should I pursue older guys? I am 40 and it seems men my age want women who are younger or just want to have?

Question

fun. These aren't rich celebrities who can have anyone they want, just ordinary guys. I am looking for a man who is serious about a relationship with a future to it but it seems like the 40 year old guys are out to have fun, although they are a little old for that. Why can't they realize that if they continue in casual encounters and relationships like this that 20 years down the road when they start getting health problems, they are going to be alone because these young women who want to play aren't going to want to spend time taking care of some sick man? They should find someone to love and have a serious relationship so they will have someone to grow old with when they aren't marketable anymore. I am open to meeting guys up to 54 but should I expand since it seems some of them are imature too?

Answer 1

Yeah, unfortunately, a lot of older guys who are still single are still stuck in bachelor mode. It may be because they're too immature and self-centered for a serious relationship. It may because they've never wanted a serious relationship to begin with. Or they may lack social skills. Or they may have just gotten burned too much in their love lives and given up on trying.

But, it doesn't mean there aren't good men out there (my aunt met her soulmate at 43, a man my whole family instantly liked). Stay away from the singles scene (where all the 45 year old guys with delusions of still being 25 are prowling) and join churches, outdoor clubs, book discussion groups, and things like that. Granted, men can *still* be kind of predatory in such venues (a common complaint at my church group), but options are better in places where there's some kind of shared community or interest beyond dating. Build friendships first and take it slow.

Answer 2

I think you should be open to pursuing any single guy, age should not even be an issue. If you feel all the 40 years old are just looking for fun, then try the 30 years old guys. I guess what I'm saying, age should not be a factor in your search, should only be compatibility. I know it frustrating searching, but if you stay focused you will find someone who will love you and respect you. Good luck.

Answer 3

It doesn't seem to matter what the age, boys will be boys. Some are into relationships and wanting something long-term, and some just want to play the field. There are enough women out there that want relationships that guys aren't worried about finding someone down the road to be there for them when they are old and ill. It's sad but true. You're best bet is to just keep looking and don't put an age range on it. Love hits when you least expect it to.

Answer 4

I'm older than 18-20. I'm 32 but I been banging a woman 40 years older than me for 11 years. 11 wonderful years

Answer 5

You are not wrong in assuming that most men are immature. I am 51 and I am still immature in several way, but for the most part I am very mature. I would give anything to have a lady 40 to 45, but the best I have been able to do is 50 to 52. I am seeing a lady 52 right now and we get along great, but she has it in her head that I am going to move in with her and I have no intention of getting tied down entirely right now. I have been tied down for the last 20 years and I want to spread my wings a bit before settling down. Don't get me wrong, I see your point completely and I would never dream of trying to date someone any younger than you. It would be senceless. I have health problems, but I am hanging in there for now. That is another reason for my not wanting to get completely tied down. I would hate to have someone get attached and then get real sick and them end up spending the rest of their lives tending me. It just wouldn't be far to them.

Answer 6

My husband is 14 years older than me. We are perfect together. But he is a young 57. He doesn't act old, he was in a motorcycle accident when he was in his 20's and his leg is a little messed up, but he can out do me. Sometimes you just have to give up and let God take over. I had picked 3 wrong men in my lifetime. I gave up. I told God that I couldn't pick em. And if he wanted me to be married He was going to have to find him, because I wasn't doing a very good job. And he did. Have faith.

Answer 7

I don't think it is wrong to date an older man. My man is 17 years my senior and we have been happily together for over 5 years. Actually I have never been happier. I don't think you should worry about age unless gets like Anna Nichole Smith or something. Good luck to you. And I would definately date a man over 50 if I was you, they treat you better.

Answer 8

Dear reallyfed,

It seems you are more concerned with the future of these 40 year old playboys then your own. What's it to you how they decide to spend the rest of their lives? Are you really concerned or just venting your innability to find a man that suits your needs and desires?

I don't want to sound agresive towards you, I'm naturally this assertive in my answers to serious questions, especially when it comes from someone within the bounds of my own generation.

You said it seemed like the men your age were just out to have a good time and wanted nothing serious. Why do you surmise this? Is it not pretty much standard that a dating relationship start out in that vein and then get serious if need be? Do not the majority of relationships start out casually? Would you rather have a man know your true intentions and then just use them to act until he gets in your pants and then dissapear? Do you prefer to know someone for what they really are and not who you want them to be? How are you going about meeting men? Are you proactive and in constant search for the man of your desires? Are you actually going out and meeting men in various places besides on-line dating services?

Seems to me you are bound by the endless romantically oriented social myths that are a product of the endless conditioning you were exposed to as a child, adolescent, and young adult. Give yourself the chance of expanding your personal horizons by discarding some of the values that don't work for you and adopting new values that do work for the thinking, sensible, assertive adult woman that your are.

Maturity is more a frame of mind and attitude than it is one of striktly age. Men come in all grades of maturity regardless of their age! If your intentions are to find a suitable life partner there are relly no age limits. I know one would like to have a partner with whom one can get old and have more or less the same rate of logevity as a couple; but then again, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride!

You must clearly define your wants and desires, pair them evenly with the reality at hand, work out a proactive plan for reaching your goals, and be assertive in trying to reach them. Consider specifically what it is your are bringing to the relationship table before demanding. Remember that at this stage of the game, and because of the conditioning we were exposed to, it should be logical to anticipate that others will expect more or less the same being demanded. If you are ready to accept this fact then by all means continue looking for 'mr. right'; if not, then evaluate your concerns before suffering more frustration.

The best of wishes to you!

Answer 9

I am 42 and have dated the same 53 yr old for the last 5 years. He is so hung up on his ex wife we cannot even begin to have a relationship which resembles anything close to normal. Men who get that old and are divorced for whatever reason carry a lot of baggage. Then there are their adult kids who lay on the guilt for everything. They cannot get past the past.
I suggest you just look at it like I do. If he takes you out to dinner once in awhile and you have sex once in awhile, its about all you can ask for. I was 20 once and no 20 yr old female is serious about a salt and pepper haired man with gray pubic haired, sagging nuts who is so old he cannot keep it up and has all of this past life issues. The 50 some group are all living in a mid life crisis. They have nothing to look foreward to except sharing their retirement with their ex's and they are pooped out. The young girls make them feel good and dont harp on their health issues. They dont want to think about health issues. My boyfriend is currently in the procedures dept at our local hospital having a colonoscopy. His ex wife is fully informed. I am surprised she didnt take him (for the ride that is).I stayed at home. Its not my problem. Next issue is his prostate antigen. Impotency is just across the horizon.
He has been pooping his head off all nite. Hope they knocked the **** out of him. Its all old age.

Answer 10

well i like to think im reasonably mature and i would have gone out with a lady aged 40+ (im 53) but i found the ladies that i thought i was interested in were not interesting in the long term i found a lady and she is a lot younger than me but we are in love --- very much in love -- its not money and the age difference is not an issue with us