What should i do about my mother?

Question

ok... i had a 27 year old sister and she recently died from cancer and she died from cancer. and she had 3 kids. a 8 year old, a 3 year old, and a 1 year old. and so my mom decided to take them in. In my opinoin my mom treats them very badly. and she whoops the 8 year old over his face with switches and belts very often. and he really dont deserve. i want to confront her about it how should i approach her if i should? should i let her continue to do so? should i try to take legal actions? but keep in mind this is my mother...

and yes i'm 16 and i attend school and i do live with my mother

Answer 1

Mother or not I am going to tell you straight up, your sister would have wanted better for her children!

Anyone growing up in that kind of abuse is going to have alot of problems. My son was abused by my ex husband and now he is in therapy every single day. He has set fires, stole stuff, he hoards food, just all kinds of crazy things. I worry if he will be able to have a normal relationship or if he will be a productive member of society.

You should call CPS, do an emergency petition with the courts, what ever you have to do to get those kids outta that house. Would you be bale to take them? Another sane family member? What about the dad?

It doesn't matter as long as they are safe. They are already dealing with their mother's death they shouldn't have to deal with being abused!!!!!!

Answer 2

There is obviously no easy answer to this question and there is no right or wrong answer. This is your mother but you cannot ignore the welfare of your sister's children. The use of physical discipline varies by country, culture, and geographic region. I do not believe in it but my wife very strongly does suggesting that these are complex social decisions. From the standpoint of a physician the medical literature consistently indicates that physical punishment does not alter behavior. If your mother believes as my wife does that this is normal and necessary you may not have much success but for your own peace of mind you must do something. I would begin by speaking openly with your mother about the situation but begin by being positive. Let her know that you think it is wonderful that she is raising your sister's children and that you know it must be difficult. If Mom does not open up to you (and the odds are that she will not) then gently begin to discuss discipline. Legal action will most likely sever your relationship with your mother and it should only be considered if you feel that the health and well being of the children is at risk. Child Protective Services is over burdened, under staffed, and under funded and they do not get involved in the question of how strict and what type of discipline should be employed. This is an extremely difficult and sensitive situation. I feel that your concern is very appropriate and I would proceed but please do so with caution and good luck.

Answer 3

Do you have another family member you could confide in? Maybe someone else would be willing to take the kids. Please don't let your mom get away with this. My mother was a piece of work too. She carried a belt or switch with her everywhere and I was not a bad kid. But I got beatings for small things. It has really damaged my self-esteem. I have no confidence because of it. She would beat my younger brother. One time I tried to shield him and she turned the belt on me, hitting me in the face with the buckle. I didn't care because my brother was so small at the time. I would welt up and she'd make me soak in a bathtub of warm water for hours so my dad wouldn't see the swellings from the belt lashes when he got home from work. I never told anyone. It's strange how children want to protect their mom even when she's wrong. She stopped the beatings when I got tough and didn't cry any more (around age 13). I would just sit there and stare at the wall until her arms got tired. I guess she felt it wasn't worth it anymore because I didn't scream and cry anymore. That's when the emotional abuse started. She was very critical of me. I wasn't allowed to have friends, go anywhere, ride my bike. I was forbidden to drive until I was 19. By then I was too insecure to leave her and support myself. I stayed pressed under her thumb for 25 years. My mom was wrong. Yours is wrong. Yes take legal actions to protect those children mentally. They will be so screwed up if it doesn't stop. They can't protect themselves. You are their only hope now. God bless you.

Answer 4

Oooh, all good answers to a very good question.

One thing you need to keep in mind is that your mother may still be dealing with her grief for the loss of her daughter. It is the worst thing in the world to have to bury your own child.

BUT that doesn't excuse her behavior. I would sit down with her and say "I know it's been a while since you had kids in the house but this has got to stop". Hopefully, you can say, "you never treated me and my sister this way, so how come you're treating the kids this way." See if you can provide her with some books on dicipline, and inform her firmly that "although it would break my heart, if this doesn't stop, I will be forced to contact Social Services and recommend that the children be moved to another foster home."

By the way, where are the children's father(s)?

Answer 5

"she whoops the 8 year old over his face with switches and belts very often"
If this is true, this is excessive and abusive behavior. You do not mention your age or if you live with your mother, which could affect the answer.
However, in general I suggest you call your local Children's Protective Services and talk to someone about the situation anonymously.
They can be found by calling groups like: state and county social services, local United Ways, hospitals, and schools.

Answer 6

you need to discuss this with your mother. Explain how her behavior has made you feel and that you would like to check into other options for these children.As you don't state your mom's age or financial situation, taking on these children may be too stressful for her. No child should be abused. Whether you and your mom can agree or not is mute. Tell her about it and then do the right thing. Seek help from the agency that placed the children with your mom.Contact the other grandparents or family members who may be more suited to care for these children.

Answer 7

I dont care if this is your mom at all!First she is WRONG.I was 7 when I lost my mom also from cancer and believe me this was back in 1970,and as a child I was grieving heavily but noone listened to me and I did not know how to relay my feelings especially in those days noone talked about feelings.So I acted out,I had tantrums,screamed at the top of my lungs and in my own way tried to get the understanding and comfort I so badly wanted,on top of it not 1 single person told me where my mommy had gone.they sent me to live with my Aunt for a while too.The way I was treated at that period of time has left scars that will never go away.In any case this kind of abuse and thats what it is should never be tolerated,but to do this to kids who just lost a mom?I think you need to get those poor babies away from your mom!Do you think for one minute they are gonna grow up as happy and well adjusted adults?Shame on everyone in these kids lives for letting this go on especially when they need understanding and love the most,and I guarentee the 8 year old is crying out the loudest for it and what is he getting?punished.Take it from me I am 44 and I remember what they did to me like it was yesterday.These children see you standing by while they are treated like this,when they grow up trust me they will remember who did nothing to help them out of abuse.

Answer 8

I would take legal action. like they said these poor children lost there mother and heres the grandma treating them like crap. no kid deserves to be smacked in the face with things let alone smacked at all. I would do something to get those children out of her care

Answer 9

No matter who she is, it is not right to be hitting children in the face with switches and belts. Or anything else for that matter. You don't say how old you are; if you are still in school or what. If you are still in school, I would talk to a counselor. If not, you need to find someone to talk to about it. She can't continue to do this.

Answer 10

First sorry about your sister. No child ever deserves what you have written. It is abuse. If there are no other family members to take these children then maybe they would be better with a family that would adopt them with no abuse. They lost their mother they do not need this from anyone. Abuse is a cycle that must be broken. Do something before it gets worse mother or no mother please!!!!