My ex and I broke up 3 months ago...it has been a back and
forth rollercoaster for the past 3 months. I have finally gotten to
a place where I am not sad all the time. He thinks we can be friends, he calls me up and wants to chat like when we were together. I can't do it..how do I let him know that we just can't
be friends now. I am not going to be his "buddy". I have to take
care of myself, if we were going to chat like friends we would still be together. Isnt' it too soon to be "friends"?
2006-12-04 00:22:09 · 26 answers · asked by wicktjw 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
There really isn't a set timetable for moving from lovers to friends. If you aren't comfortable being "buddies" then it is too soon for you and if he truly wants to develop a friendship, he will respect that and not push.
Absolutely, you can be friends with someone when you are no longer a couple. It does take some time to get there, and it is not a requirement. If you aren't interested in eventually pursuing a friendship with him, tell him. If you are, tell him to back off and give you the time and space you need to heal first.
Good luck!
2006-12-04 00:29:58 · answer #1 · answered by Mary L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you think its too soon then it is. you have to think about how it will make you feel. its taken me over a year to be friends with my ex, but when we did start hangin out it was cool.. time heals everything, and either you will or wont be his friend. and remember its not all on you. depending on how he acts also will play in the role of you guys being friends. jsut tell him its too soon for you and he should understand. who knows, he might be trying to get you back, and if you dont wanna hook back up then it might be a good idea to not be around him. you are in a vulnerable state right now, just take time. thats all you can do
2006-12-04 00:27:59 · answer #2 · answered by .......... 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Personally, I have never been able to be friends with an EX. They are an EX for a reason, betrayal, desertion or abuse. Some people can do it & others consider them to be great people. The Bible says you need to forgive people. I guess I'm going to Hell.
2006-12-04 00:28:35 · answer #3 · answered by Mr Brightsides 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT IS POSSIBLE TO REMAIN FRIENDS, BUT IN MY EXPERIENCE, IT TOOK A COUPLE OF YEARS.....MY ABSOLUTE BEST FRIEND IS AN EX-BOYFRIEND THAT I DATED DURING A VERY ROUGH TIME IN MY LIFE. HE WAS MUCH OLDER THAN ME AND MUCH WISER. TIMING WAS OUR DOWNFALL AND WE SPLIT IN 1997. I WAS BROKEN LIKE NEVER BEFORE AND I WAS OBSESSED WITH EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. TIME PASSED. TEARS FLOWED. THINGS CHANGED. WE CONTINUED TO TALK EVER SO OFTEN, JUST CHECKING IN ON EACH OTHER. AND THEN THE NEXT THING I KNEW, WE WERE BOTH WITH OTHER PEOPLE BUT WE HAD ACTUALLY BECOME FRIENDS. AND WE BOTH REALIZED THAT WE WERE NEVER ACTUALLY "FRIENDS" BEFORE.
WE ARE VERY CLOSE NOW -- EVEN THOUGH OUR SPOUSES ARE UNAWARE -- AND WE LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH. HE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND HE FEELS THE SAME ABOUT ME. WE CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON EACH OTHER TO BE THERE WHEN NEEDED AND TO OFFER SOUND ADVICE. WE ARE BOTH PAINFULLY HONEST, AND IF ONE OR THE OTHER OF US IS NEED OF THE TRUTH, WE GET/GIVE IT AND THERE ARE NO HARD FEELINGS. WE BOTH WANT WHAT IS BEST FOR EACH OTHER. WE ARE BOTH MATURE ENOUGH NOW TO UNDERSTAND THAT JUST BECAUSE WE CAN'T BE TOGETHER IN "THAT WAY" DOESN'T MEAN THAT WE'RE MISSING SOMETHING. OUR FRIENDSHIP NOW IS MUCH BETTER THAN OUR RELATIONSHIP EVER WAS THEN.
TAKE YOUR TIME. BEGIN TO HEAL. AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. GOOD LUCK TO YOU.
2006-12-04 00:36:39 · answer #4 · answered by LIPPS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's too early. i dated a boy for three years, we didnt talked and dated again for a year. we did some really awful things to each other and he really really hurt me. one day we started talking again and now we are best friends and i wouldnt trade it for anything. you just have to let time past, and if you still don't want to be friends or can't be friends than don't. you are not obligated to be friends with an ex.
2006-12-04 00:26:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hang up the phone. Why should you be friends with a jerk that dumped you? I don't know why men think they can get away with this crap.
He is your ex, he doesn't get to run the show anymore. Tell him where to get off at. You don't have to be "friends" with anyone you don't want to be friends with. Tell the jerk you don't need anymore friends and to get the hell out of your life.
2006-12-04 00:29:42 · answer #6 · answered by Firespider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on individual. There is no fast and hard rules on such things. Some of us can be friends after breakoff but there are others who is unable to accept their ex to be their friends. So the decision actually lies on you and we only provide you with our opinions
2006-12-04 00:25:59 · answer #7 · answered by Clown & Joker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dated a guy for 4 years. We tried to be friends but just couldn't. Now, 2 years later, we talk all the time. It just takes time.
2006-12-04 00:23:51 · answer #8 · answered by Lauren 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes you can if you both want to be friends but it does take time i have several ex boyfriends that m great friends with i even get along great with my ex husband but that took almost 8 years for that one to happen
2006-12-04 00:30:35 · answer #9 · answered by t b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the exception rather than the rule to remain friends. He asks much of you. Why?
2006-12-04 00:23:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋