My boyfriends dad died, about 2 years ago in a terrible plane crash. He talks about him like he is still alive though (i.e. my dad is a doctor instead of my dad was a doctor). After the death, his life went down hill...he turned to drugs and isnt doing well in school etc. but he is currently in counseling and trying to basically get back to his normal life. I want to help him overcome the grief of losing his dad but i dont know how to bring up the subject without offending him or hurting him more..........
2006-12-04 08:43:38 · 7 answers · asked by XoXo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I lost my 25-yr. old son 3 yrs. ago, and I can say from personal experience, there is nothing you can do...or say...just let him know it'sok to talk about him as if he's still here, that's how you keep their memory alive!! I think you should let him bring it up, and when he does, just be as understanding and accepting as possible. He will begin to see that he can feel comfortable around you. It's VERY important in the healing process to have people that you can turn to when you feel sad or lonely or miss your loved one on a special day....just BE there for him!
2006-12-04 09:02:16 · answer #1 · answered by imjarsmom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do, except be there for him. He has to go through the mourning each step at a time. First there's anger, Why and you blame yourself sometimes, He's knowing that his father won't see him grow up, or see him marry, or anything in his life. Talking in the presence,keeps him alive. He's not ready to let go. Encourage him, let him know that you are proud of how he's handling it.And if there is anything you can do for him. Tell him it must be hard but life goes on, and your father will watch over you.other than that there's not much more. My daughter died 3 years ago and its still tough, especially this time of the year. Patience.
2006-12-04 10:09:04 · answer #2 · answered by lennie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dad died in plane crash in 1993, I was 17, it's not easy to deal with. first off we just lost our dads, then we lost our dad in something that tends to make major headlines, not to mention major lawsuits. There really isn't anything anyone can do to help with the grief. It's a process we have to deal with on our own. There are stages we have to go through and when we get stuck in one it's hard to get to the next step. Counseling is the best help he can have and just being there is the best thing you can do for him.
speaking of stages....If he gets mad let him yell, but don't take it personal...he is not mad at you...he just need to yell...you don't know how badly I needed to hit that stage and it seems most people going through grief needs to hit the stage of anger...it the only way we get most of our feelings out for being abandoned, for them dieing and us being left behind...so when he finally gets to that stage don't take it personally....just let him rant and rave and call you everything under the sun let him say it should have been someone else to die...cause he just needs to get the hurt out of his system...he doesn't really mean it.
like I said the best thing you can do is just be there for them...let him know that if he ever need to talk you there to listen. (but don't over nag him about it cause guys don't like that)
2006-12-04 09:08:49 · answer #3 · answered by serephinadragon 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmm that is a hard situation to be in, and I commend you for staying by his side through all of that.
I wouldn't bring up his father at this point in time, not while he is still trying to get his life back together, I would wait until he is well again and no chance of this hurting his chances of getting back together.
For now I would just tell him that you were still by his side.
I think he would appreciate that, good luck.
2006-12-04 08:57:31 · answer #4 · answered by Engel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My friends dad just died also...he wouldnt talk to anyone and I mean nobody...its sad. I want to help him but, I thought it would be better if everyone left him alone for awhile, until he wants to talk to somebody he'll go to you. Give him time to collect himself.
2006-12-04 08:47:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
there are lots of web sites from berevement organisations on the web look a few up to help you cope with his greif...
its going to be hard but if noting else just lisiten to him repete the same thing over and over to help he move on...
2006-12-04 08:59:50 · answer #6 · answered by desprate mum 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As you're seeing him on a regular basis, you can offer to attend a counseling session with him. In any case, your steady moral support will be appreciated.
2006-12-04 10:05:44 · answer #7 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋