My mother's friends (whom I hardly know) keep getting me and my family gifts all the time. My mother insists I write a thank you to them, but I really don't want them to give us gifts anymore. We hardly know them, so they usually get things we don't want. Should I write a thank you or not? If so what should I put in it to tactfully say that the gift was not appropriate - I can't just say we hate knick nacks.
2006-12-04 08:19:48 · 21 answers · asked by tamburello7 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
some additional details I didn't clarify:
these people are people I don't know, I see less than once a year, and are truly MY MOTHER's friends not mine. My mother LOVES these people and is very close to them. I think they give us gifts because they think of us as an extension of her. My mother is probably not going to tell them to stop since she loves them so much and would be MORTIFIED that I even posted this message.
However, I feel bad that these people go to the trouble of buying, (or more often MAKING)gifts for my children, often personalized gifts that we cannot re-gift or sell, that we have no room for or cannot use, or have too many of already. I have already told them previously that they don't have to get us anything, they really shouldn't have, etc, but they keep doing it.
2006-12-04 12:58:50 · update #1
obviously this couple truly cares a lot about your mother and they are doing this because they care about her and who she cares about. even though you are receiving the gifts, the gifts aren't really about you.
why can't you just write a thank you note saying something like:
Dear ________________,
We wanted to thank you again for thinking about our family at Christmas time. It is a great feeling knowing that my mother has such caring and generous friends. Have a wonderful new year.
Sincerely,
Family
Keep it short and sweet. I personally would just donate the gifts to the Salvation Army. Maybe someone with the same name will come across it and love it. Remember, what is one persons trash is another persons treasure.
And, as a last resort just trash it. Not worth causing hard feelings.
Take Care! SD
2006-12-04 15:19:56 · answer #1 · answered by SD 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot ever say that a gift was inappropriate. It's simply rude. You have two approproaches you can use and both will cause some hurt feelings but won't be rude.
(1) Get your mother to tell them to stop sending gifts. Excuse: you have so many knick knacks that you don't need any more.
(2) Send a letter after this holiday stating that you are no longer exchanging holiday gifts. Give some reason such as you're going to focus on making this holiday a family only events etc.
With unwanted gifts, pack them up, donate them to a charity and take a tax deduction. Maybe that will help reduce the annoyance.
2006-12-04 08:30:45 · answer #2 · answered by hawkthree 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it's the thought that counts, but sometimes people just don't think. I am referring to your mother's friends.
I think (my opinion only) that you should write thank you notes for the gifts. They don't have to be wordy, but a thank you is the right thing to do. Perhaps your mom can run interference and tell her friends that although you appreciate their thoughtfulness, you are about "knick-nacked" out.
I bought my mother-in-law a lot of knick-nacks when my husband and I were first married. I didn't know her very well and thought, "why not get knick-nacks?" After a few years she told me what I suggested you tell your mom- she said stop buying them, she didn't have any more room. She really needed the money (and it's true). She,on the other hand, hasn't understood when we tell her to stop buying knick-nacks for us! She buys us a lot of cat stuff. I could go on! Anyway, most of the stuff we get from her ends up at the Goodwill.
Good luck with your "present' situation!
2006-12-04 10:21:56 · answer #3 · answered by Malika 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your point...
I would just suck it up and write the thank you cards because they are only trying to be nice and do a nice thing and it might hurt their feelings. I guess one tactful way to write that you don't want gifts is something like "thank you so much for the gift..I'm just getting too old for all these presents you really don't have to go through all the trouble!!" Maybe that isn't the best...but hey maybe you can make some money off these little nick nacks...what is eBay for, right?
2006-12-04 09:13:48 · answer #4 · answered by Heather 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I I think you should write thank-you notes to her friends. It's the fact that they were thinking about you. They could probably figure out better gifts to give you if you took maybe 15-30 minutes to talk to them when you see them. I don't think it's appropriate to receive gifts and not take out the time to have a conversation with her friends. Although you didn't ask for the gifts, the ball is now in your court...write a joke in the thank-you letter, thank them for the gifts...Also give future suggestions for gifts...Also extend the gesture of returning gifts...It doesn't have to be expensive...It's the fact that you took out time out of your schedule and had your mother's friends on your mind. If they see that you are returning gifts, that may really slow them down on purchasing gifts, because they'll know that you feel it write to return the gesture. And most people say "Oh no you don't have to get me anything". That's when you know they are genuine and not looking for anything in return.
2006-12-04 08:35:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well now aren't we a bit snobbish.... Many would die for a gift from anyone much less an unwanted gift.
Why don't you turn this around and make a Positive out of this. Regift to someone else possibly someone you hardly know or Donate this gift to some church or charity. I seem to remember seeing boxes at some store where one can just drop something in.
In this way you might brighten someone less fortunate than yourself.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year's to your!!!
2006-12-04 08:26:39 · answer #6 · answered by Scott 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Do write a thank you this time, but include that you don't need to recieve more gifts.
Example:
Dear Ruth Ann,
Thank you so much for the beautiful angel statue. I really appreciate that you are thinking of my family and I, and our home at this very special time.
In additon to the beautiful statue that we have recieved, my family and I really appreciate the other beautiful gifts that we have recieved. These gifts are very dear to us, but we do not expect to recieve them in the future. Your generosity is plentiful, and we feel wonderful to have you as a friend. Your friendship is all we need, though. See you this new year!
Mr. and Mrs. Jones.
2006-12-04 11:29:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would thank them for the gift and their thoughtfulness. As already was suggested either give the gifts away or have a garage sale. I might tell them the next year I appreciated their generosity but since I had to limit my gift giving and keep it within my immediate family I'd just as soon they would too as far as I and my family were concerned. I'd just feel better.
2006-12-04 09:32:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it would be rude to say the gift was not appropriate...and the thank you note is just to thank them for the gesture of getting you a gift not for getting you a good one...i would still write the note and next summer hold a yard sale for all those things you don't want and use that money to get something you do want!
2006-12-04 08:25:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean, when my son was born people my mother works with, and her neighbors, sent gifts....some were completely bizarre! I do think it is appropriate to send a note however because they are probably nice people for thinking of you, and you can say, "Thank you for your gift, it was quite thoughtful but it really wasn't necessary". We do appreciate your thoughtfulness.
Good Luck!
2006-12-04 08:22:47 · answer #10 · answered by favrd1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋