I just started dating an awesome guy ("Mike") about a month ago. Last night, my ex, "Tom" (who is now my friend, seriously) came over and hung out for a while. I didn't think about it until now...but I am sure Mike is going to ask me what I was up to last night. I want to be honest, since I plan to continue to hang out w/Tom - it's maybe a once-a-month thing. But then again, I'm not sure how Mike would react.
So I guess my questions are - 1) should I tell the Mike (if he asks) that Tom is my friend - and my ex - or just leave it at "my friend" until the point when Mike and I get more serious, if that happens?and 2) guys, how do you feel about your g/f's hanging out with their ex's?
2006-12-04 07:46:11 · 25 answers · asked by M K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
See - that's the reaction I was afraid of. I am NOT dating 2 guys at once, and I do NOT want Tom back. We're friends. In mature relationships that actually happens....so mature answers please??
2006-12-04 07:49:42 · update #1
I think you should be completely honest with Mike. If you are not doing anything you aren't supposed to be doing, then you are fine. If he has a problem with it, talk about it. At least you did your part and never told a white lie.
I would never have a problem with someone that I was dating hanging out with their ex. I would not be in a relationship with someone that I did not trust.
2006-12-04 07:49:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell Mike about your ex. Don't let him find out in another way because then he will be suspicious. Be honest. I am so sure that Mike has ex's too and some are his friends. Be the better person and be honest with him. Start off this relationship right. If he does get upset, ask him why? Ask him if he has female friends? I think the worse thing we do in relationship is guess or assume how the other will feel and we are not open enough. Before you tell him about Tom, make sure you let him know how you feel about him and how important this relationship is to you and that's why you want to be honest.
Good Luck.
2006-12-04 07:51:10 · answer #2 · answered by megabites42 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you were hanging out at home with a friend. There's no law that says you have to tell him about the whole "he ws my ex" thing, unless he asks. Maybe Tom and Mike could meet, so you won't have to feel bad about hanging out with Tom. My husband could hang out with whoever he wants to. He's a big boy, and knows right from wrong.
2006-12-04 07:50:19 · answer #3 · answered by tinkerbell24 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should definitely tell him you have a history with this other guy. If you don't, he will probably be upset that you weren't honest and up front. If he's into you, he should be fine with the two of you hanging out, maybe you should try all three of you getting together. Now, if the relationship was consumated, that makes it a different story. I would have a fit if my wife was hanging out with some dude she used to sleep with. Sorry, that's the truth of the matter. Would you be ok with him hanging with an ex?
2006-12-04 07:52:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell mike that you hung out with tom. if you and tom are really only friends then you should have no problem telling mike that you hang out sometimes. i really think that if mike freaks out then he doesn't trust you.
my boyfriend right now knows i hang out with my ex cause he is one of my best friends and we talk all the time, and my boyfriend is okay with it because he trusts me. mike should feel the same. tom is just a friend and he should be okay with that. just becasue you went out before doesn't mean there are any feels for each other now.
2006-12-04 08:00:52 · answer #5 · answered by KiLLERashley 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell Mike the truth. Do you really want to go into this new relationship with a lie? The truth would eventually come out anyway.
Honesty is the best policy!
2006-12-04 07:48:42 · answer #6 · answered by Wendy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see a problem, telling Mike that you 1. hang out with a friend and 2. that he happens to be your ex. ... it's not like you're still sleeping with your ex.
I wouldn't pressure them to hang out together though.
Once you get more serious with mike he'll probably let you know if he feels uncomfortable with it and then you can decide if he's worth giving up seeing your ex.
2006-12-04 07:53:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should always be honest especially if you really care about your boyfriend. How do you think he would feel if he found out a month or 2 from now that you have been hanging out with your ex, even as just friends, he would be hurt and feel as though you lied to him about it. How would you feel if he was hanging out with an old girlfriend?
2006-12-04 07:52:53 · answer #8 · answered by tinytinkbell 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For now.. just friends is good. If you and Mike get serious, he may want to know more about your friend Tom.. Be prepared to tell him.
2006-12-04 07:49:52 · answer #9 · answered by notfreeinnh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you plan to be in this relationship for ANY length of time with Mike, Be Honest and upfront.
Don't wait for him to ask, Tell him on your own.
You can't build a good relationship by starting it out with lies or even half truths.
2006-12-04 07:51:40 · answer #10 · answered by mistique1818 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋