What do you think of parents who allow their 17-year-old to date a 21-year-old?

Question

It's not like I care. They love the person I hear.

Answer 1

I think it completely depends on the situation. My sister was 17 when she met her husband. He was 25 and worked for our Dad. They spent time together working in our family business and became friends. Eventually, after she turned 18, they began dating and they just celebrated their 15 wedding anniversary this year. My parents were smart about it, and my brother-in-law is a great guy. They knew he could be trusted. If the parents you are talking about can honestly trust the guy and know that he is upstanding and decent, then I wouldn't think it would be a problem. I mean would it sound so bad in another year when she is 18 and he is 22? I don't think so, it's only a 4 year difference, my husband is 4 years older than me.

Answer 2

Very short sighted of the parents.

Their 17 year old has instant access to alcohol (and who knows what else) and a ready made drunk driver to get her there.

My parents let me date a guy 4 years older than I, I ended up pregnant, not a great start to life. If it's ok with her parents and they "love the person" they obviously have no qualms about their child growing up too fast.

That's too bad and even though my daughter is only 18 months, no WAY will she be dating a 21 year old, no freakin way. I even threw a fit when my 19 year old was dating a nearly 16 year old. Two different ages, two completely different sets of goals and simply not a good idea. I even begged the mother to pull the plug, but she "loved my son". Thank god it only lasted a couple months, and I'm sure my disapproval had something to do with the breakup. Whether it did or didn't I'm happy.

Answer 3

Honestly, at 17 this person is nearly an adult. If it were my child, I'd be purposely trying to cut the strings a little and let them live their own life.

The only reason I see for interfering is if it's getting the 17-year-old into trouble. Like if people are threatening to tell the police, they're getting into dangerous things, or the 21-year-old has a criminal record or seems unstable. In most states nobody will be arrested for a relationship between people of those ages, simply because the younger one will be an adult in a few months anyway, even though in a few it is technically illegal (the ones that have provisions about how far apart in age is okay when one is underage and the other is not).

I wouldn't think anything either way, unless it was maybe that it's good the parents are letting this person be with someone they love. As long as they're still making sure he/she is responsible and mature.

Answer 4

I think the situation probably has more to it than that. My fiance and I have only one year less in our age gap and my parents never had a problem with it. The question is is he a nice upstanding 21 year old or a lecherous using 21 year old. Every situation is more than just the numbers. You also have to factor that when she was a freshman in high school he would have been a senior...so it's not exactly robbing the cradle...the problem only arose when they got one year older and he broke the 18 barrier. I don't really think it's that cut and dried.

Answer 5

I don't think I would want my daughter to date anyone who is four years older than her until she herself is at least 21. There is just too many differences in that age gap. For one, HE should be more mature than her and wanting to do adult things while the seventeen year old main concerns should be high school and what to do when that is over.

I wouldn't think less of the parent, but at the same time I would be concerned about their judgment. It could be a possibility that they have known the young man for quite awhile, and they are friends with his parents as well. I just don't think I would allow my daughter to be in the same scenario.

Answer 6

You obviously don't understand the mind of a 17 year old girl. She wants freedom. She will be legal next year. And she believes she is mature enough to handle just about anything.

She isn't trying to be disobedient to her parents, but if they tell her she can't do something, then that becomes the next challenge she needs to conquer.

I imagine that her parents have told her that they'd prefer she not date him, but she needs to decide on her own. Dating someone who's almost 25% older than you is living dangerously. I also imagine that her parents have told her that they will watch this relationship with much more scrutiny than normal.

Answer 7

Depends on the kids. If they are smart kids, responsible, then no problem. If it appears that the older one is taking advantage of younger one, then there is a problem. This is no hard and fast rule for these things.

I know from personal experience that such a relationship can be hard, I dated some who was 18 when I was 22. She was still trying to 'find' herself while I was ready ready to get started on life. Four years feels like so much when you are young, and nothing once you get into the late 20's.

Answer 8

In the state of Texas the law is really messed up, an adult can legally date a seventeen year old. Parents also can't report a seventeen year old as a runaway, but are still responsible for their actions. But as for a seventeen year old dating a twenty-one year old they're going to do what they want regardless and if you fight it there is just going to be rebellion.

Answer 9

I don't think its a good idea. But the 17 yearold has just a year till they are legal. IF the parents feel that there son or daughter is mature enough for a relationship like this then i say why stop them.

Answer 10

Well, here in Illinois a 17 year old girl is considered an adult. So therefore I guess the parents have no say. But as for me, I would not like it if my daughter did that, but I would not stop her. She will make her own mistakes and learn from them.