What's a good joke that you know?

Question

Everyone Else help me judge these jokes...OK!

Answer 1

Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room.

When the first dog asks the second dog what he's in for, he answers, "My master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first opportunity I soiled it, so now I've been brought here to get on medication. So what are you here for?"

The first dog replies grimly, "I also need medication. My master had a table with a collection of expensive vases and while I was chasing my tail I accidently bumped into the table and broke them all."

The two dogs then look over and ask the third dog what he's in for. The third dog answers, "The reason I'm here is the other day my master stepped out of the shower and she bent over. I couldn't resist, so I jumped her from behind and took her like a wild animal!"

"So I guess you're also here for medication?" says the first dog.

The third dog answers, "Nope, I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

Answer 2

knock knock
who's there?
cargo
cargo who?
no, cargo beep-beep!


Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn?
she had mettens


there are 3 kinds of people in the world
those who can count and those who can't.


a duck walks into a drugstore and asks for some lip balm.
"cash or charge?"asked the clerk.
oh just put it on my bill...


knock knock
who's there?
little old lady
little old lady who?
i didn't know you can yodel


did you hear about the car with wooden weels, a wooden engine, and wooden seats?
only one problem: it wooden go!


Did you hear about the peanut who called the police?
He said he'd been assaulted.


Two muffins are baking in an oven. One says to the other:
Hot in here isn't it?
And the other one screams:
Ahhh! A talking muffin.


What's the capital of Alaska?
Juneau?
Yes, but I'm asking you.


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupti-
Mooooo!


What's the difference between an elephant and a mattahoney?
What's a mattahoney?
Nothing, but thank you for asking.


My dog has no nose.
Then how does he smell?
Terrible.


Did you just pick your nose?
No, I was born with it.


Doctor: I'm sorry, but you won't live much longer.
Patient: how much longer have I got?
Doctor: ten
Patient: ten what? months? weeks?
Docter: nine. eight. seven...


Did you hear about the scientist who crossed poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?
She got a rash of good luck.


Patient: Doctor, everyone keeps on ignoring me.
Doctor: Next, please.

Answer 3

Here's one for you. It's a bit adult, but I posted it about a month ago on here.

There's a trucker driving along the highway in Nevada, and he starts to get really horny. He then sees a sign for a Brothel (whore house) 10 miles away. He begins to get very excited when he spots a note at the bottom of the sign which says: "Beware of Sandpaper Sally." He thinks this is a bit wierd but keeps driving and gets hornier and hornier. He finally gets to the Brothel, throws money down on the table, and says: "I want a whore." to which a woman repeats: "Okay, but the only girl we have left is Sally." He decides to take the offer and runs up to the room he's told Sally is in. He opens the door and sees the prettiest blond he's ever seen in his life, throws her down on the bed and procedes to have his way with her when he notices that she is a bit rough and dry down there. He asks what's wrong with her and she gets up and goes to the bathroom. She comes back and they start again. He says that it feels great and asks what she did. To which she replies:"I picked the scabs."

Answer 4

There was once a Chinese family; a mother, a father, and a baby.
They went to the store. when they got home, the baby was already there. They asked him how he got home so soon.
The baby answers (in song) :
me Chinese! me no dumb! me hang onto daddy's bum. he go ploooooosh, I go zoom! that's how I get home so soon!



There were three brothers named Poop, Shut Up, and Manners. One day they were walking in the park and Poop fell down. Manners went to help him up while a stranger approached Shut Up. He asked:
Hi, what's your name?
He replied: Shut Up.
The stranger said: That's rude. Where are your manners?
Shut Up answered: Over there, picking up Poop.

Answer 5

Two Newfies were in Toronto for the first time and they were on a bus. Two nuns got on the bus and one of them had her leg in a cast. One Newfie says to the other "Wa ya suppose appen t'er?". The other one says, " I don know, whyn't ya fine out." He responds, "I will" and goes over to the nun and asks, "Sista, wha appen ta yer laig?" She says, " I slipped, in the Baaath". He goes back to his buddy who asked "wha appened?" and he says, "She slipped in a Baaath", buddy inquires," Whats a Baaath? He says, "Ow da ell do I know, I ain't Cathlic,"

Answer 6

If it's green and moving, it's biology
If it's smoky and stinks, it's chemistry
If it doesn't work no matter what, it's physics.


I do hope you are not a Physics major.......

Answer 7

What's the definition of vagina? It's the box the penis comes in!

Answer 8

Guess What?

Chicken Butt