December 6th would have been my fiance's son's birthday. He passed away in 1999 from cancer. I was thinking of putting something on his tombstone. Him, his ex-wife, and their son are meeting at the cemetary to put flowers on the grave.
I want to acknowledge this day somehow..any ideas? Would it be tacky of me to place something at his gravesite? Should I maybe just give my man a card? Your thoughts - thanks in advance.
2006-12-04 05:29:57 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Support your man-give him flowers, etc, something to acknowledge that you know how hard it is for him on this day. But, do not intrude-this was pre-you and very much between him and his former family. Be respectful of their loss.
It's one thing to celebrate the current sons birthday together-he's in the present. But the son who passed away has nothing to do with you, unless you are an old family friend, them most definitely stay away.
2006-12-04 05:58:53 · answer #1 · answered by hoodoowoman 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, it would not be tacky to place something on his gravesite. Are you going with your fiance' to the gravesite? If you are, I don't think it would be tacky, but the "mom" may feel some sense of jealousy, so maybe in that case I'd just give your fiance' a card simply letting him know you love him and support him.
You are obviously a very thoughtful person who cares about your man. May God Bless you.
2006-12-04 13:33:41 · answer #2 · answered by favrd1 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be included at the gravesite when they are putting flowers at the grave; after all, it has been years since this happened, and you are his fiance. I don't think you should accept being shut out! It sounds like ex is still very bitter and controlling; are you sure you want to be with a man who falls for that?
2006-12-04 13:34:06 · answer #3 · answered by cryllie 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Put a flower or something on his grave. Maybe even write him a letter telling him exactly how you felt about him, if you knew him., and leave it there. Regardless, tell your fiance that you love him and support him. You are a very sweet woman.
2006-12-04 14:13:31 · answer #4 · answered by tinkerbell24 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just give your fiance a card and leave it at that (especially if you didn't know him or his son in 1999.) Ask him how he wants to mark the day, and give him his space or let him know that you are thinking of him. People grieve in their own way.
2006-12-04 15:48:16 · answer #5 · answered by ht_butterfly27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your thoughts are perfect. Give your man a card and put something thoughtful on the grave. And give your man the most love you can.
2006-12-04 13:39:31 · answer #6 · answered by stephanie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if you put something on his grave its a nice thought but he cant see it and it almost means nothing so put your feelings into something that people who are still here and feeling sorrow give your fiance something special and maybe donate to a cancer foundation or plant a tree in his name or something so that people will do something about little joys dying I'm very sorry and hope you work things out.....RIP little joy(sorry I dont know his name)
2006-12-04 13:37:07 · answer #7 · answered by Lizzylovestodance 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask your fiance if there's anything you can do for him. He might want to be alone, he might want to just go to the tombstone with his ex and other son.
I imagine he'll be touched that you care enough to want to acknowledge his son.
Good luck.
2006-12-04 13:34:30 · answer #8 · answered by Bookworm 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think the main thing is to be supportive of your fiance....but if you feel like honoring the lost child, there's nothing wrong with that......i would ask your fiance if he wants you to go with him to the gravesite or not....i would kind of take my cues from him
2006-12-04 13:44:05 · answer #9 · answered by SNAP! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would depend on how close you are to the ex wife, and to the son who is gone. How comfortable it is for you to be there? If you're unsure, just do your best to be supportive for your husband.
.
2006-12-04 13:32:51 · answer #10 · answered by twowords 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋