Changed my mind about babies. Now what?

Question

I've been married 3 years and I'm 26 and my husband is 31. I've been very vocal about not having children, and then kind of on the fence, and then vocal again. But I think about having them a lot and I'm envious when others get pregnant. I have come to accept that I do want a child. My husband changed his mind first, so he'll be thrilled. However, we disagree on how to go about it. We're very financially stable. We live off one income and do very well. But house prices are such that we couldn't afford one within an hour of his work without an income 3x his. My earning potential is very small, so that won't make the difference. He thinks we should save even more until we can afford a home here, no matter how long that takes. I think he should either commute more than an hour to where we can afford something or transfer jobs to a less expensive area. He thinks this is unfair. I'm wondering just how committed he is, considering how he's been pressing for a future baby. Advice?

The place we live in is a one-bedroom with no space for a baby. And babies grow up quickly. So a baby sharing our bedroom today will turn into a 7-year old sharing our bedroom tomorrow. If we can't afford a home without a baby, it'll be even worse with that added expense. Having one in our current place is not an option.

We have a very healthy, happy, and strong marriage.

His commute is already 45-50 mins.

We already have near 100K saved! It's still not enough to buy a home! How much more do we need before I can say "honey, this is insane, can we please move somewhere where we can afford things."

Answer 1

One answer could be to buy the house that is far away and rent a studio or a room in the city. You would only see your sweetheart on weekends and he'd only be a weekend "Dad," but you wouldn't have to delay your family any longer either. Maybe he could work 4 ten hour days and have 3 day weekends?

Generally, the sooner you get in to home the sooner you start building equity which enables you to keep up with housing prices.

I think better solutions might come with asking more questions, like "Are there other couples with children at work and how did they do it?" Is the housing market at a peak or is it on the up rise? If so should we keep saving now and be ready when the housing market goes on the down swing?

I think a compromise might be to plan on having children in the near future (a year? or two?) with specific financial goals to reach for. Then work as diligently as you can towards these goals. Hopefully you will be near your goal, but if not I wouldn't delay a family any longer. Do you really want to be Grandparent age raising your kids, IF you manage to get pregnant? It does get more difficult the older you get. Good luck! It's not easy, but it's worth it. :D

Answer 2

Commuting an hour 1 direction would suck. If he really wants a kid, sacrifices are in order. He needs to find out the areas he can transfer to. Find the ones in smaller towns, or out of the more expensive parts of the country. Then go online and look at real estate in those towns/cities. That will give you both an idea of which place might be the best to move. He might not want to move, but it already sounds like ya'll are living in an area that is crazy expensive.

Babies are expensive. Like you said, that tiny place won't last long. You'll both be sleep deprived that first year, so losing 2 hours a day for commuting won't help him any. Find a place where you feel like middle class instead of struggling to afford a 2 bedroom place.

Answer 3

No one can ever be totally prepared to start a family. If you want until you can afford one or until you can buy a new house it may never happen. As long as you have Health insurance, can afford to feed and dress a child and most important be a caring loving parent that is all a child needs. They do not care what size house they live in and most likely do not even remember at that age. I am sure that you would be able to find something suitable when you need it. I have found that some how things always manage to work out one way or another. As for your husband this is very typical because he is feeling the pressure to not only to start a family but to be the income earner. To be able to support you both in comfort and be able to be there as a husband and a father. It is a tough position for him. He may be comfortable with is employment and worried that a change would not be good right now. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

That's a lot to think about. I don't think you need to worry about how committed your husband is because he doesn't want to commute more than 2 hours a day! Besides, that will take away from the time he would be able to spend with his baby and wife! He's just being practical. The good thing is that you're young. 26 is young to have children... Spend some time enjoying your life now... go on vacations that you might not be able to do with a child. Cruises, ski trips, Europe. things like that get more complicated when you add babies and young kids into the mix. I would say wait a few years, save up some money, find a great place to live and then have kids.

I know, easier said than done, but it will be worth it when you're not the youngest mom in the room and you know what you're doing.

Good luck!

Answer 5

You seem to have all sorts of concerns. If you changed your mind, that's fine. Talk about it. You are still young enough that you can change your mind 9000 times and still have a beautiful family or a rewarding life. Just remember, there is one time that you can't change your mind-- after you have kids. So make sure that you are in it for the long haul. Everything else-- house, commute, commitment, etc will fall into place once you know the big question: "Do you want to have kids or not?"

Answer 6

I would wait till you get a bigger apartment or house. It might be fine in your house now until the baby starts to crawl by after that you will need more room. Tell your husband that you want a baby now and then start saving every penny that you can and get a bigger place. After that start saving again and try to get pregnant. Also you could try just letting nature takes its course. God doesn't give you anything that you cant handle and everything will work out in the end. Good luck!

Answer 7

you don't need a house just get a two bedroom apt and why don't you get a job or two to save money then work through your pregnancy that will help alot. plus you get a tax break so you should plan on concieving at a time when you will have the baby at the end of the year so you get the money back when not paying for the baby yet.... Good luck.

Answer 8

It's not a problem with commitment he's just keeping a good mind to prudence. It'll be hard for you to have a child and have little financial capacity to raise it, there'll be all sorts of things you'll want to give and do for your child but you wont be able to afford it. Children are great when you raise them right but it's much harder to raise them right without the money to support them properly.

Answer 9

Would you be able to afford a two bedroom apartment and save up for a house? That's a tough decision. Good luck.

Answer 10

Sounds like you are not ready to buy a house, you should just rent a bigger apartment or a townhouse for now, If everyone waited til they could afford to have babies, there would be alot less babies. We're not rich, but we have 3 children and we rent a townhouse. Good luck to you :)