my now x-inlaws are wanting me to come to their Christmas dinner. I wasn't exactly accepted when my husband was a live, and emotionally I just don't know if I can handle the holier than thou attitudes of some of the individuals who will be there. I know the decision is mine to make, but maybe if there were some suggestions concerning coping with this situation, I might be more inclined to go. Any ideas?
2006-12-04 06:52:32 · 11 answers · asked by herenthere 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
No Children
2006-12-04 07:09:46 · update #1
I think that you should be where you are comfortable.
2006-12-04 07:09:20 · answer #1 · answered by Bruce 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well it seems that they are still your in-laws, that doesn't change just because your husband is no longer alive.
And obviously you have negative feelings about them that won't immediately change either. Are there other alternatives for you during this time? Alone and depressed is more hazardous than being in miserable company, and if it means being alone, I don't recommend skipping the dinner.
As for coping:
Hang around the TV and watch the endless stream of football games, movies playstation or whatever . You want to avoid too much conversation and confrontation. Don't drink alcohol before or during. You want to keep your self control intact. Be hungry when you get there so they can't completely ruin your appetite, and you won't offend your hosts by not eating.
If you have other alternatives, then skip the dinner by all means. However, consider the option of finding less high tension and high profile ways of mending the relationships. After all, you have memories in common. Maybe even children in common or other relationships too.
Make plans to get together with one or two in-laws that you consider to be the best of the bunch (after the holidays). Buy or make dinner, a light lunch, or a snack. You control the time place and agenda and you'll feel better about it.
Establish your own relationships with some of them in 2007, and maybe you'll feel better about the prospect of next year's dinner.
For this year, if you have a safe healthy alternative use it.
That's all I could come up with, having limited info about the particulars. Hope this helps. Good luck and God bless you.
2006-12-04 15:46:23 · answer #2 · answered by Eric O 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are leaving out some information. Do you have children?
If not -- the answer is easy. Just say you are having Christimas with your family (or friends) -- or even just say No.
On the other hand, if you have kids, then they will want to see their grandchildren, and your kids should still be involved with their grandparents. That doesn't mean that you have to have dinner with them -- but it would be nice for them and for your kids if they could spend some time together during the holidays.
2006-12-04 15:07:02 · answer #3 · answered by Ranto 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it were me, I would be making some other plans. Even if I had to spend the holiday alone (when I was single, I often did). I cannot tolerate "holier than thou" relatives.
2006-12-04 15:30:42 · answer #4 · answered by Brigid O' Somebody 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ah if you dont bond with em than what for really. However if you at least enjoy the company of a few people there I would go. My something to take the edge off.
Xanax / vicodin stocking stuffers
2006-12-04 15:05:11 · answer #5 · answered by Labatt113 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry I wouldn't want to incline you to go. Why would you want to spend time that is supposed to be merry and happy with people who make you anything but?
2006-12-04 14:56:09 · answer #6 · answered by bensbabe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it won't be a friendly affair, skip it. Life is too short to eat dinner angry.
2006-12-04 14:57:57 · answer #7 · answered by Brian 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay away. They really don't want you to go but, they think they will try to be nice so if you have somewhere else to go, go there.
2006-12-04 15:02:53 · answer #8 · answered by Midge 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it makes you happy by making them happy, then do the happiest thing!
2006-12-04 14:55:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why go to ANY dinner with people you don't like, and who don't like you for who you are? especially cult freaks who think they're better than you?
2006-12-04 14:55:33 · answer #10 · answered by jen1981everett 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Pray with your heart that God can show you the way
2006-12-04 14:57:15 · answer #11 · answered by walking s 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋