Why is it that some people think that any bad trait their kid has must have come from watching other kids?

Question

Most questions I post I have given alot of thought to- sometimes for years. Is it some universal trait that parents can't see what their own kids do? That thier children and themselves are not responsible for what they did? "Well, they learned it from so and so's kids". It's urksome. My question: "Is it true in your corner of the globe that this is the norm...that everyone thinks their kids couldn't be the problem." Why can't parents see how bratty their own kids really are- or they pass blame? What can a person say that will help wake these parents-of-future-inmates up?

Lindsey, I so see it that way, too!

Answer 1

Do you think it has something to do with the lack of responsibility for ones own actions that seems to be perpetrated in todays society? If you slip on a lettuce leaf at the supermarket it isn't your fault it is the fault of the supermarket, if your child falls from some playground equipment and breaks their arm it is the fault of the council not your kid making a mistake... If your child hits and pokes another in the eye it must be the fault of the other child, they must have asked for it.
People tend to be blind to their own faults and more so to their children's faults (myself included). I find it is the adults who will admit virtually none of their own failings who are especially prone to ignoring their children's generally antisocial behaviour. I haven't found anything works except keeping a close eye on these kids and being the loud mouthed monster who tells them when they have done something wrong (the parents tend to prick up their ears when their little angel is being told off).
In my experience telling people who aren't prepared to acknowledge their own issues that their children are hoons doesn't work.
As for the children's future, half of them may end up being inmates, and the other half will be the worlds future CEO's.

As for the spanking thing, (see Bonzai Betty) the kids who are punished the most seem to me to be more likely to do so to their peers... but then I'm not for spanking, rather keeping kids in line by having rules and being consistent. That works for me but I know that everyone has their own way.

Answer 2

In the US people tend to blame others. This is a learned trait. It's past down from generation to generation. For example; "I have to smoke because my parents smoked." OR "It's my next door neighbor's fault that my son stole a toy from the store." OR "It's not my fault that he wants a toy every time we go to the store."

I believe in this country people lack foresight. They don't take responsibility because society says it's okay.

Everything I do now that I'm a parent--I think about my son. How will swearing effect him? He's probably going to catch on and start swearing as well. If I give him a toy every time we go to the store, how will that effect him? He'll turn spoiled and always want a toy. I realize the potential problems BEFORE they result into a problem--I solve the problem without actually having to create one. Granted--I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be. My parents always told me to stand up and say "It's my fault." or "I'm to blame." when I was little.

When I was a teenager and tried blaming poor grades on teachers they would give me a slap of reality and make me realize it is my fault--not the teachers. I'm so grateful that I learned this early on both by word and example from my own parents. I hope I can instill this wonderful lesson to my child.

I don't know about anyone else but an "I'm sorry. It's my fault and I'll do better next time." works better for me and puts my mind at ease better then--"Well, I'm sorry but it was Jimmy's mom's dog's fault that I...."

Another thing I hate is that it's "okay" to be average or normal. If it's normal for a boy to be potty trianed at four years old then that's what parents strive for. If Jimmy is getting average grades--that's what parents strive for. I just cannot stand it.

We sit around and wonder all day why the world is going crazy. It's because no one will stand up acknowledge the problem and say I have to fix it. It's easier to complain and put blame on others then step up and make a change.

I hope this answers your question. I started on a rant but I'm just as urked about this problem also.

Answer 3

Children often imitate behavior they see in other children. Its a normal thing for children to do as they grow and learn to immulate their peers.

However, the behavior is the fault of the parents. The first time its expressed by the child, its a time of learning for the parents and the child about where this behavior was learned, and why its unacceptable. Every other time that its expressed its the parents fault for not taking the responsibility to train their children out of it.

Its much easier for parents to blame other children, other parents, schools, teachers, family members, ailments, learning issues, ADHD, than it is to simply put in the time and work of parenting a child.

Its not easy, but it doesnt mean you can cop out as a parent. Its our job as parents to not only teach our children how to behave, but to expect and accept nothing less from them. They have to grow up and function in society after all, they should be the best they can be.

Rotten bratty people simply dont excell on their own in the real world.

Answer 4

It's not really that parents are blaming others, it's that the parent has looked around at their own family and friends and didn't see that behavior from any of them, so they say they must have learned it at school or day care.

I do agree though that a lot of parents now a days do not take responsibility for themselves, let a lone their kids.

Answer 5

I know what you mean, I have a friend whose son is always hitting my son, and she blames it on all kinds of things other than he is just a BRAT! However, my son has started throwing fits and I know I am the only one to blame, although I don't know how or when it happened. So we are working on that now. I think it is the individual parent though. I will say I don't have all the answers and I'm just doing the best I can to raise a productive part of society. Hope that helps.

Answer 6

These are the same parents who are against spanking. Yet they seem to have the most violent and diabolical children.