This is my first and only child. I hear this is common but it is very upsetting to me and I wonder how he could say such things and say them like he means it!! Has anyone else dealt with teenagers like this and how do I respond to him when he says this?
2006-12-04 07:56:02 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Your response?
"That's ok, I still love you, and you'll have a teenager someday and will understand."
2006-12-04 07:58:50 · answer #1 · answered by Gem 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is acting like a lot of teenagers, and exactly like I did. They are mean, ill-tempered, and I bet if you were to ask them why, they would all say, "I don't know". Mark it up to rebellion, and please keep in mind that he really loves you dearly, and he doesn't mean it when he says those things. One day, when he is in his 20's, he will look at you with those same adoring eyes that he used to have, and tell you that he loves you very much. Be patient. These are the times when they need you the most!!! Good Luck!!!
2006-12-04 16:01:44 · answer #2 · answered by pupcake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's acting absolutely normal. I have 3 teenagers. The best thing for you to do, is not let it get to you. (atleast don't let him know it does).
He is doing this because he gets a rise out of you, or because he knows it is a way to get him attention from you, albiet negative attention. Teens test their parents. And rebellion is part of that. It separates them from you when they are trying to become independent.
Teens act stupid because they try so hard to be independent of you which is their job. Problem is, they are doing it from an inexperienced mind which is still immature. He wants to have his own opinions and ideas. So even when he agrees with you, he will not act like he does, because that is coming back to being dependent rather than independent. That is what rebellion is all about.
GOOD LUCK
2006-12-04 16:07:33 · answer #3 · answered by sheristeele 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's pretty normal.
get the book "systematic training for effective parenting"
you have to be the adult.
if you are upset then he is seeking revenge
(maybe for the punishment)
or maybe he is seeking power.
you cannot control a kid this age.
rethink your expectations.
some disrespect is normal.
also consider joining a parents' support group.
there are techniques to help him take responsibility for his own life instead of rebeling against you.
one more thing, learn to use natural or logical consequences
instead of punishment.
2006-12-04 16:04:34 · answer #4 · answered by Sufi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes just upset and tell him how hard it is for a parent to punish their child but whenever a child does get disrespectful then parents need to put their foot down and lay down the law and tell their children their in charge and the children are not. and if he isnt upset about you punishing him then take his toys away, take his tv privileges away and take his radio,friend privileges away until he says hes sorry. and repects you.
2006-12-04 18:07:31 · answer #5 · answered by mamas_grandmasboy06 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gem has hit the nail on the head! He doesn't mean it, he is just mad, rebelling...etc. He isn't getting his way and this is his way to hurt you, which are his intentions. If he sees that it's not hurting you, then more than likely it will stop. Just reassure him that you love him everytime he states that he hates you! He will more than understand once he has children of his own!
2006-12-04 16:18:02 · answer #6 · answered by Mom to Foster Children 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is saying those things because he knows it upsets you; he's just being a kid.
Ignore it.
When he is calm and the problem has long passed, talk to him and let him know that it is not ok to tell someone that you hate them just because you are mad.
2006-12-04 19:33:50 · answer #7 · answered by zkiwi2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We are all in the same boat her, I just say I LOVE YOU.
It is so hard not to get caught up in the fighting and sometimes I think he WANTS to pick a fight with me just to see where it will go, sometimes I just say I DO NOT WANT TO FIGHT WITH YOU and try to change the subject.
Teens are nutty cuckoo hormonal, it will be over in a few years!
2006-12-04 16:05:45 · answer #8 · answered by Chloe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue to discipline and teach...it is your "job" as a parent. Every time he says he hates you (and I know this is difficult to hear)...look him straight in the eye and tell him that you love him regardless of how he feels about you.
2006-12-04 16:03:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is just what teenagers do. It doesn't mean that it's right, but it's just the way it is. Just tell him that your job is to be is his parent, not his friend.
2006-12-04 16:05:23 · answer #10 · answered by Julie F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, hopefully it isn't too late(I doubt it), but stop punishing him NOW! Punishment, in order to work, must cause PAIN, FRUSTRATION, and RESENTMENT. If you have tried to use punishment(time outs, shaming, spankings, taking away valuables,etc) his whole life to get things your way, you are seeing the culminated result now.
Punishment does not make anyone "think about what they have done", it just ticks them off. Mainly, punishing people makes them want to seek revenge on the punisher. Think abou the last time you were punished for something that you don't think warranted it(people NEVER believe they DESERVE to be intentionally hurt-unless they have been intentionally hurt all their lives and have come to accept pain due to low self-esteem).
If he tells you he hates you, BELIEVE him! He probably doesn't really HATE you, like you are thinking, but believe what he FEELS. What do you define as disrespect? A teenager, like a toddler, MUST seperate themselves from you. It is a developmental stage, like crawling and walking, and ALL people must grow through this stage in order to become healthy SELF-confident people. It is a difficult time, but you voluteered for the job-don't give up.
Stop arguing with him, and listen to him. Ask him why he hates you, believe what he says, empathize with him(put yourself in his shoes), and change your approach to him. Stop demanding that he do things, and talk to him like you would anyone else. Stop trying to figure out how to DEAL with him, and learn to RELATE to him. Your relationship with your son is the BEST and only true disciplinary method that you have that will actually work. If you have good sense yourself, trust that he has been taking note. Don't think, wrongly, that things that you may consider to be "little" divorce, spankings, not trusting him, talking down to him, troubles in school, punishments, are little in his mind. Trust that these things are all HUGE to him, and if you haven't empathized and visibly hurt with him about how these things have hurt him and his life, it's time to do that now. Apologize to him for how you have made him FEEL, even if you didn't do it on purpose. If your spouse constantly ignored you for football for years, and you felt neglected, eventhough he didn't know-once he found out how you felt, would you not want him to apologize for how he made you feel, or would you want him to say,"well, I like to watch football, stop acting like a little baby!"
Trust your son, and yourself. Let him know that you trust him, AND HIS JUDGEMENT, HIS OPINIONS, HIS BELIEFS, eventhough you may not always agree(which is not desirable anyway). Adults go wrong in that they talk too much, and don't listen enough. Stop trying to be a guru in your child's life, and be a helpful guide(when he ask). If you think he is doing something dangerous, step in to PROTECT, otherwise, step out and RESPECT who your child is(don't give unsolicited advice implying that he isn't smart enough to think without you, don't boss him around expecting him to do everything you request,etc). In turn, he will respect you and you'll both be the better for it.
2006-12-04 16:41:53 · answer #11 · answered by chicalinda 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋