why is it so hard to get over someoneyouve been with for 14 yrs?

Question

I've posted several questions here already.some of the answers are great but some are cruel.I'm a 32 year old man who has a 33 year old wife.I've given her my all(now let me say what I mean by my all)I bought her a house,given her my affection,suppoerted her in everything.now she she seems to think she loves a younger guy of 25 yrs old.I asked her to choose me or him and she said him.I must admitt that devestated me even more.when relationships start out they are great but after a while you've got to work at it to make it work yes or no?she was always home on the computer and I work nights so I didnt know what was going on until 5 months ago.when I found out about this affiar.shes living up north with her parents and goes to see this guy maybe once a month to spend a weekend with him.she takes my 7 year old with her and he knows cause he told me he slep alone while mommy slept with this other guy in his moms house.is that right to do.to let your child see you sleeping with some one els

Answer 1

its hard i noe. i totally get how u feel even i had to get over my boyfriend

Answer 2

that question is similar to one i've seen before. after 14 years or something of that you start to look at them as family. and no, not in the sick inbread kinda way. i mean you share alot of the same things with them as a family member.

everytime it rains you think of a time you guys had together, every time a certain tv show comes on you think of them.

you can't get over someone very easily from that long of time because they have become part of your daily routine. love is a good thing but you also have to be careful, as in your case.

i can't really imagine how to stomach what you're going through, i'd imagine it's tough. if my POV did not help, i seriously suggest counseling. because i've almost went over relationships under 1 year.

you can't really go wrong with a counselor. seriously.
well i hope i helped.

Answer 3

Hope your holding up ok, yes thats wrong for your daughter to see. Obviously she did the wrong thing by you. It must be hard after 14 years, but what a B**** to do that. at the very least she could have broken up with you 1st to see this guy, not while you are still together, I'm glad you found out cause who knows how long you would have been taken for a fool.

Answer 4

no way that is dead wrong god i am all messed up in a depression because i havent seen or spoken to my bf of 3 years in almost 2 weeks he hasnt even tried to contact me and new years would have been our 3 yr anniversary so im a mess but reading your story gave me a wake up call that it could be worse your situation is really sad what she is doing to you is horrible and i cant even imagine how u could be feeling i know its hard and easier said then done but the only way to know if she really loves u is to leave her i know you dont want to but it takes 2 and it seems that she is a lil bit confused right now some women do that when they are getting older and they try to find a younger person to make them feel like they still got it. Whatever her reasons are you still deserve better ive noticed that us caring bf's gf's are always the ones getting hurt in the end and the ones that dont care as much are ok i dont get y that is but one day she'll get hers remember what comes around goes around who knows maybe she will realize that she is wrong or maybe my bf will realize that he messed up til then we have to be strong somehow after all we both know we did only good for them you know how they say if u love somthing let it go if it comes back to u its meant to be well as hard as it is we must let go and in time well know how much they really loved and cared about us

Answer 5

There is no quick fix remedy for a broken heart, but you DO need to work on it everyday. Stop beating yourself up over her. No good will come of it. Move on. I know you don't want to heart that, but YOU are the only one that can do it. You just said you've posted several question already. All of them about the same thing? Lamenting about a broken relationship? Fix your thoughts on something else, it will get better day by day IF you tell yourself that! Think of your son, take the best care you can of him-- HE needs YOU! Stop worring and wasting your thoughts on her, and smile, even when you don't feel like it. The day WILL come when the smiles will come naturally and all will be fine again!

Answer 6

You all were toghether for a very long time, and its normal to feel this way and you probably will for a very long time or for the rest of your life. Think about the past, what could have gone wrong? You gave her a home and affection but did you lack somewhere else? Yes you are supposed to work in relationships to keep them strong sometimes one of partners fails to work at it. That's where the relationship dies. I dont think she meant to hurt you, sometimes things happen and we are humans and we allow them to go on and then have to face the consquences. If you were still together and she was sleeping with another guy, No, I don't think it's right for her son to see. If you guys were seperated it depends on how long you have been seperated. I think you should have a talk with your son and let him know about the recent changes in your house. Good luck. SMILE

Answer 7

That happens a lot more than you think. But just know that by her leaving, it leaves the door open for someone amazing to come into your life. We all have paths we go down. You can go down your path happy, or miserable, but you are going down it. It's up to you how you do it. You must tell your son, that sometime adults make the wrong desicions, just like kids. But we live and learn from our mistakes. Let him know how much you love him and that it isn't his fault in anyway his momma's a ho...Just kidding on that last part. Don't tell him his momma's a ho, he will figure it out on his own when he's old enough.

Answer 8

Oh, I'm so sorry. Of course it's going to be hard. You have a child with this woman and a lot of emotions and time invested in the relationship.

My husband's ex-wife used to bring men home from the bar all the time after their divorce. My stepdaughter is a Christian and told her Mom it was wrong. Her mom told her she could have sex with whomever and whenever she wanted. That's just about as cold as you can get. So, I can definitely empathize with you.

Unfortunately, however, it's probably not grounds for granting you sole custody from a legal standpoint. My husband tried this with the courts and they said unless his ex-wife was beating their daughter she would be able to have joint custody.

Stay as close to your child as you can and be a source of strength for him. With your help he will get through it OK. My stepdaughter is 16 now and is very emotionally healthy.

Answer 9

I'd start by suing for custody. Also claim the house since your claiming abandonment as as the divorce cause. Tell her what your doing. Also tell her if she marries this guy (and it happens whether you win or lose) no alimony if she ever marries anyone. Then ask her if she still wants to leave.
Another alternative is to get a day job. Maybe she's lonely at night.

Answer 10

no of course not. but i suggest you shouldn't hurt your self any longer by trying to fix something that has already failed. but yet i know it will be hard to do at first but if she really doesn't want to be with you, you cannot force someone to love you if they don't. now i also sometimes there are times when a woman wil feel like they aren't appreciated by their husbands and want a little affection and they will go out there and find it. and well i suggest you should work on that maybe that's all she's lacking. why don't you try it and good luck in your marriage.

Answer 11

You have a kid together, so you will always have a reminder of what was... Someone who is going to go behind your back, and not be honest and straight forward doesn't deserve a good guy like you. Most importantly, do you want your son subjected to his mothers promiscuity?? I didn't think so. Use the fact that she left him alone to meet with another man, and get custody of the kid.