What would you do if you found out that your oldest son had been an outlet for your spouce's anger?

Question

One of my friends has a 16 year old kid and she just reccently found out her husband abused him for 12 years. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse. She doesn't want to report him to the cops even though I told her that's the way to go.

Answer 1

The child is 16 and while she may not want to put him through the agony of trials and reliving the whole awful mess, some day soon he will be an adult. (the he being the son) This can go either way. I'll share a personal story and hope that it gives you insight.
My husband was abused by his step-father for years. His mother claimed she didn't know and my husband did the best he could to keep it from her. The stepfather was very abusive all around to everyone but his own children. Anyways, at 17 my hausband was emancipated to avoid living with them anymore and 2 years later they divorced. He was never put in counseling, they never even talked about what happened, his mother lived in complete denial. As a result, my husband was abusive and he's been addicted to one drug after another. It's been hard getting to where we are now but through the grace of God and love from my family we have overcome.
I say that he needs some closure, he needs to confront the AS* that hurt him and scarred him for life. He needs to know that his mother supports him and that she won't just brush this away to spare herself guilt at the boy's expense.
They will be in my prayers today.

Answer 2

she MUST stand up for her son and call the police.. she is likey afraid of being with out a man.. sadly many women KNOW their spouce is abusing their kids but would rather be with a man than alone so do nothing.. even turning a blind eye to abuse of their kids.. sad but true - many women are sooo despirate for a man they will put up with almost anything

she MUST report him.. if her son is to get over this.. she MUST report him.. YOU need to stand behind her.. giver her a shoulder to lean on.. she may be scared they will ask her if she knew anything... and feel bad if she didnt or feel worse if she did...

if she doesnt report him... I would...
her son is everything - or at least he should be... this man is probably abusing other children too or will.... (as will her son if she doenst get this ended/fixed/resolved)

Answer 3

This man definitely has a mental disorder, in addition to an anger problem. You should take the matters in your own hands and report him to the authorities. First it is for the teenagers well being. In addition the abuser will be investigated and stopped. Both will also be counseled in hopes of helping them to lead a better life

Answer 4

If she doesn't want to call the police, she needs to go to jail herself. Abuse to an innocent child is never excusable and he needs to be held accountable. Someone needs to speak up for the child. If not his mother, then who? My suggestion would be that you call in, anonomously if you have to, and report it. The child needs counseling and the father needs punishment. If not, we are sending a message that this is acceptable and the cycle will only continue. If you have ever been abused, you know the damage it can cause.

Answer 5

Someone has been harming her child and she doesn't want to do anything about it? That makes your friend an accomplis. she can be charged with child endangerment. Now - I am not sure what the laws are where you live but where I llive - now that you know a child you know has suffered from abuse you are legally obligated to report it. If you don't you can be charged too. If your friend doesn't care enough about her son maybe you should.

Answer 6

She's doing her son a MAJOR disservice!!! She definitely needs to report the husband. I would say though that since you know of the situation and you know that nothing is being done -- it's now your job to report the man. Call the police and tell them what you know. You may lose your friend over it, but the man needs to be behind bars... what if he sexually assaults someone else? Legally, you have to report that.

Answer 7

Oh my gosh that poor boy! She really needs to report him and get her son away from him. It will be hard but she needs to think of her son and get her son in for some counseling. He will be dealing with this the rest of his life and is going to need lots of help. Have you asked her why she doesn't want to report him? I'm sure you have, but tell her what ever the reason, she needs to think of her son and whats best for him. You (or she) also could call protective services, its anonymous, tell them what you know and they will investigate.

Answer 8

She should seek some serious help for herself if something like that could go on in her home for 12 years and she not know something - I would not fall for her lies. They both need to visit the local prison.

Answer 9

I had that happen to me. My mom was with a man tht beat the crap outta me when he could. I wish my mom would've caught on sooner. When she did she left him, but I am still angry with her. You have to be careful cause you can screw up the kid if you don't get him outta the situation asap!

Answer 10

I WOULD SAY TO YOU MAME.....YOU HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY HERE TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOUR COMMUNITY, IT IS UP TO YOU TO REPORT THIS B......D YOURSELF! I HAVE NO PROBLEM REPORTING ABUSE AS I SEE IT......THE BALL SEEMS TO BE IN YOUR PARK! IF MY SPOUSE EVER DID THAT TO MY SON, HE WOULD BE BEHIND BARS, FOR SURE! TELL YOUR FRIEND SHE NEEDS TO GET COUNSELING FOR HERSELF AND HER SON.....TELL HER TO MAKE SURE SHE LETS HER SON KNOW THAT IT WAS NOT HIS FAULT......THING IS, IF SHE DOES NOT REPORT HER HUSBAND, THE SON WILL THINK SHE HAS PERMITTED THIS TO HAPPEN AND REALLY DOES NOT LOVE HIM AT ALL.......SHE NEEDS TO REVISIT THIS ISSUE! HOPE ALL TURNS OUT WELL!