1.A very loud, unattractive hard faced woman walks into Tesco with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The door greeter says "Good morning and welcome to Tesco, nice children you've got there. Are they twins?" The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl "Of course they bloody aren't, one is nine, the other is seven. Why the hell do you think they 're twins? ....Do they look alike, you d******d!" "Absolutely not" replies the greeter "I just can't believe anyone would shag you twice!
2. Always poo at work, not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.
3. An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator !
4. Don,t buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms. Just buy ordinary ones and slip a handful of frozen peas inside before you slip it on.
5. High blood pressure sufferers. Simly cut yourself and bleed for a while thus reducing pressure in your veins.
2006-12-04 00:50:28 · 22 answers · asked by JillPinky 7 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
lmao..I just got my laugh for the morning. Thank you.
2006-12-04 00:56:52 · answer #1 · answered by Liz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Number 1 is hilarious. I like the others too.
Number 3 though................if you got a carried away and the lid fell off, OOooohhhh!!!
Number 4 sounds quite interesting!!! Ice in the bedroom can be good fun, I never thought of frozen peas before!!xxx
2006-12-04 08:56:19 · answer #2 · answered by stiflersmom29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haha. Especially number 1
2006-12-04 09:37:43 · answer #3 · answered by Scotty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think many a girl would have a hard time convincting her fella that number 4 would be fun to try!
All very funny, though. I got a good chuckle
2006-12-04 09:05:38 · answer #4 · answered by Natalie M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
L.O.L. to all 5. 2-5 very similar advice jokes to ones told by the late Morecambe & Wise on gardening tips. these were:
How do you make ivy climb faster?
Give her a leg up.
How to make you greenhouse warmer?
Soak it in kerosene and strike a match!
L.O.L.
2006-12-10 17:24:08 · answer #5 · answered by Phil P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1 is the best
2006-12-04 09:02:58 · answer #6 · answered by babu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hee hee very funny, loved number 1.
2006-12-04 09:07:27 · answer #7 · answered by floss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice one jill but your jack told em weeks since 9/10
2006-12-10 05:14:32 · answer #8 · answered by joethedog 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
loved the first one good on yer m8
2006-12-04 09:30:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some goods one i liked that
2006-12-08 17:06:13 · answer #10 · answered by Jaid B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋