She graduated high school in May and within a week, moved in with a 26 yr old guy I never even heard her mention. She just disappeared and next thing I know, she was living with him. She had no job, no car, no money, is not on birth control. She has lost her mind.
My brothers wife fixed her up with a job, and I was taking her to work, trying to help her out. She did not show up for our family Thanksgiving because she couldnt see her boyfriend before he left for work if she came for supper. She manipulates me and I cannot handle her stupidity. Her boyfriend is a drunk and is not what I expected for her.
I am fed up, so I do not answer her collect calls anymore from the payphone at the gas station. She is living 5 miles away from home. I do not pick her up for work. I avoid her because she is bringing me down. I feel like I am enabling her to act irresponsible and disrespect our family.
Am I doing the right thing?.
2006-12-04 04:22:32 · 11 answers · asked by happydawg 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Absolutely, you are doing the right thing... She is an adult in the eyes of the law and you can't control her behaviour.... I am afraid she is looking at the world with rose coloured glasses on and she is in for a rude awakening...
Is it possible that you spoiled her and she does what she wants????
She is unprepared for this world and is not mature enough to be out there... but it is too late for that...She obviously doesn't have good judgment skills which she should Have learned at home by your examples... but if she was pampered and spoiled she would never have had to face consequences for her actions...thus poor judgment. So she is running wild with her freedom, instead of doing something positive with her life.
You need to do the tough love thing to make her understand she can't run back to daddy every time something goes wrong... and she will try...
She needs to get involved in a volunteer job where she is serving the community and learn about self respect....
She will have to hit rock bottom, and without your support she will realize very soon that her bf just doesn't cut it and can't give her the things daddy did...
Tough love... is best right now, but be prepared to find her standing outside your door with suitcases......pregnant.....
2006-12-04 04:32:53 · answer #1 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I am a mother and though my kids are still little, I can understand your feelings. To be honest if my daughter behaved like this I would give her two options. The first would be to move back home with me and consider her future whether it be working or going to school. Obviously she should not be living with this young man unmarried and you certainly don't want her to marry that kind of person. I would not push her away though because she may do just that and then make things worse for herself. Ask her to come home and tell her that she can continue to see her boyfriend and that she should not feel that she has to live with him for her own survival. Make it clear that you are ready to support her.
If she agrees to come back home, then once she is there (find some way to get rid of the boyfriend but not by restricting her she will only run away). Also try in hidden ways to show to her that she can do better in finding a mate. She is feeling insecure and scard of growing up so she is running to him and he is bad for her. Do whatever it takes but don't let her go unless she completely refuses to come home. In that case I would cut her off because she is no longer obeying you and obviously has to make her own mistakes and her own lifestyle. But don't give up right away and try your best to convince her that you will always support her and that you are very proud of her decisions. (Even if she is screwing up, don't let her know that she has disappointed you because it only gives the boyfriend more control.) It may sound dirty but sometimes we have to manipulate and deceive the ones we love in order to protect them.
2006-12-04 13:02:19 · answer #2 · answered by Mom_of_two 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. You must always leave the lines of communication open, even if you feel she is being stupid and irresponsible. She is 18 and is making a mistake, but then, didn't we all?
Answer her calls. Let her know that you are still there for her. That is not to say you should make yourself a doormat. Use your own judgement as to what is appropriate but remember that you are her mother and possibly the single most reliable and stable influence in her young life.
2006-12-04 12:29:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are doing the right thing! But tell her that you Love her but you will not stand by or be apart of her life if she keeps going the way she's going now. She is after all 18 and free to make her own choices but that does not mean you agree with them you have a life too and you've done for her for 18 years let her clean up her own mistakes now and live with them. but let her know this and let her know you still love her just not her choices.
2006-12-04 12:59:03 · answer #4 · answered by stanley h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough love, she is an adult legally, but sometimes just because someone turns 18 doesn't make them grown. She is enabling him to control her life because he is an alcoholic, she needs to get away from him. Have a talk with her, tell her as long as she's acting immature and enabling him, you will not be used.
2006-12-04 12:53:19 · answer #5 · answered by Mother of 2 girls 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for not letting her manipulate you and for not enabling her. It is tough to let go and stop taking care of people. She has made her choice for today. Let her live with it. Let her know that you love her but there are certain boundaries that you have in place to protect yourself. She will do what she wants to do despite anything you say or do.
2006-12-04 12:31:38 · answer #6 · answered by KeeCee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know there are going to be choices that are children make that we are not going to like.there are some things that your doing that i agree with and other i do not.i agree with you not giving her rides to work, if she wants to be out on her own living with this guy let them figure out how to get her there and back.i don't agree with you not excepting any of her calls.she is still your daughter.maybe you can explain to her how you feel and tell her that from now on that you will except one call from her a week.set a day that is best for both of you, if she does not call on the day and time that was set then don't except it when she decides to call,she may not be making the choices that you wanted for her, but this is her life not yours.she still needs you, you know.
2006-12-04 12:41:40 · answer #7 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep up the good work, but offer to let her come home anytime she dumps this loser. Be prepared to be a grandparent.
2006-12-04 12:28:05 · answer #8 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing. The problem is you didnt start doing it soon enough.
2006-12-04 12:33:03 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing, she needs to grow up.
2006-12-04 12:26:07 · answer #10 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋