my fiance and i set or date for our wedding about a yr ago but didn't feel as if we had to announce it yet. We set it for 06/26/08
my sister however told me on the phone 5 months ago about her date which is 06/27/08...two days before mine. I felt like because i didn't announce mine first she won that date. I know she is going to be mad because they are soo close and she might be on her honeymoon on my wedding. Now my fiance suprised me with a bigger engagment ring and asked me if we could keep our date. I really want to but my sister will be so mad. I don't want to plan my life around others but she is my immediate family. Do you think if i kept my date she has the right to be totally mad at me for it? We are pretty close.
2006-12-04 06:32:51 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Since your wedding isn't until 2008, you can definitely change the date and I would do so. Why not have it in 2007 and get married an entire year before she does?
2006-12-04 06:36:40 · answer #1 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since she announced her date before you did, she has "dibs" on that weekend. Petty and silly, but how else do you plan things? I would totally understand her being mad about you choosing "her" weekend.
If you are going to insist on keeping your date, you need to first sit down with her and talk about this. Maybe you could get creative here - you could do a "wedding weekend" and try to share the expenses. If a double wedding doesn't work for you, what about one of you getting married at 10am, the other at 2pm, and have a huge blow-out joint reception for everyone?
(As a side note, don't let the bigger ring bully you into anything. An engagement ring is supposed to be a gift of love, not a bargaining token.)
2006-12-04 15:57:42 · answer #2 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your fiance is not flexible enought to set another date then you may have insight that is a future problem for you. If, however, that date has a special meaning then it becomes intractable. The bigger engagement ring troubles me. Is he all about show and bravado? Your sister takes second place to your future husband, please remember that.
If your sister is not flexible enough to set another date if yours has special meaning then she is a spoiled brat who isn't going to be "one upped" by you. She can be mad at a lamppost for all you should care. If that is what makes her mad then you are not close and therefore you have nothing to be concerned about.
If you do anything to suggest to your future husband that your "immediate" family comes first then he should move on and get out when he can. Once married he comes first. If you have children then they come first. Mom and dad come third and siblings come fourth. If you are tied to mommy and daddy and sister then he needs to run - fast. There is nothing worse and nothing more destructive to a marriage then a husband or wife who do not emotionally leave home when they get married.
This is a very simple matter to handle. Adults compromise, they don't play silly games like, "I was first. You change." Then the other says, "No, I'm not changing. You always get what you want. If you don't change then I'm not coming to your wedding." So be it. Get on with married life.
2006-12-04 14:58:31 · answer #3 · answered by ALWAYS GOTTA KNOW 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a lot of people coming from out of town? I know as a guest who had to travel I'd rather go to two weddings days apart than have to make arrangements for two seperate trips. Is there some way you could combine things into a great wedding extravaganza weekend? Just think you might be able to get lots of discounts if you are booking things like photographers and halls and caterers together. Try selling her on what a great idea it would be to get married so close together. I think it would be a great idea for the both of you...and just think you'd only have to put up with your mother getting the wedding crazies once....:0)
Good luck
2006-12-04 16:29:21 · answer #4 · answered by cookie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot can happen in the time you have between now and June 2008. Either you or your sister's circumstances can change.
Why don't you have a double ceremony? Get married on the same day, share the cost of reception... etc. It would be a lot easier on your parents and all the common friends and relatives you have to make one trip for a really big party.
2006-12-04 15:44:35 · answer #5 · answered by knittinmama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I need to ask ,did he buy the bigger ring before or after you changed the date . second why the big secret., you do know people have to make plans ahead of time, you know to save money, get time off ,buy an outfit , and so much more.As far as the ring goes if he isn't trying to bribe you emotionally, then the ring has no Bering on the date, Right!Next if you are planning to elope ,what difference dose it make when you do it.If you don't plan to elope , you should change the date and make your announcement. That everyone is prepared,and not blindsided.
2006-12-04 14:59:07 · answer #6 · answered by shelly 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The two couples need to sit down with all the sets of parents on both sides and figure this out. It is not fair for your families to have two weddings of siblings close together. They should be at least three or four months apart. Fix it NOW!
2006-12-04 17:10:57 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what would be even better?? Have a double wedding!!! It is not very common, but it can be, and has been, done. Especially if you and your sister are close, what better way to celebrate both events with all of your family?!?! This way you won't have to compromise on a date AND your family won't have to plan for 2 different wedding dates in the same year...
2006-12-04 15:00:01 · answer #8 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't worry about making your sister mad. But think of all the guests who will have to go to both weddings and buy two sets of presents so close together. That's a lot of strain to put on people you care about.
If I were you, I'd do all I can to spread those dates out a bit more.
2006-12-04 14:46:09 · answer #9 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that. This is what we did. We wanted 7/31/04, which would've been our two year anniversary of meeting. His sister announced at Thansgiving '02 that she was getting married sometime in August of '04. (they dated for like 7 years by the time they actually got married) We tried to say something, but they kept cutting us off (you know, us "silly people" who just met in July couldn't possibly be thinking about getting married) well, when they "offically anounced" (and changed their date about 10 times) in December that they were engaged, we moved ours to Aug of '03. They got married two days before our first anniversary.
2006-12-04 16:58:03 · answer #10 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋