffer from late night accidents can struggle up until 12 or 13.
And yes, when my son was younger he didnt mind telling ANYONE that he still wet the bed. I was horrified, disgusted and just frustrated as a parent. Ive said a lot of nasty things to him about it- regretfully, but at the end of my rope and feeling like a failure as a parent. But what can you do? The reminding him every night not to have lots of drinks- make sure they go to use it before bed. Its not fun and gets old after the first few years over 5. But he's much better about it now. Not nearly as often, so maybe they do grow out of it. Ive had nightmares about sending him to college and having to pack him a mattress protector.
Sorry if thats too much info, I do get carried away. But making a long story short- have faith and hang in there. Good luck!

Answer 3

My first suggestion is social services. If he his 9 years old what the hell is that mother doing. I am sure that can go as neglect. That is beyond normal childhood bedwetting. I think the son needs to be talked to. Does he have a problem with bedwetting that the mother is just not wanting to fess up to and get medical help for (some kids need medical intervention). You may ask the son if he would mind seeing a doctor. As the father has half responsiblity for his son's medical wellbeing. He has the right to set up and appointment and pay for it (not ask the mother's health insurance to). He does not have to let the mother know about the appointment before hand but must tell her the results after seeing a doctor.

I agree with you. As long as he has the pull ups (not sure how they can possibly fit him) he will never learn. My son will be 3 on Saturday and is full potty trained. We tried EVERY method possibly and the only method that worked for him was not buying anymore pull ups.

Just for protection I would buy a vinyl covering for the matress he sleeps on. They are very easy to disinfect and your matress will not be stained or smell from them. We bought one (I highly recommend) that the whole matress fits inside of and then zips (like a backpack). We got it for 10 dollars at Bed Bath and Beyond. You really have to look for them. When I asked associates everyone of them said they don't exist. I knew they did because as a child I had very severe allergies and I had to use them.

Answer 4

This is not "potty training" issues; this is bedwetting and it is very different. Pull ups really don't have anything to do with it - you are on the wrong track. If he is asleep he doesn't know whether he has on pull ups or not. Take this boy to a Doctor. Usually the causes are physical but sometimes emotional. (If he used to not wet, but does now, it's probably emotional due to the divorce). There are medicines these days but trips to the psychologist may be required too.

Answer 5

When you say potty trained I assume you mean the child wets the bed. If so then know that it is common in boys. You MUST limit his liquids a few hours before bedtime! Also he should be checked by a doctor to see if their are other causes like medical. So many things can cause bed wetting whether it is physical or mental. I know I grew up 3 boys and one was a bed wetter.

Answer 6

I would suggest that your husband and your son discuss this situation with a doctor. In 20 years I have never heard of a 9 yr old with normal mental function have a bed wetting problem without either a medical or psycological issue. Sadly I'm afraid that this child is in the middle of a spousal tug of war and frankly his still devloping brain isn't equipped to deal with this.

Mark

Answer 7

It sounds like he has a problem with bed wetting. In its nothing to be ashamed of. I wet the bed until I was 8, and so did just about everyone on my mom's side of the family (including my brother). He will grow out of it. He needs to strengthen his bladder muscles by stopping and starting his flow of urine when he goes pee. Don't make him feel ashamed or embarrassed about this problem. Its very difficult to deal with b/c when you wet the bed you honestly can't help yourself. I tried so hard not to wet my bed, but i was such a heavy sleeper that it was just impossible. Doing kegels really helped me a lot.

Also, there is nothing wrong with wearing pull-ups at night time...that's probably smart or you'll be washing sheets and blankets every day. I really hope that you are not making this child or his mother feel ashamed of this...its not his fault or his mother's fault that he wets the bed. If his bladder muscles are not strong or if he's a heavy sleeper he'll wet the bed with a pull up or with out one. Just chill out on the kid...make him do some bladder strengthening exercises, wake him up at night to use the bathroom, and limit fluid before bed time.

Answer 8

My parents had to rent a machine that would wake me up when I started wetting the bed. I slept so sound that the feeling to go, didn't wake me. After one month I was cured. The machine is still available today. I see the ads for it in the grocery stores where you can put your own ads up. Wearing pullups has no affect one way or the other, except to make clean up easier and keep your bed dry!

Answer 9

I think the problem isnt that he's not toilet trained, I think the problem is that he's anatomically unable to hold his urine through the night. Children have this issue, and its quite common. Bladders dont always grow with a child, and it takes them a while to catch up, thus they wet the bed.

Children sleep so soundly that they simply dont wake themselves up, because they dont realize they have to pee while theyre asleep. There is so much growing and repair happening in their sleep that waking them up is difficult.

A good parent would monitor his liquid intake before bed, have him potty before bed, and then wake up him themselves half way through and have him go potty. The more often you wake up him at the SAME time each night, the more his body will find it routine and learn to wake up on its own.

Answer 10

I don't suppose anyone has bothered to take this child to a physician? Children who are still bed wetting at this age often have medical issues that are causing the problem.