My son is 3 and has very disruptive behavior at his preschool.?

Question

I have had to pick him up from preschool at least twice a week for hitting and kicking. His preschool is fed up, bout to kick him out. He doesnt do this at home as much as at school. I have tried stricter rules, and disiplinary actions. Nothing seems to work. I have spanked his bottom, took all his toys away, grounded to his room, no tv, sent to bed eairly. He doesnt seem to even understand what he is doing wrong, or what he is in trouble for. Is it something I am not doing right, or wrong? I have been so stressed out over this, cause everything I do seems like one step forward and two steps back.

Answer 1

First off, he's not ADD or ADHD. Every time someone's kid acts up the parents use the excuse "He's ADD" instead of handling it how it needs to be handled.

You've mentioned the disciplinary actions you've taken with him, and you've mentioned a numerous amount. I think what you should do is pick one and stick with it. Out of the ones you've listed, I'd choose spanking. If he's going to hurt others, then he's gonna get a taste of his own medicine each time he does it.

Ask his preschool teacher to call you immediately if he hurts another student. When you receive the call, go out to his preschool and take him out of the classroom and spank him. Sit him down and explain to him that if he hurts another student again, then you are going to come right back out to his school and he's going to be spanked again. He needs to know that "when I do this, I get this" so that when the time comes that he feels like hurting someone he can think about what will happen to him after that.

It takes patience and consistancy and if you have those things it will work out great. God bless :-)

Answer 2

Maybe he's not ready for such a structured environment. It's only in the last ten to twenty years that little boys were all designated as behavior problems, and that's about when kids started going away from the home so young to daycare or preschool.

Your little boy may need to grow up more, at home, with you. You should not feel like you are a failure. Try to find some older books on child behavior that don't stress putting young children into structured social/learning situations.

Using the methods of punishment you outlined, is too much for a three year old. Threes have a short attention span. Obvious they learn a lot as threes. What is he learning in this situation?

If you must send him to preschool, find someplace where the emphasis isn't on sitting and doing focused work, but where there is a lot of movement and activities involving movement, singing and playing physically.

Don't force him into something he's not ready for.

Answer 3

Go out and buy the book "The Strong Willed Child". I have a 5 year old and have had some of the same problems. This book helped me a lot. The writer is a Christian and he tells it like it is. His name is James Dobson. He also has a book about discipline and raising boys. He has raised kids so is not a freak and doesn't know what he is talking about. Some punishment is spanking but gives some other ideas. Try it.

Answer 4

Around the age of 2, I began to notice that my son was a bit more disruptive,and rebelious compared to other children. He is now 11. I always thought he may have ADHD, but never got it checked out because I was against putting my son on medication. Finally after years of struggling in school, with low grades, and disruptive behavior, I gave in and had him checked out for ADHD. At the age of 10 we began medication, cause he did indeed have this. The medication really did help him to calm down, focus, and did raise his grades a bit. But I waited a long time to do this, so he had many years of bad behavior, lack of concentration, poor study skills, and no organizational skills. I believe very strongly that if I would have addressed this issue with him at a young age, he would not have developed all these negative issues. The longer you wait to get him help the harder it will be for him in the future. I can't stress enough for you to try to get him diagnosed while he is young. If he doesn't have it great, but if he does, you need to deal with it. The medications now are much better than they were in the past. One more sugestion. If you can get him involved in a church group for children, It would also help tremendously. If children are raised with the desire to serve the Lord, and to please him, then they will want to make better choices in life. They will choose to make him happy, and in return it makes us happy. There is nothing greater than seeing a child happy to know that he made the Lord along with his parents happy. It's an awesome feeling. I wish you the best of luck. I know it's not easy. I don't know you, but you'll be in my prayers, along with your son.

Answer 5

Have you tried talking to your son and asking him why he hits and kicks? Maybe there is something upsetting him that he can't verbalise. He *is* only three. It sounds a lot like he's acting out because of some emotional or possibly physical upset (like an illness) that he can't put words to! Talk with his pediatrician and maybe they can point you in the right direction.

Hugs sometimes work better than spankings to get the real story from a small child...

Answer 6

my dear some times the kids problem can be psychological. kids are like blank paper you can write any thing on them. He is a child so u have to be 3 years old when you talk to him so u can understand what he is passing through. i suggest, instead of spanking him, tell him how good he is,he is acting this way may be because he thinks he is missing some thing than other kids. i teach kids on his age and littel up. i noticed they listen when you tell them in a positive way, what i mean is, instead of telling him he is wrong and you tired of him, tell him that may be the others students are not acting writewith him but he has to be peasant with them, tell him you proud on him on his other stuffs. Invite his friends over your house so he can learn to spend time with his them. Am saying much, just be an example to him, make sure not to criticize your friends or any other person in front of him.

Answer 7

You need to take a day and observe him at school to try to determine the cause. I would also try discussing the problem with him ask him why he hits people at school and what they did to him children will respond to you better if you talk to them about the problem instead of going to punishment especially since you said he seem to not know what he is being punished for. Also make sure he understand if someone makes him mad he should tell the teacher instead of trying to hit the person who made him mad

Answer 8

What do you mean he doesn't do it at much at home? You allow him to act this way at home??? It should not be tollerated at all especially at home!! The punishments you are using are to advanced for a 3 yr old! Every time he kicks or hits you should tell him that behavior is not ever acceptable and put him on a naughty spot. Explain why he is there. Leave him there 3 mins. and then make him say he is sorry. Keep putting him back on the spot til he stays 3 mins. You have to do this EVERY SINGLE TIME HE ACTS THIS WAY!! Oh and by the way, You can't spank a child for hitting and kicking and expect it to work, you are hitting him!!! Fastest way to confuse a child!!

Answer 9

Sounds like the problem is the pre-school. Have you spent much time there observing your son?

You can't discipline a 3 year old at night for something that happened during the day (especially something that you don't know the full circumstances about). Spend some time at the school just watching your son and the way the other children and teachers interact with him. Listen carefully to what goes on, but don't interfere (be a fly on the wall as best you can).

Also, reconsider spanking. How can you teach someone that hitting or hurting is wrong by hitting or hurting them?

Answer 10

He can’t be punished at home for something he did at school. Children at this age live in the moment. Once that moment has passes, he forgets. It makes no sense to him why he is punished and will not work to stop these behaviors.

This is a school issue. It needs to be dealt with at school. Take a day to go and observe him at school. When he is aggressive, watch how his teachers respond. If they are putting him in time outs, it won’t stop the aggressive behaviors because time outs are a way for them to control him, not a way for him to learn self control. They need to do some problem solving with him for these behaviors to stop. If they are not doing this, try and model this for them. For example, when he is aggressive toward another child, rush to that child and empathize. “Ouch! That must have hurt! You must feel so (angry, upset, hurt, mad). Let’s go and get (some ice, a Band-Aid) for that.” Shut your son out. He will not like getting no attention for being aggressive. I would also have the “victim” express their feelings to him. “I don’t like when you hurt me! I won’t play with you if you are going to hurt me.” It is a very powerful message when coming from another child. You may also, when he is aggressive, remove him from the other children where he can still see them, but not be near them. Say to him “When you are ready to be gentle then you can go back to play.” Again, not a time out. He returns when he is ready to control himself. You may also want to have some of his peers over for play dates and try these techniques at home to reinforce them.

Empathize with you son after and aggressive incident. “You must have felt so (frustrated, mad, angry, hurt) when you (hit, kicked) “John.” What can you do about that next time instead of hurting?” You will be able to learn what behaviors cause him to become aggressive and you can help him to problem solve so he can learn what to do instead of hurting. Do some role playing. He will learn how to better express himself and how to deal with a situation when he is angry.

Children will resort to aggression when they are feeing powerless and trying to gain attention. Help him to achieve this by saying things like “You did that by yourself! You can run super fast! Look how high you can climb! You were so gentle with that! Look how many colors you used in you painting!” Intrinsic motivators such as these are much more affective than extrinsic rewards (“Good job!”, stickers, treats). These phrases are great ways to boost self esteem, show attention, and help children to feel powerful in a positive way.

I would continue to be on call with his preschool. Stay close by. Have his teachers call you immediately after an aggressive incident. Go and pick him up. Take him home, or on errands and make sure you keep it really boring. Don’t show your anger. He gets no special treats, and no special attention from you. If he enjoys his school, he will learn it is much more fun to be gentle. Hope this helps! Good luck to you!