My brother died in March and I can't get over it, how do you heal from the death of someone you loved so much?

Question

Now I have nightmares a few times a week that my kids die, my parents, my husband, my other siblings. Now that it is Christmas time it seems like these emotions are compounded. He lived here and this Christmas will be so different with out him, I miss him so much and can't seem to shake myself out of this slump. Any advice would be apprecited.

Answer 1

Sweetie, you just lost your BROTHER. You aren't supposed to "get over" something like this. Eventually, with time, you will get past it. And it will take time. This is your first Christmas without him, so of course it's going to be difficult. He's gone. You're still here. It sucks, but that's the way it is. You miss him, but you just have to keep living your life, one day at a time. That's what healing is all about. Honor your brother's life by telling your kids about him. Eventually, you will be able to handle things better.

I lost my 14-year old brother when I was 16, the week of Thanksgiving. I lost my son New Years Eve coming up on 8 years ago. I know a little something about grief and loss, and yes, the whole holiday season still sucks just a bit. Trust me when I say that these things just take time. And don't try to rush through the healing process. Just do whatever you need to do. God bless!

Answer 2

I don't know that I can offer any advice, but I can say this, you're not alone. My grandparents died - one seven years ago and then my two grandmothers 5 years ago (only three months apart) - and it feels like it just happened yesterday. There is an empty void inside that will never be filled again. I have tried several antidepressants and therapy - which has helped a little. The thing that I hate the most though, is when others around me try to tell me that I need to get over it and to heal, and that I'm dwelling on the past. You take as much time as you need to grieve. The holidays are especially hard too. I'm not like most people though - 'memories' of the "good times," do not comfort me, neither do photographs. I guess you just have to take your time. Whether or not that will take a lifetime for me, that remains to be seen. I would, however, recommend talking to someone - a license professional - if you feel you cannot talk to other relatives. It won't cure you of your hurt, but it does help.

Answer 3

Oh, this is such a tough situation. I went through this when my mother and my father died. It usually takes about a year or so.

You need to keep reminding yourself that he is in a much better place, and will never suffer again. He really isn't dead, you know. And he's not. His old earthly body is dead. But who would want the body anyway? It only gets sick and tired and as you age, it hurts more and more, and gets diseases.

Please try to look at it as though he is just away. You will be with him again when you die, and both of you will be so much more happy, happier than you could ever dream of on earth.

One thing that did help me immensely though is a products called "Gorse". It is an herb, not addicting. Believe me, it is safe. If you do a search on the internet either under Gorse or Bach Flowers, you should be able to find it. A few health food stores carry it. If you can't find it close to where you live, you can order it.

You just take 3 or 4 drops under the tongue 3-4 times a day at first. Within two days I felt 50% better, and after about two months I was fine. I am not affiliated with this product at all; I am not a salesman, or a nut. Just please try this product; If feel confident it will help you immensely with your mourning.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

It will take time, but for the sake of the rest of your family try to move on. He would want you to be happy and continue with all of the fun Christmas traditions you once shared. Do this for him and in memory of him! Start a new family tradition and do something to remember your brother this Christmas and those to follow. Hopefully you are Christian and believe in life after death and know that you can be with your brother again someday. Seek therapy if you feel you are at that point as it will help immensely too. My father had a massive stroke at Christmas time and I honestly didn't think I could go on, but time heals all wounds. I think of him during the holidays with fond memories now. I am so sorry. . .good luck to you!

Answer 5

It is the hardest thing to go through, to lose someone you loved so much, the only thing is time, and do things that will help you to get your mind off. Talk to a dear friend about what is going on, I have a poem for you that may help.

I AM NOT HERE

Don't stand by my grave and weep
For I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamonds glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn's rain.

When you awaken in morning's hush
I am the sweet uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circle flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night

Do not stand by my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die.

What this poem means to me, is that no matter where you go, or what you are doing, your brother will always be with you. Hold him in your heart, even though you will never forget what he meant to you, hold on to that, you will make it through.

Answer 6

My heart incredibly is going out to you. i'm so sorry you lost your mom. My suitable pal lost her mom 4 years in the past and confronted the comparable painful dilema of what to do on that first anniversary. What she did do grow to be pass to the cemetry in the morning together with her sons and positioned vegetation on her grave after which had the remainder of the family individuals over for lunch and toasted her mom. She felt she mandatory her family individuals around. I see you have not any family individuals yet you will possibly be able to correctly be waiting to do some thing alongside with your significant other wheter that is a quiet drink in her memory or perhaps even planting a shrub or tree in her memory. i'm particular your mom is generally happening with how plenty you adore her. My pal nevertheless each anniversary takes vegetation to her grave (and for the time of the 365 days needless to say) and toast her Mum quietly on the nighttime. She remains grieving yet has controlled to pass forward while her brother can not even face going to the grave as he's in simple terms too distraught. i think of you woul earnings on some bereavement counselling to aim and help you come back to words with the shortcoming of your costly mom and likewise which you may precise how confusing you got here across the incredibly ailment she grow to be tormented by. i comprehend while they are ill for months it is so not undemanding. you will possibly be able to correctly be depressed too as you have been trough the trauma of three deaths which incorporates your miscarriage. you will possibly be able to correctly be doing the suitable component in having a destroy overseas and that i'm particular that's what your mom could choose for you. Please take care and look for some counselling. It incredibly will help. X

Answer 7

Christmas is a time for being with loved ones, when you have lost someone you are bound to think of them more. Talk with your husband about this, maybe you should go with your relatives to visit his grave. There is no one way to grieve over your loss, but know that you are not alone in this. Some wounds never heal, but know that there is still love around you and remember the good memories of him.

Answer 8

I'm no Dr., by a long shot, but a do know a little 'bout PTSD. Losing a loved one can & usually is a traumatic ordeal for people. It sounds to me as if you're suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My situation isn't like yours, but, I suffer from PTSD nonetheless. My family was in a tornado on Apr. 2, 2006. I was critically injured. I'm ok now, but, I still mourn for the life we lost. Even though an actual life wasn't taken, our life as we knew it, was destroyed. And, like you, I have nightmares, fears, & I miss (everday) the life we had to leave behind. I'm now living in a house that isn't mine, wearing clothes I didn't buy myself, my kids have toys I've never seen before...& so forth.
I've learned that it's ok to feel loss, to mourn it til you physically hurt, but, with treatment, I'm able to go a little while (not long yet), but, a little while without actually thinking of or mourning our loss. It will take some time for you, as well. No one can tell you how long to grieve or how long your nightmares will continue, but, I can tell you that you need someone to talk to. I found out first hand that "friends" are ok to talk to, but, I did hear my best friend told another that she was so tired of hearing about that stupid tornado!! That broke my heart!! Anyway, I found a counselor to talk to. She doesn't get tired of hearing about my trauma & helps me cope. I do take meds, as well. But, that doesn't mean everyone would have to.

Get you a professional, 3rd party to help you with coping methods...You may not see it immediately, but, there is light at the end of the tunnel & soon, my friend, you'll be able to see it...Good luck to you. You & your family will be in my prayers. My Father has helped me tremendously, as well. So, I will talk to him for you, too. My God bless & keep you.

Answer 9

I know how Christmas will make you miss them even more. That was my mom's favorite time of year and the 1st one without her liked to have killed me. She will be gone for 3 years on January 9th. The way I made it threw was a lot of tears and feeling very alone and remembering how much she loved me and my kids. I even put a present under the tree for her and that made me feel a little better. The one thing that helped the most was I always reminded myself that she would want me to be happy at that time of year. Really she won't want me to hurt at any time of year but that 1st Christmas was really hard. I will be praying for you on Christmas you will make it threw it will never be the same for you but you said you have children and they will be your guiding light. Start something new for them don't think of him all the time look at your children they will show you the way. Good Luck and God Bless you this holiday season!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

I think everyone handles these situations differently, but I definetely have been where you are. It helped me to just think of all the happy times I had with that person. The inside jokes, the holidays, parties, trips, and even the stupid arguments. Thinking about the good things overshadows that fact that the person is physically gone - but their spirit lives on. As time passes, you will not get over it 100%, but it will become easier to deal with... just give it some time.