My wife of five years, lover of nine, has decided that the relaitonship, the family, all of the plans we've made for the past nine years, even our little girl, is not worth keeping together.
She wants a divorce and really can't stand to look at me. Now, we've had our arguments over the years, but just recently, she came back her sister's wedding and decided that the company of another man was more exciting than the complete love and devotion of a man she'd been with for nine years.
I feel so broken and empty, haven't eaten that much for the past month, all I can do is cry when I hug our daughter. I feel like less than a human being, and I'm just wondering why I shouldn't end it all? My daughter would have her mother, everyone on my wife's side of the family who thinks that its okay for her to go out on a date with other men while we're still married would obviously be happy, and all of this would go away for me. Should reincarnation be true, I can start all over.
P.S. this is no joke.
2006-12-04 05:08:04 · 16 answers · asked by illustrat_ed_designs 4 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Pandora, not only was I at the wedding, I went online got ordained and performed it. As payback my sister in law gave my wife the phone number of the guy she's been talking to, a place for her to stay when she went to visit him in Rhode Island and even is planning to hold a few parties for her when she moves back there, so they can get together.
2006-12-04 05:30:43 · update #1
Wow! Thanks Billy, I had no idea about the one night thing! Good loking out, and she IS making some TERRIBLE choices right now, giving up school, quitting her job to move up to RI and worst of all, ruining the family we've both always wanted.
I really hope that she DOES regret what she's doing and comes to me at the height of my success, I truly do. Because I would like to offer her the pity she deserves on that day. But my heart is just too heavy from all of this pain, and the easiest way to deal with it right now, is to think about falling asleep and never waking up. I really just need outside opinions and thoughts on the whole situation, as my friends are about 1500 miles away and the little girl I cling to shouldn't be put in the middle of it all.
2006-12-04 05:51:14 · update #2
You want an honest answer?
Take this time and turn away from listening to people and turn to God. Now is a good time to ask the Lord into your life and turn your life over to Him.
Pray.
THAT'S NO JOKE.
2006-12-04 05:11:54 · answer #1 · answered by LaRue0715 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Truly honest answer?!?!?!
Look at it this way. Who is the better person, moral wise, ethic wise and social wise? You are.
Would you want your daughter to be raised by the same woman that is messing with your feelings right now, instilling the same ethics and morals into her? I think not.
Right now the best thing for her is to be with her father who loves her more than anything in the world. Ending your life would condemn her to a life with her mother that she has no control over and she would have emotional stress from losing you to boot!
Dont feel less like a human because your wife is making bad decisions because your not. Your MORE of a person and less of an animal.To hell with HER family. She doesnt care about you and yours including your daughters well being.
If reincarnation is true, you will get your chance again when you die of old age. If it itsnt true and you end it now, you will end your only chance to make things good and right with your daughter.
She is an extention of you and you have to be there to teach her right from wrong. Left to your wife, she will be a clone of her that will repeat the same mistakes she is doing right now.
Talk to someone that is unbiased and seek help on what to do with your little girl as well as a lawyer to break it totally off and get custody if you can. (On the grounds that the child is being taken away from you for no good reason from a safe and good environment and placed in an unstable home life where she will not thrive because of the confusion of mommy and daddy breaking up.)
Life is not a game. It is a series of events. There is no win or lose, just a lot of wondering if you are making the right decisions.
If she comes crawling back in a few months or weeks, dont let her back in if you have filed for seperation. Once she stays in the house overnight for one night, the seperation is over and she has the right to stay as long as she wants since you two are still married. Then the whole thing will start all over again.
2006-12-04 05:35:11 · answer #2 · answered by billydeer_2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. Number one, you should not even think about
ending your life. Your daughter needs her father, not just a mother.ok? now that this is cleared up.. if she is willing to go to marriage counseling to save the marriage and
put some excitement back into it..then go right away.
If she is unwilling and has already moved on to some other man..be glad you are getting rid of her.
Although it seems impossible right now..you can and will
find another good person to share your life with and then your daughter will have another family to be a part of.
Don't lose any more sleep or stop eating over this one.
So, today--ask your wife if she will go to counseling and if she says no, go see your lawyer. You won't lose your daughter by the way..she is the one who is going out with someone else while still married (very tacky) and not a very good example of good values.
2006-12-04 05:31:54 · answer #3 · answered by Optimistic1 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for your pain. Reading your posting made me remember when that happened to me after 18 years of my fidelity and devotion to our marriage and three children. I couldn't eat or sleep or function very well for months. I remember wanting very much to just lay down and die. I thought I probably would die of a broken heart.
Fast forward three years. I filed for divorce, moved far away and got a new job. I met a wonderful man whom I love dearly and who loves me.
It took time to get over that enormous pain and to realize that I hadn't done anything wrong. I deserved better than to be treated like a piece of trash. It was one hour and one day at a time for almost a year. I had to change my dreams for the future. I have a new plan for my future and a new sense of myself. I do not see myself as a victim of someone else's manipulation. I was unhappy in that life, but I didn't know it. I feel more fullfilled now and more sure of myself and what I have to offer the world.
Yes, my ex did hit bottom when I left. Oh, he wanted out and so I let him out. Now he cries and cries because I will be married to another man. Oh, yes, he laments ever wishing he was on his own, because now he truly is - He hasn't been able to quite grasp that wonderful bachelor life he so wanted. He had the most loving and adoring wife and children and he threw it all away with both hands.
2006-12-04 06:46:18 · answer #4 · answered by Dovie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, your wife is a bum.
Your daughter did nothing to hurt you and if she has such a rotten mom; then your child is really going to need you in the future. Your child would be devastated if something happened to you. Also, what would you do to your parents and relatives.
There have been some very low times for me. A couple of times I felt like you do.
You never know what the future has in store for you.
You do not know what death has in store for you. Suicide is wrong in all religions.
Try to get some professional help. It is not good for your daughter to see you in this state.
Go out try to make some new friends. You may benefit from some support groups like Parents Without Partners, etc.
It sounds like this relationship has been going down for years so you need to get off the ship and start swimming for the lifeboat.
In one year your life will have completely turned around and you will be so thankful you did not act on your dark emotions.
We are here for you 24/7
2006-12-04 05:21:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Reincarnation is not true or you'd have strangers or animals hunting you down to tell you things they wished they could have said before they passed.
My father "ended it all and it nearly ruined me. I wondered why I was not important enough to keep him here and in my life. If her mother is as much a lowlife as she sounds, how will that serve her well? If she is going to be shopping around for a new man, that is also going to do bad things for your daughter. In my opinion, you need to stay and focus your attention on protecting her from her mother and making sure she grows up to be a strong, independant woman. If I didn't have my husband (fiance' at the time my dad left me), I would have been the next victim of a Burlington Northern train vs car incident by choice just like my dad.
Please! Make sure you put her first. There is nothing like a "daddy's girl bond".
2006-12-04 05:17:24 · answer #6 · answered by hdj_76 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you are going through this hard time. It sounds like your are suffering from a severe depression. Please see your doctor immediately and tell him/her how you are feeling. If not for yourself for your daughter. She deserves to have a father as well as a mother. If you can get help things will get better. Hang in there. Remember with depression your thoughts are not rational and true. Do not act on them. Ending it all is not the answer. If you do anything to harm yourself or others you will regret it. See your doctor as soon as possible. Make an appointment today!
2006-12-04 05:21:04 · answer #7 · answered by genuine1 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is going to need you now more than ever. Don't give up on her. Do you want her to lose her Mom AND her Dad? I know you love your daughter more than that for suicide to be your answer. Why do you feel less than a human? Believe in yourself and have confidence about yourself.
Since you cry when you hug your daughter, I'd be willing to bet she feels she is taking care of you. Should you end it she's going to feel like it was HER fault. Which we all know none of this is. Stand up, be strong and do what is right. You'll get through this fine.
Good Luck-stay with us.
2006-12-04 05:22:15 · answer #8 · answered by LedAstray 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i dont know you but im begging you not ot do that because there will be people who will really and truly miss you and i what i am saying is tottaly true and not only to help you feel better, think of how your daughter would feel!
i am talking from experience because recently my auntie died at 42 and left behind her 2 children and husband feeling distraught after it and the whole family feeling down
my mum says she cant live anymore because shes had enough of life and she is really worrying me! i would never want anything to happen to her and i believe anything can be resolved with time
i cant bear the thought of loosing her
please think of what you are saying you will do and think of all the consequences it will have and how it will effect other people
and from me i hopr you dont go along with it and i hope you find the strength to carry on and fight for what you have
even if it is for that one person who is your daughter and you really and truly love
even if she doesnt show it sometimes she probably will still love you!
be strong
v xxxxx
2006-12-04 05:16:30 · answer #9 · answered by twinkle star 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Time heals all wounds so get on with your life. I have been in your situation and I can say for a fact she's not coming back. All your wishing and begging and promises will not change her mind. Maintain a close relationship with your kids and always be there for them. I feel for you but life goes on and so will yours. Good luck and may you find happiness or at least comfort in your future.
2006-12-04 05:22:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it down a notch and try to calm down> No one person is worth taking your own life. Life is a gift given to you and you have to make the best of it. Try to move on and find someone else. You can go on dates just as well as she can I'm sure. Keep yourself busy. As for the reincarnation thing, I personally believe its true but when you take your own life, I do not believe that you come back happy.
2006-12-04 05:17:38 · answer #11 · answered by Crash 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋