For many reasons, I absolutely despise my fiance's parents and paternal grandparents. They have done so many things to hurt us and my side of the family that I feel they are no longer worth my time or effort. My fiance doesn't want anything to do with his grandparents, but he says he still feels a need to have a relationship with his mom and dad. Personally, I will never forgive any of them for the things they have done, but I don't know how to feel about my fiance speaking to them. Whenever he does this it feels like he's betraying me, but I keep in mind that they are his parents, and for some reason he wants to maintain a relationship with them despite their faults. I try to be understanding because he tries to get along with my parents, but it's like they're getting away with the things they have done to us. I don't know how I should act around them, or how I should deal with this anger toward them. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thank you in advance for your responses.
2006-12-04 07:47:52 · 7 answers · asked by Persephone 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Ignore them. They are not worth the time and effort you are putting into disliking them. Hold your head high and remember that your man loves you, and will spend his life with you. This is also the best way to get to them.
2006-12-04 07:50:39 · answer #1 · answered by lee911 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I have been in similar situations. Some of my family have, at times, been insulting to her, and the same it true from her family and me. It is something we have fought over many times, and I know there is no easy solution.
I am of the school of thought that family is family and you should always respect that. I think it is correct for your fiance to maintain contact with his parents, even if they have crossed the line in the past. Part of being married is accepting each other's family. That does not mean that you should think they are great people, but you should respect them and be polite. If they are not respectful or polite in return, at least you know you are the better person for it. In my experience, big fights or people refusing to talk to or see each other does nothing to make life better.
2006-12-04 08:01:44 · answer #2 · answered by Wundt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be nice to them and then when you do that it will irritate them so much that they will be so much more NICER. If they keep on hurting you and your fiance he is not worth the while, especially if his parents dont like you. If hes a parents boy he will go by what his parents say about you and call the engagment OFF.
2006-12-04 08:12:25 · answer #3 · answered by chrissie 10 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try for your fiance's sake, at least act civil towards them. remember they had him first, and it's his loyalty to them, that's bonding him to them. i understand the betrayral feeling. but, if you can, forget (and, i know that's hard to do) what they have already done, be yourself around them and show your fiance that you are really trying for his sake. maybe, they'll make a change, BUT, if and when his parents do something to hurt or discount your feelings, then confront your guy and tell him how hard you have tried and it just can't work because THEY won't let it. tell him we are just beginning our life together and you don't want them ruining it, and these ill feelings will, so, if they can't change their ways you don't want anything to do with them. tell him you understand his needs, if he feels he wants to be in contact with them, but he'll have to go without you. you've tried time and time again and you are the one getting hurt. tell him you don't want him to be angry with you for this choice, but his parents have left you no other decision. i hope he understands your feelings if you decide this is a right choice for you. good luck.
2006-12-04 08:28:01 · answer #4 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off your right they are his parents and he has every right to maintain a relationship with them regardless of your feelings about it. Secondly if you "hate" them as much as you claim do not spend time around them its that simple. Your future husband also needs to inform his family to stop interfering with your relationship otherwise they will continue to do so until the day they die
2006-12-04 07:53:15 · answer #5 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to let your future hubby work out his family problems and try to be supportive but don't dictate for him how to handle them. You are right to respect the fact that they are his parents and he wants a relationship with them. I think all families have "drama". It would be a good idea for you and your future hubby to get premarital counseling and discuss how to handle these situations with a professional
2006-12-04 07:52:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As you mention, they are HIS parents. So if he chooses to continue to have contact with them, that is his choice. However, knowing how you feel about them, he should not subject you to their abuse and be understanding if you refuse to go with him when he sees them.
You don't state what the reasons are for your feelings, but if your husband agrees, he can simply make excuses (if necessary) for you not being there. You should respect your husbands desire to stay in contact with them, but he should respect your feelings and not force you to be in a situation in which you find yourself uncomfortable.
2006-12-04 08:10:22 · answer #7 · answered by tipper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋