My bf of nearly 5 yrs cheated in 1nighta&Im having trouble getting ova it.Why wud he do this?

Question

What can I do to stop feeling so inferior to this slag?

Ok I'm not ugly I'm size 12,blue eyed,blonde,tall with 36inch legs.

Answer 1

Firstly you need to talk to your boyfriend about what motivated him to do this. Were you having problems prior to this or have you been neglecting him sexually? Men usually cheat for sexual reasons rather than emotional ones. Don't compare yourself with this other woman as I doubt it was about her being better than you in any other way, usually men cheat when they feel like testing the waters outside their relationship and its rarely with someone they think is better than their current partner - its usually someone the total opposite of their girlfriend.

Has he ever done this before? If so it may simply be a behaviour trait that he is potentially unable to stop. You need to be clear with him that he has hurt you and talk over where to take things now with your relationship. This might be best done together with a relationship counsellor to keep you both on track and prevent you arguing needlessly or simply insulting each other due to hurt feelings.

Seeing a counsellor alone may also to help you get over any feelings you may have of inadequacy or self-confidence caused by the betrayal. You need to take an honest look at the relationship and decide whether this is something you can truely forgive and forget, few relationships truely get over such a rift but if you can then it may make your relationship even stronger than ever before but it will take guts and real honesty to face this.

Maybe you could try some time and space apart to help you both think over where to go next, it may simply be that having been in each other's pockets for 5 years has had a negative effect on the way you view your individual selves and it may be that you simply need to take time to think about your own goals and hopes for the futures to see whether they are still closely aligned.

Don't ulitimately be afraid to be alone though, if you decide this is something you can't forgive - don't simply continue the relationship through fear of being alone or through some false hope that things will be as they were before. This has changed your relationship for good and it can't be erased, simply forgiven with time if you feel that possible. Also don't keep picking at yourself, this hasn't happened because there is something wrong with you and I doubt its because he thought this other woman was better looking, I know it will have knocked your confidence but this is something you shouldn't dwell on as it won't help in the long run. Good luck & I would definitely recommend getting that counselling asap.

Answer 2

This "incident" will always crop up in the future if you decide to stay with him.

There is always a deciding moment when you are in a situation of temptation......you know the positives and negatives and he was willing to risk 5 years of a relationship with you for a moments of disrespectful "fumbling" with someone he doesn't know half as well.

All this has shown is that you are worth far more than a breif second thought, to avoid cheating you simply run as far as you can from potential situations which may arise with people you will find attractive.... if he's not mature enough to realise this then he's not worth your time.

Be very strong, this is the beginning of the end, you can never go back to what you've had with him because the trust is gone.

You will drive yourself crazy wondering whether he'll do it again and chances are if he's got away with it once, he will.

5 years is a number, this man is not the one for you. end of story.........he threw away 5 years, it's in no way your fault and you will prevail. Good Luck.

Answer 3

You need the truth from him as to why he done this, otherwise you will never be able to move on as a couple. Only when you know the truth can you decide if you stay and work at the relationship or finish it.
Many couples survive affairs, its about being honest and addressing problems within the relationship. Just because he had an affair does not automatically mean the end, we all can make mistakes.
However, if he will not be truthful to you and give you an explination that you deserve, maybe its time to move on and find someone who deserves you.

Answer 4

I'm sure you're not inferior. Check my question out about scratching peoples eyes out and you may want to answer it!! :-)

As for why people do this. It's so common and has nothing to do with inferiority. The phrase which always springs to mind is. "familiarity breeds contempt" It's a mistake he's made, I know because I've done it myself!!! I'll apologise on his behalf!!! Take care.

Answer 5

Hi,

my b/f did exactly the same thing with my best mate too!!!

i hated her and still do want to kill her, i only got back with him to stop her going out with him!!

Maybe you need to talk to him and ask him why he did it, that's what i did!!

2years on I'm still not fully over it and do think about it occasionally!!

i hate the slag and neither me or him have seen her since!!

just talk to him about it!! that's what i did and it really worked!!

Just remember there is nothing wrong with you its him that's the problem!!!!!!!!

Hope everything works out for ya x x

Answer 6

he must not love you cus if he did it would of never happened dump the maggot once a cheat always a cheat this sort thing can result in you catching a sexual infection or worse aids

Answer 7

Let me tell you why i cheated on my last girlfriend.... maybe this is the reason he had to.
I was going out with her for 3 years.. she was living with me for 2 of them.. and marraige was sometimes hinted upon.. I loved her lots... but i kept thinking to myself.. IS she the one?? is she my destiney or maybe someone else is? I felt trapped.... That girl was just a tester... and he needed her to prove to himself that you are the one.. it is only by our mistakes that we realise that ye are the one...I had to do it twice to realise that.... tI bet you that he was drunk when it happened!
Reason he told you is because he really cares about you and he was overridden with guilt... ( and to test you love to him as well)

trust me, he just had to get it out of his system... its natural for men to feel trapped,, especially when they think that this is the girl they are going to spend the rest of their lives with..

Men dont realise what they have in a women until they have lost it,,, maybe you could ask him for a "break"... its when you cant have the woman that you start realising that she was the one!

Answer 8

Well you're the one that your boyfirend has chosen he wants to be with, not sure if he should have the choice and you should be giving him a mega hard time over it and get him to convince you why you shouldn't feel Inferior

Answer 9

everyone will tell you to dump his ***, once a cheater always a cheater etc....
mind you i cant talk, my partner of 4 years had 2 affairs one of which while i was pregnant with our daughter (and which i THINK is still going on, and my daughter is 2years old!!) and im still with him.
You have to do what you feel is right and as for Y he would do it? darling if i knoew that id be a millionaire!!!
You are not inferior to her, if anythign you are a million times what she is.

Answer 10

honestly he's got to be commited 100 percent to you and absolutely in love with you . he probably loves you 99 percent, the 1 percent difference drove him to somebody else. its not your fault he cheated

Answer 11

you need to talk to him.

has he done it before to you or to anyone else?

ask him why he did it?

then decide if he is worth the heartache.

good luck