he seems to be a nice guy, they have been together for over ten years, he's generous and has helped us out money wise, however he is kind of strange and he hugs them strangely, my two daughters are 15 and 10 and the way he fools around with them, makes us feel uncomfortable. they know enough not to let him do anything but they sometime stay overnite with them and i'm not sure how to put and end to this without totally offending or pissing someone off. i'm not even sure how to bring this up to them. what would you do?
2006-12-04 06:07:11 · 12 answers · asked by vebyllucs 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well as a parents if you even think for one moment that what you are saying is true you have a duty to stop it. And protect your children because no matter what they know, they are after all just children. I would have your spouse tell their sister what the two of you feel and be straight forward, there might just be some huge misconception that needs to be cleared up right now. If your sister-in-law gets pissed and defensive just explain that there are actions you are uncomfortable with and if he would not do them that everything would be fine. You can not let your children around him if you suspect that he might be capable of hurting them.
2006-12-04 06:13:02 · answer #1 · answered by Dizzy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop the overnight visits immediately. If you have any concerns at all, this would just make it worse. I had a "funny uncle" when I was a girl and my mom warned me to be careful around him. He always gave long hugs and wet kisses and made me feel very slimy around him. There's nothing you can say to either your sister-in-law or the boyfriend to stop this behavior. He probably isn't even aware that he comes across that way. If he's known these girls since they were small, then he just doesn't know how to act towards them now that they're getting more mature. If you say anything at all to your sister -in- law you'll probably hurt her feelings and ruin your relationship with her. Limit the time the girls spend around him and if you feel he's getting more "feely" with the girls give them permission to let him know in no uncertain terms to "knock it off" or they'll let their dad know what's going on. That should make him think twice before he takes it any further. Seduction of children is a slow process, sometimes taking years before a girl gets trapped in the cycle of abuse. Don't let it happen to your girls!
2006-12-04 06:17:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If all you have to go on is that he gives hugs in a weird way, I'm not sure that's enough to take any action. I guess I'd just have a very "in general" reminder talk with your girls about the dangers of child predators, what signs to look for, why it's important to immediately tell a parent, etc. Do this maybe a week or so before the next time they visit, so it won't look like you were talking about the boyfriend. Then just monitor the situation.
2006-12-04 06:11:39 · answer #3 · answered by I hate friggin' crybabies 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop the overnights onn the basis that they are not married and you don't want your daughters to think it is okay to be in a house with unmarrieds living together. Let your sister know that you are uncomfortable with the way her boyfriend is around your daughters. If you can, talk to both of them together and explain that your daughters are at a sensitive age where they are easily influenced.
2006-12-04 06:29:07 · answer #4 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not say anything to your sister-in-law that could cause hard feelings, just change your policy about the kids staying overnight, don't let them be in situations where things could get uncomfortable. Protect your children without offending the others involved.
2006-12-04 06:11:20 · answer #5 · answered by smartypants909 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your instinct. Hopefully nothing has happened with your girls. Pediphilles sometimes threaten the victims family in order to keep them quiet. Watch your daughters reaction the next time they are invited over and you tell them they can't spend the night. Would they seem relieved or upset they can't go?
2006-12-04 06:20:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you asked your girls if any thing has gone on over there? if you feel this uncomfortable about sending them there and think something may happen, then don't allow them to spend the night any more.i know your sister is going to ask you why sooner or later and to be honest your going to have to tell her.
2006-12-04 06:13:29 · answer #7 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to bring this up would cause a war esp. if you are interpreting wrongly.
I suspect your gut is right, and would just keep your family away from theres.
that may be easier said then done, but do you really want the other?
2006-12-04 06:13:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there really a need for them to spend the nite? AND an excellent reason for them NOT to, is that they're NOT Married.
Gently put your foot down, MOM.
2006-12-04 06:27:00 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say anything. Just keep an eye on him. Maybe you are misunderstanding him. It would be a shame to cause family troubles for nothing.
2006-12-04 06:25:49 · answer #10 · answered by bad_bob_69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋